


100% Straight

by orphan_account



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: (he gets better I promise), (it's more of an obsession with kids/heirs), Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Canon-Typical Violence, Coming Out, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Jealousy, Literal Sleeping Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Major Character Injury, Masturbation, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, POV Alternating, Pining, Praise Kink, Rated E for later chapters, Self Confidence Issues, Sexual Tension, Sexuality Crisis, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Tragedy of Duscur Mentioned, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:21:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 67,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23253889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Felix deals with his feelings for his best friend the only way he knows how; by pushing him away. After all, Sylvain is straight, so it's not like he even has a chance, right?Sylvain was raised being spoon fed the idea of a perfect life with a beautiful, doting wife and many children. It's what he's been told to want since he was a child. However, after being reunited with his best friend after four years of silence Sylvain is beginning to question if that "perfect" future is really for him.
Relationships: Annette Fantine Dominic/Mercedes von Martritz, Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Sylvain Jose Gautier, Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Original Character(s) (mentioned), Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sylvain Jose Gautier/Original Character(s) (mentioned)
Comments: 181
Kudos: 280





	1. Sylvian's Promise

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this is my first fic in a while so bear with me! I just really love the dynamic between these two and I can relate to the whole falling in love with your childhood best friend thing, so of course I had to write something! And now next thing I know I'm writing a huge slow burn that I'm probably not skilled or experienced enough to execute properly, but you don't know until you try, do you?
> 
> Logistically, I actually have most of this written already, so hopefully I'll be updating once or twice a week. And please let me know if you see any typos! I've proofread this fic obsessively but I'm inevitably going to miss something.

Sylvain Jose Gautier was 100% straight. No question about it (not that he had ever questioned it, what would give you that impression?). One day, Sylvain was going to fall in love with a beautiful woman, get married, and start a family with her. At least, that’s what his father always told him, and his father would never lie to him. 

His conviction was further solidified when he first met Felix and Ingrid, and Ingrid introduced herself as “Glenn’s fiancee.” Sylvain was overjoyed to hear about their engagement. Ingrid has already fallen in love, and she was going to get married when she got older! It was exciting for Sylvain to see love happening right in front of him.

Felix, however, was not interested in love or romance. Sylvain would ask him about it, when they would go cloud gazing together after their parents told them to get lost. Sylvain remembers one conversation they were having in particular. Sylvain was cheerily rambling about what his future wife would be like (“Will she be tall or short? Will she be brunette or blonde? What will her favorite color be? What do you think Felix?”) and hoping to get a response out of the younger boy.

Felix scrunched his nose and said, “I think that whole falling in love thing is stupid. It doesn’t actually happen. If people could marry whoever they wanted, there would be a lot more knights married to nobles. Because knights are always falling in love with the princesses in those books Glenn reads me, but I never see knights married to princesses in real life!”

“But Glenn and Ingrid are in love!” Sylvain argued, “How could you forget about them? They’re going to get married and be happy forever!”

“Idiot,” Felix scoffed, “They’re not in love. The only reason they’re getting married is because Ingrid has a crest, and my parents want Glenn’s kids to have her crest too.”

Sylvain had never thought of that. Did people really get married for reasons other than love? No. It couldn’t be. He refused to believe it. If Sylvain was one thing, it was a romantic, and he knew that when he got married it was going to be because he was in love, and for no other reason. He would prove Felix wrong.

\---

Despite their different opinions on love, Felix was still Sylvain’s best friend. Whenever Sylvain and Felix’s parents needed to visit each other, which was often because their territories bordered each other, Felix and Sylvain were allowed to play together. They did all kinds of things, from running through the hallways with sticks pretending to be knights, to dramatically reenacting Glenn’s favorite heroic stories in the library, to drawing on the castle walls with chalk. 

On one such day, Sylvain had the brilliant idea to go exploring. He got up early and barged into Felix’s room, proclaiming, “Felix, we’re going on an adventure today! We’re going to see the world!”

Felix, who was fast asleep in his bed, didn’t move at all. If this had been earlier in their friendship, Sylvain would have thought that Felix was still in a deep sleep. But Sylvain knew better; Sylvain learned that Felix was a feather light sleeper when he was thwarted trying to place Felix’s hand in warm water last year. So instead of trying to convince Felix to get up, he decided to tease his friend.

“Oh no, it looks like Felix isn’t up yet! What should I do?” Sylvain wondered aloud, theatrically. “Should I jump on the bed?” Sylvain asked, with a glance towards Felix. Sure enough, the corners of Felix’s mouth were now turned up in a smile. Sylvain could tell Felix was trying really hard to not visibly smile, but it didn’t get past him.

Not ready to be done yet, Sylvain continued, “Or should I splash him with water? My nurse always tells me if I don’t get up on time she will splash me in the face with ice water! I should go get some from the kitchen...”

At that, Felix’s eyes flew open and he sat upright, yelling, “No, please don’t do that Sylvain! I’m awake, I promise! See?”

Sylvain laughed, “Yeah, I see that! Now get dressed so we can go on an adventure!”

Felix eagerly got dressed and Sylvain was soon leading him by the hand towards the area behind the castle he wanted to explore. He knew there was a path here, but he didn’t know where it led.

As they walked, Sylvain and Felix fell into a comfortable silence. _It’s nice,_ Sylvain thought, _to have someone you can just be quiet with._ By the way Felix silently kept his hand in Sylvain’s for the entire walk, Sylvain knew he felt the same. He felt a rush through his body as he realized how special they were to one another. They really were best friends.

And then they came to the end of the path, and they were faced with a wall of giant rocks. Sylvain, ever the romantic, was a bit disappointed that it didn’t end in the middle of a flower patch, with butterflies and a babbling brook in the background. That would have been a suitable place to woo maidens when he got older. This was not.

But Sylvain barely had time to be disappointed because Felix’s face lit up. He let go of Sylvain’s hand and ran to the base of the rock, exclaiming, “first one to the top wins!” before beginning to climb.

Did Sylvain want to climb these rocks? No, not really. They were big and they looked like they would be hard to climb. But did Sylvain want to beat Felix? Yes, of course he did. So Sylvain sprinted over to the base of the rock (not before yelling “You got a head start, no fair!” to Felix) and began to climb as well.

Sylvain had never climbed a rock this big before (his parents usually discouraged him from doing anything dangerous out of fear that something bad would happen to their beloved heir) so he didn’t really know where to start. He placed his feet in some of the footholds near the bottom of the rock and reached for an arm hold. The rock was rough and scratched Sylvain’s hands, but he didn’t let that deter him. He used his arms to pull him up and moved his legs to a new section of the rock. He looked up to see Felix nearing the top of the rock. Encouraged by his friend’s success, Sylvain ambitiously tried to place his feet on a particularly fragile looking part of the rock. As Sylvain watched Felix climb over the top of the wall, he heard a crumbling noise underneath him and found himself suddenly on the ground.

“Sylvain? Sylvain, are you okay?” he heard Felix cry from the top of the rock. He tried to respond, but the fall had knocked the wind out of him, so what came out was more of a weak grunt. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Felix begin to make his way down the rock. _He should really be going slower, he could definitely lose his footing and end up injured on the ground like me_ Sylvain thought idly.

“Sylvain! Don’t worry, I’m coming down! Please be okay.” Sylvain could hear that Felix was on the verge of tears, if not crying already. The instant Felix’s foot touched the ground, he sprinted over to Sylvain and knelt over him. From here, Sylvain could see that Felix was definitely crying, and he reached up to wipe some of the tears out of his friend’s eyes.

“Hey, don’t worry I’m fine! I just got the wind knocked out of me, but I’m okay now, I promise.” Sylvain gingerly sat up, and did his best to mask the wince that most definitely appeared on his face.

“I thought you were dead!” Felix was outright sobbing at this point. “I thought you had died and I would have to walk back to the castle alone.”

Sylvain tried his best to put on a brave smile and patted Felix on the shoulder. “Hey, I’m not going anywhere, you don’t have to walk back on your own”

Felix turned to him, still sobbing, and looked unconvinced.

“Felix, let’s make a promise. I promise you I won’t die without you, okay?”

“Well _I’m_ not going to die without you either, idiot!” Felix retorted.

Sylvain laughed, “So it’s settled then! We’re going to die together”

Felix nodded his head, “I promise I won’t die without you.”

Sylvain Jose Gautier was 100% straight. But he was also going to spend his life by Felix’s side because he had made a promise. And Sylvain wasn’t going to break that promise, no matter what beautiful maiden he eventually fell in love with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first four chapters are more establishing past relationships and character motivation and to set the stage for the main body of the fic. I promise all of the chapters won't be as short!


	2. Felix's Promise

Felix Hugo Fraldarius was 100% straight. Obviously. What else could you be? Noble families needed heirs after all--at least, that’s what Sylvain always told him when they would lie in bed and talk about their futures. If Sylvain was going to marry a beautiful woman, Felix was too. He would never let that annoying redhead beat him at anything! It doesn’t matter that Sylvain’s victory smile was the brightest, most genuine thing Felix had ever seen, Felix was going to beat him at everything. He was born competitive and wanted to win.

Felix’s parents had never put pressure on him to get married; at least, not as much pressure as Sylvain’s parents placed on him. Felix had the luxury of his older brother Glenn, who was going to get married to Ingrid and produce heirs for the family. Sure, Felix had a crest too so it would be nice if he got married and had children, but it wasn’t his parents primary concern. 

His parents did, however, make it clear that if he were to get married, he should get married to someone noble to increase the political power of the house Fraldarius. And this is why Felix doesn’t believe in marriage for love. What if he fell in love with someone below his parents preferred social class? He’d be forced to leave them for someone more suitable to his standing. From a young age, Felix decided he wasn’t going to do that love thing Sylvain was always talking about. It’s just not worth the risk of falling in love with the wrong person. It was better to simply choose someone it was politically advantageous to marry and then hope you fall in love with each other over time.

When Felix first told Sylvain he never wanted to fall in love, Sylvain was shocked.

“What do you mean, you don’t want to fall in love? Won’t you be lonely if you never fall in love?” He had asked, rolling over in Felix’s giant king-sized bed to make eye contact with the younger boy.

“I said I don’t want to be in love, idiot, not that I want to live alone in a cave.” Felix gave Sylvain a playful shove, but didn’t make eye contact. “Glenn says your friends can be more important than your spouse. He said that if I become a knight I will never be alone because I will have an entire battalion of people who support me.”

Sylvain smiled, “Oh yeah, and you’ll always have me too!”

“But you’re going to have a wife! How will you spend time with me if you’re married?”

“Well, you can live with my wife and I! Our castle is super big so you can live in the room right next to mine, so if we ever need each other we’ll be super close!”

Even though he was only seven, Felix knew that wasn’t realistic. But something inside of him felt warm at the thought that Sylvain would want them to live together when they got older. It reminded him of how Ingrid talks about spending her life with Glenn, all smiles and full of hope. Not that Felix would want to be married to Sylvain, but it still made him happy.

\---

Felix’s most treasured childhood memory (not that he would admit it) began much too early in the morning for his taste. Sylvain had barged into the guest room Felix was staying in, spouting some nonsense about going on an adventure. Felix was too tired to get out of bed and go exploring (it was barely dawn!), so he pretended to be asleep.

Unfortunately for him, Sylvain knew him too well. “Oh no, it looks like Felix isn’t up yet! What should I do?” Sylvain began, in a voice a little too dramatic to be serious. “Should I jump on the bed?” 

Felix tried hard to suppress the smile that was forming on his lips. It was funny to think of Sylvain jumping on his bed to wake him up, but he knew he wouldn’t do that. One time Miklan caught Sylvain and Felix jumping on his bed and he yelled at them until his voice got hoarse. Understandably, Sylvain doesn’t jump on beds anymore.

After a brief pause, Sylvain continued, “Or should I splash him with water? My nurse always tells me if I don’t get up on time she will splash me in the face with ice water! I should go get some from the kitchen...”

Terror gripped Felix. Talking about jumping on beds is all fun and games, but dousing him with water? That most definitely sounds like something Sylvain would do. Felix got up and bolted out of bed, yelling, “No, please don’t do that Sylvain! I’m awake, I promise! See?”

Sylvain laughed at him and waited for him to get ready before grabbing his hand and dragging him across the courtyard.

“Come on, Felix, pick up the pace! There’s this path in the forest behind the castle that I’ve been wanting to explore _forever_. I can’t wait any longer!” Sylvain pouted, yanking on Felix’s hand.

Felix rolled his eyes, “If you’ve been waiting to explore it for that long, you can wait a few more minutes. You’re the one who woke me up way too early. The knights aren’t even up yet!” But he did pick up the pace because he could see the impatience on his friend’s face.

As they walked to the path, they fell into a comfortable silence. Sylvain’s grip remained firm on Felix’s hand, but he was looking everywhere but at Felix. The forest really was beautiful, with lush flowers and trees and woodland creatures running about, but Felix took the opportunity to glance at Sylvain. Although he would never admit it (especially not to Sylvain), he thought Sylvain was cute. His stupid floppy hair was endearing and the fact that he was taller, although annoying, made Felix feel strangely comforted when he was with the other boy. Sylvain’s hand was warm against his, which made Felix blush ever so slightly.

Eventually, the pair’s trip through the woods was cut short as they came across some large boulders. _Finally, this walk is getting interesting_ Felix thought, before yelling, “first one to the top wins!” and scrambling up the rocks without looking back.

He thought he heard Sylvain say something behind him, but he was too focused on climbing as quickly as possible. The older boy may be taller and stronger, but Felix was nimble and had better reflexes. Felix didn’t look behind him as he hoisted himself up to the top of the rock. But then he heard a crumbling sound and a large thump.

Felix began to panic immediately. That thump was definitely the sound of Sylvain hitting the ground, so he called out, “Sylvain? Sylvain, are you okay?” 

No response. Now Felix was really scared. Could a fall from that height hurt someone? Could it kill someone? What if Sylvain was dead? With that thought, Felix was on the verge of tears. He didn’t know what he would do without his best friend. Felix imagined living in a world where he could never see Sylvain’s stupid smile, where he would never hear Sylvain’s stupid laugh, and where he would never sit through Sylvain’s stupid stories about love. Felix was definitely crying now.

“Sylvain! Don’t worry, I’m coming down! Please be okay,” Felix called down as he began scrambling down the rock. In a perfect world. Felix would be taking better care to get down safely, but he didn’t care. His best friend could be dying alone on the ground beneath him. He had to get to Sylvain.

Felix sprinted over to Sylvain, tears streaming down his face as he knelt beside him. He saw that Sylvain’s eyes were open and he was breathing. _Thank the Goddess_ , Felix thought, _I don’t know what I would do without Sylvain_.

“Hey, don’t worry I’m fine! I just got the wind knocked out of me, but I’m okay now, I promise.” Sylvain tried to smile as he sat up, but Felix could see the thinly veiled wince. So Sylvain wasn’t dead, but he was definitely hurt.

Felix wanted to hug his friend, but he thought that would probably hurt him, so he settled for saying, “I thought you were dead! I thought you had died and I would have to walk back to the castle alone.”

Sylvain put his hand on Felix’s shoulder in an effort to comfort the younger boy. “Hey, I’m not going anywhere, you don’t have to walk back on your own.”

Felix was calming down a bit, but was still quite shaken. He was stuck thinking _what if?_ The fact that Sylvain was still alive seemed like a miracle. It felt like Sylvain had just cheated death, and Felix had no guarantee that next time they got in trouble Sylvain would get as lucky.

Sylvain seemed to understand at least a little bit of Felix’s fears. He smiled at Felix--a true, dazzling smile--and said, “Felix, let’s make a promise. I promise you I won’t die without you, okay?”

“Well _I’m_ not going to die without you either, idiot!” Felix retorted. There was no way he was letting Sylvain outlive him.

“So it’s settled then! We’re going to die together,” Sylvain proclaimed. It took Felix’s breath away, how Sylvain could have gotten so hurt and still look towards the future with stars in his eyes.

“I promise I won’t die without you,” Felix vowed, and he meant it.

That night, Felix stared up at the ceiling, curled up in his friend’s bed. Although they weren’t touching, Sylvain practically radiates heat and Felix could feel it from where he was lying. He liked this a lot. In the comfortable haze of pre-sleep, Felix allowed himself to think about what his life would be like if Sylvain didn’t have to marry a woman. What if they got married instead, and they got to spend every day like this? The thought made Felix feel warm and tingly inside and Felix couldn’t help but smile.

Okay, so maybe Felix wasn’t 100% straight. But the boy he had a crush on was definitely straight, and even if he wasn’t, Sylvain needed to marry a woman. So Felix kept it to himself in the hopes that it would die out on his own. Sylvain could never know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know that this was basically just the same scene from a different perspective but I just thought both sides were important! It's hard to write young Felix, so hopefully I did him justice. After this I'm planning on having two more backstory type chapters that I'll probably publish together late this week/early next week and then we'll be at Garreg Mach and the pining can truly begin.
> 
> Also please tell me how I managed to misspell Sylvain's name three different ways over the course of this chapter.


	3. Growing Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally planning on updating on Friday but then I realized that what I had was actually horrible and I couldn't in good conscious publish it so I had to reorganize like four chapters to make something actually readable. And I was going to do that on Sunday, but then my computer literally stopped connecting to the internet and I had to factory reset it but then it glitched and I spent the entire day trying to get it to turn on again. Anyways, it's a miracle I even got into my google docs account (I have a separate account for fanfic and I set the password drunk so it took me like two hours to remember it), so enjoy I guess.

Although Sylvain didn’t lose anyone personally in the tragedy of Duscur, it felt like he did. Ingrid had lost her fiance, and even though she was only 13, Sylvain could tell she was heartbroken. When he saw her last, her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes the way it used to. Dimitri was devastated at the death of his parents (and probably scarred from witnessing Glenn’s death), so he wasn’t talking to anyone. And Felix seemed to think that if he pissed enough people off he could somehow make up for his brother's death.

He still remembered the last time he saw Felix-- _his_ Felix, not the one who pushed everyone away--two months after the tragedy. Sylvain had cancelled their plans because his parents insisted he went out with some rich heiress from somewhere he didn’t care about and Felix had looked at him with a guarded expression and told him it was fine in a voice laced with venom. 

It obviously wasn’t fine; Felix left the next day and the next time he visited Gautier he just passively let Sylvain cancel their plans to go on dates. He would say things like, “It’s fine, go have fun with that girl. I’ll be here if you change your mind,” and every time Sylvain would mention a girl or try to talk about his dates the other boy would shut down and only give Sylvain one word answers.

He had no idea what had changed in Felix, but it was clear that Felix was guarding himself from him for some reason. He knew Felix was pulling away from everyone, but this seemed different somehow. They were supposed to be each other’s support systems, but here Felix was in his time of need refusing to ask for help. 

Sylvain vividly remembered the day he had come back from his date early and was going to visit Felix. He was about to knock on the door when he heard a sob from inside the room. The realization that Felix was crying _without him_ hit him like a sack of bricks. When they were little, Felix would hunt Sylvain down and force him to drop whatever he was doing to comfort him. It didn’t matter if Sylvain was eating, training, or studying, Felix would call upon him to drop everything and Sylvain would happily oblige. It was an unspoken rule between them that both of them would drop anything to be with the other if needed. The fact that Felix didn't drag him away from his date meant that either Felix didn’t trust him enough to be vulnerable around him anymore, or he was crying about him. Both options were equally as bad, and Sylvain turned away to let Felix cry on his own.

He felt a strange sense of loss that day. It felt like a part of him was missing; he felt hollow. So Sylvain made the worst decision of his life and decided to turn all his attention towards girls.

It seemed like a logical step. After all, how could he find the woman of his dreams if he spent all day in his room writing letters to his distraught friends and trying to convince Felix to trust him again? Sylvain was moving on; he had to move on for his own sake. Any more thoughts about how his friends are all different from the happy-go-lucky children he used to play house with and Sylvain was sure he would break.

He started by spending more time with the girls his parents wanted to set him up with. He learned what made them giggle and blush, and eventually what made them moan and say his name. He began to enjoy the familiarity of dating: he would flirt, she would blush, he would lean in, she would eagerly return his advances. There was no emotional aspect, no need to examine himself or his faltering friendships.

Then one day Sylvain decided that he wanted to date outside of his parent’s “approved” girls and he approached a cute girl that caught his eye in the marketplace. They began with small talk, and Sylvain could tell she was enamored with him because she laughed easily and made eye contact often. Before he knew it, Sylvain was having tea with her. Sylvain was happy whenever they were together because he knew that she wasn’t after his status like all those women his parents set him up with. He finally pulled himself out of the void Felix had left him in and started turning to her for emotional support. She seemed like she could be the one; she seemed genuinely interested in him, his family, and his crest. 

_Perhaps she’s a little too interested in_ _my family and my crest_ Sylvain realized when she cried after he refused to introduce her to his parents a few weeks into their relationship. In an attempt to comfort her, he pulled her into a hug and said, “Oh don’t be too sad, baby, or I’m going to start to think you’re dating me for my family.”

She turned to look at him, confused. “Of course I’m dating you for your family! You have the crest of Gautier! Can you imagine how great my life would be if I could marry you and become a member of house Gautier? But no, you’re too ashamed of me to let me meet your parents. Are you even serious about this, or should I just stop wasting my time?”

Sylvain let his arm around her drop away, shock painted all over his face. He took a deep breath before responding with the cruelest tone he could muster despite the pain in his chest, “You should probably stop wasting your time if that’s what you want. I thought this was just a casual thing, I didn’t really like you all that much anyways.”

The girl stormed out of his room, but not before yelling “you’re an insatiable womanizer” over her shoulder. 

Sylvain waited for her to leave before letting himself cry. He felt so foolish and betrayed. Did everyone he talked to only talk with him because of his social status? He thought of all of the girls who had shown interest in him in the past. Most of them either knew him through his parents, knew who he was before he talked with them, or seemed to brighten up when he introduced himself, Sylvain realized. He was such an idiot, to think he was interesting enough on his own to have a girlfriend, to think that these girls actually cared about him or his desire to become a paladin one day. 

_Goddess, I wish Felix was with me right now_ Sylvain caught himself thinking later that night, as he stared up at his ceiling. Thanks to his “girlfriend,” Sylvain had gone for a few weeks without thinking of Felix. He thought he was over whatever happened between them and ready to move on without him. But he couldn’t help thinking of Felix now. Never before had he felt so utterly alone, and it was terrifying. He wished Felix would have been there when that girl had said those terrible things to him because he knew Felix would have defended Sylvain’s honor. He wished Felix was with him, laughing at him for crying over some girl. He wished Felix was next to him, holding his hand and telling him to forget about her because they were going to spend forever together anyways. 

Sylvain wrote Felix a letter, describing his heartbreak. He told him all about that girl; how he felt when he was with her, how they spent so much time together, and how he thought she might be the one. He poured his heart into that letter, willing his best friend to understand the emotional distress he was in. His letter was a plea for his best friend to understand the woes of unrequited love. He never received a response.

Sylvain had nowhere to turn now. Sure, he had Ingrid, but she was dealing with her own things and Sylvain knew that he had to be strong for her right now. And Dimitri was setting up walls just as strong and impenetrable as Felix’s, so that was a nonstarter. And Felix still wasn’t answering any of his letters.

So Sylvain officially had no friends, and he was heartbroken. What else could he do but drown his sorrows in sex?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the angst, but it's a key part of the slow burn! I think I'll be updating pretty regularly for the next couple of chapters, unless I realize another glaring plot hole and have to reorganize again...
> 
> Oh also FYI my rough draft has 22 chapters in it. I have no idea if that's going to end up being the case.


	4. Oh Shit He's Still Hot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really want to change my chapter titles from the crack ones I have on my draft to help me remember when all the events happen, so enjoy my strange and all over the place sense of humor as the fic develops.

Felix stood at the entryway to Garreg Mach Monastery, bags in hand and the closest he’s gotten to a smile in years on his face. He was seventeen and finally about to start his life, away from society’s expectations and his father’s grief and the childhood memories that became sour with time.

As Felix walked through the entryway, bags in tow, he felt something akin to hope. _This is it, this is my chance to become my own person without everyone pitying me for what happened to Glenn_ , Felix thought. He received the key to his room and began to carry all of his things up the stairs to the second floor of the dormitories. He was just arriving at the door to his room when he heard a voice.

“Felix?” the voice asked. It was deeper than Felix remembered, but he still recognized it instantly. How could he forget the voice of the boy who had comforted him at his lowest moment? Felix could still remember with perfect clarity the night of Glenn’s funeral, when Sylvain all but broke into Felix’s room and held him and forced him to talk about his emotions and listened to him cry. Felix could still hear the way Sylvain told him that he would be there for him no matter what. If only Felix could say the same.

But instead, Felix ran. What else were you supposed to do when you realized you were in love with your best friend? He was too scared to tell Sylvain (hell, he was still barely even brave enough to admit it to himself) and face what it meant for him. It wasn’t an issue that he was gay, although that certainly wasn’t ideal, but it was an issue about vulnerability. The first person Felix trusted with the weight of his secrets died and the last one became something inhuman. Felix simply couldn’t bear the contents of his heart to Sylvain to have them crushed with a gentle smile, a graceful apology, and a promise they would still be friends and spend their lives together. Platonically.

Felix knew Sylvain obviously didn’t feel the same; after his parents deemed him “old enough” he was out on dates with girls seemingly every day. It started with his parent’s suggestions, but it soon gave way to more. An heiress one day gave way to a merchant’s daughter the next and a war hero’s daughter faster than Felix could register. Sylvain was running headfirst into the world and leaving Felix behind in his dust. Gone were the nights where Sylvain would hold him and the tea times where they would playfully mock each other about their tastes in tea. Now it was Sylvain explaining to Felix why he didn’t show up to game night until midnight and using their trips to the market to buy tea for his latest flame. Every time Sylvain took his attention away from Felix for some girl, Felix could feel a part of his heart dying. 

And then there was the letter. That _fucking_ letter. It said shit like “I could always trust her to make me smile,” and “The moment I realized she didn’t feel the same I could feel my soul being ripped from my body,” and “What am I supposed to do, now that I love someone who will never return my feelings?” How _dare_ Sylvain turn a three week fling into some mockery of Felix’s entire life! Sylvain gets turned down once and suddenly _he’s_ the expert in unrequited love? Felix couldn’t do it anymore; he couldn’t sit by and watch his friend fall in love with everyone who wasn’t him. So he ran to save himself from the love that would never be returned and threatened to consume him alive.

But there was nowhere to run now, so Felix tentatively turned around, and almost dropped his key at the sight. There was Sylvain, gorgeous and flawless, beaming at him as if Felix hadn’t been ignoring him for the past four years. He had gotten so much taller, and was now at least a full head taller than Felix. His shoulders were broader, and Felix could see his muscular frame through his clothes. His hair was still the same bright red, but it was more unkempt. Goddess, Felix wanted to run his fingers through that hair. As if reading his mind, Sylvain tousled his hair and chuckled nervously, “Ah, long time no see. Glad to see you’re doing okay... I’ve been worried about you.”

Felix scowled, “Why would you be worried about me? I can take care of myself thank you very much. I’m not a child anymore.”

“Alright, sorry, I didn’t mean to imply you couldn’t take care of yourself,” Sylvain put his hands up in mock surrender, “But if you ever need to talk about anything, I’m here okay? It’s been like four years since I’ve seen you and we have a lot of catching up to do. Truce?”

Felix sighed, “Truce... as long as you don’t get in my way.”

“Sounds like a plan! I’ll get out of your hair and let you get settled!” Sylvain’s smile was back, but it seemed different and less genuine. Felix didn’t care for it at all. It reminded him of that boy from his father’s court who kissed him and then left him. He would smile at Felix like that, and at the time Felix had been charmed. Of course he had been charmed. Who wouldn’t be charmed by messy hair and smooth charisma and casual confidence? He knew better now.

Sylvain entered into what Felix assumed was his room and Felix finally turned the key and entered into his new home. It was much smaller than he was used to, but it would do. There was a blue rug on the ground that matched his bedspread. There was a sizable desk that Felix decided to dump all of his belongings on for the time being. He was a little too shaken to begin unpacking just yet.

Felix sat down on his twin bed (which was admittedly a serious downgrade from his queen bed at home) and stared at his wall. It wasn’t even the first day of school yet and he already had two major problems. 

His first problem was that Sylvain was here. He shouldn’t be so surprised. All of the nobles who had any hope of a future in Faerghus came to Garreg Mach as it was the best school available to them. Of course Sylvain would be here; he was so much smarter than he let on. Felix never knew how he did it, but he picked up on things in half the time it took Felix and remembered them twice as long as Felix did. He hated to admit it, but Sylvain definitely belonged here, with the academics and the strategists.

Felix was such an idiot for ignoring him for the last four years. Now not only had he lost his friend, he would have to come up with an excuse for his actions that wasn’t “sorry I stopped talking to you but I’m unfortunately in love with you and think about making out with you daily, please leave me alone until I have this figured out.” Felix is still a terrible liar, and Sylvain’s always been perceptive, so he was basically screwed.

The second problem was that despite his best efforts, Felix was definitely still in love with Sylvain. It didn’t matter that Felix had rearranged his room and painted it a dramatically new color and changed the color and texture of his sheets so he didn’t think of Sylvain as he fell asleep. It didn’t matter that Felix threw himself into training to avoid having to think about his emotions. And it most certainly didn’t matter that Felix burned his letters without reading them. That smile--his real, _genuine_ smile--was all it took. It was the smile that promised a lifetime together and all the emotional intimacy of lovers. Felix could feel that flame he buried deep down in his chest awaken again.

Felix couldn't keep lying to himself. His heart had started beating faster the moment he saw him and it was just now calming down. That didn’t happen with people you liked as friends. 

It didn’t help that Sylvain had aged really well and was objectively handsome. He had obviously continued his training as well, and had the body to show for it. His arms were probably twice the size of Felix’s, no doubt due to his affinity for heavy lances. _I bet he could pick me up with no effort,_ Felix thought. A mental image of Sylvain picking him up with ease and pinning him against a wall was immediately conjured up in his head and he felt heat begin to intensify below his stomach. Felix frantically began thinking about anything other than that stupidly hot image now ingrained in his head. He was already fucked; the last thing he needed right now was a boner. Felix abruptly stood up, as if to jolt himself into being okay.

It didn’t work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, we're finally at the monastery! I'm going to be honest, this is my least favorite chapter of the whole fic. I've rewritten it like five times but it just doesn't seem right. I don't really want to deal with it anymore so I'm just posting it. Hopefully it serves its purpose of giving you the key information you need to know about Felix going into the actual good stuff.
> 
> I'm aiming for my next update to be on Saturday, but I have to teach myself all of organic chemistry without a textbook (I shipped my textbook from college to my house--yay quarantine--and it somehow got lost because I just can't win) so if I don't update until next Friday don't be alarmed, I'm just working out elimination reactions until my eyes fall out.
> 
> As always thanks for reading!


	5. Angst Rollercoaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, a long chapter! Honestly, I prefer this length so hopefully most of the chapters from here on out will be about this long.

It only took about a month at Garreg Mach for Ingrid to give up on teaching Sylvain to be a better person. Which was probably for the best because he was definitely not planning on changing his womanizing ways anytime soon; since his arrival, he had already hooked up with two girls and had a date planned with a third. While Sylvain’s view on relationships hadn’t changed, he still appreciated the fun of a good fling or a short term relationship. It was just when the girls thought they were going to be a long term thing that Sylvain had to cut them loose and break their hearts. He did feel a little cruel whenever he sat a girl down and explained he was just looking for fun and didn’t want any commitment, but he knew he had to break their hearts first or he would end up married to some woman who hated him but loved his status. Sylvain would much rather be an asshole now than an unloved fool in twenty years.

More than anything, though, Sylvain was overjoyed to be reunited with Felix. Felix had undeniably been his best friend, and simply being in his presence put Sylvain at ease. While he has yet to talk to Felix about what happened those last four years, Felix seemed content to pretend like it never happened and they were settling back into their close childhood friendship. Felix had become much more abrasive and standoffish since Sylvain had talked to him last, and Sylvain was scared that he was going to make a wrong move and send him running again. So instead of demanding answers from Felix, he stuck with his tentative smiles and friendly jokes which were returned with insults he quickly learned were meaningless and challenges he figured were excuses to hang out.

Which is why he was standing in the training ground after dinner on a Friday night. Felix had asked him to spar and Sylvain knew he couldn’t say no if he wanted their friendship to have any hope of surviving. He wasn’t quite sure why Felix wanted to spend his Friday night sparring (he’s an attractive and talented man, surely he could get a date or go out for drinks with friends or something), but he was honored Felix had asked. So honored, in fact, that he moved his date with cute girl #3 to Saturday night so he could spar.

Felix had drawn his sword and was now circling Sylvain, looking for an opening. Sylvain could feel Felix’s eyes on him, intense and consuming. He tightened his grip on his lance and readied himself for an attack. Suddenly, Felix swiped his sword at Sylvain’s exposed torso and Sylvain let out a shocked yelp.

“Not so tough now, are you?” Felix taunted with a smirk, “That was an obvious opening, even for a sword.”

Sylvain desperately wanted to wipe that smirk off of Felix’s face. He took advantage of his lance’s longer reach and stepped back a bit before jabbing at Felix. Felix had always been light on his feet so he easily jumped out of the way, but he was now on the defensive. Just as long as he could keep Felix a lance’s distance away, Sylvain was sure to win. 

With a particularly hard swing of his lance, Sylvain made contact with Felix’s side, causing him to momentarily lose his footing. As Felix regained his balance, Sylvain took another jab at him, this time a little too close to his face. Sylvain’s lance must have made contact with something, because as he withdrew it, Felix’s hair began falling out of his bun. Sylvain was transfixed as his raven hair cascaded dramatically past his shoulders, shining as the dim light caught it just right. Sylvain hadn’t noticed how much Felix had grown it out, but this length looked amazing on him.

Sylvain was so entranced by the sway of Felix’s hair as he moved that he didn’t notice Felix stepping closer to him, and yelped with shock as a well-placed blow to his knees sent him to the ground. He looked up as Felix stood over him, the accomplished smirk on his face framed perfectly by his hair. Sylvain absently wondered if Felix’s hair was soft. He wished he could braid it like he braided the hair of his many female companions, but he knew Felix would never allow that. 

Felix scoffed, “Pathetic. What were you thinking, letting your guard down like that? You had the advantage by using a lance and you threw it all away,” but he extended his hand to help Sylvain up, so Sylvain knew Felix wasn’t that upset.

Sylvain shrugged and grinned, “What can I say? I guess I haven’t been training as much as I should. It’s hard to find the motivation without you there to bug me about it.”

He could see Felix wince slightly at the implications of his words as he grabbed a hair tie from his wrist and began to put his hair up again. They spent a few moments in silence as Felix re-constructed his bun from earlier and Sylvain watched him. Part of Sylvain wished Felix would leave his hair down, but another part was delighted watching Felix’s fingers gather and twist his hair, forming the bun that he had now grown accustomed to. Maybe one day Felix would trust him enough to let Sylvain do it for him.

After Felix was convinced his hair was once again secure, he turned back to Sylvain and said, “Your desire to not die in battle should be enough motivation for you. You shouldn’t need me to have to convince you to train. In fact, you shouldn’t have to rely on me for anything.”

Those words stung. _Is that why Felix refused to talk to me all those years?_ Sylvain wondered, _Is it because he was afraid we would grow too reliant on each other?_ That just didn’t seem right. Sure, the Felix Sylvain knew was more on the loner side and definitely preferred independence, but he also looked up to Glenn and the knights and would tell Sylvain stories of how all the knights relied on each other and worked as a team. If anything, Felix should be happy Sylvain relied on him to make him work harder.

Sylvain could physically feel his anger and frustration. How dare Felix imply that missing him was a weakness when they hadn’t talked in four years! Without thinking, he retorted, “Well yeah, I probably shouldn’t rely on you for anything. I’d probably entrust you with the Lance of Ruin and when I needed to use it you’d be like, ‘oh, sorry I live in Almayra now and you’re never going to be able to contact me unless I decide I want to come back.’ I’m not sure if you’ve noticed Felix, but you’re not exactly the most reliable person around!” 

There was a shocked silence. He already regretted those words. This was not how he wanted this conversation to begin, not when Felix was obviously going through something. But there was nothing he could do about it now. All of the frustration, anger, and confusion inside Sylvain had bubbled up inside of him, and now he would have to face the consequences. He began putting his lance away so Felix wouldn't see he was on the verge of tears. 

While Sylvain had his back turned, Felix spoke, stoic and measured: “I’m going back to my room. Don’t follow me.” 

Sylvain turned around and called, “Felix! Wait, I’m sorry!” but it was too late, Felix had already left the arena.

As Sylvain packed his things up and started making his way back to his room, he started to cry. They were silent tears so any passerby wouldn’t notice unless they studied his face, but they were tears all the same. How could he have screwed up so badly? Now Felix was never going to talk to him again. How was he supposed to go to class? Felix was probably going to stab him on sight.

Unsure what to do but unwilling to wallow alone in his room, Sylvain found himself knocking on Ingrid’s door. Ingrid is the only person Felix talks to these days (although he did seem to be becoming fast friends with Annette), so Sylvain figured she’s the best person to ask for advice.

“Who is it?” Ingrid’s voice called from within the room.

“It’s Sylvain,” Sylvain sobbed, the tears evident in his voice.

Ingrid could definitely tell something was wrong, because the door was opened in record time and Ingrid was motioning him in. She guided him to her bed and started opening her drawers.

“Do you need anything to eat? I don’t have much right now, but I have some cookies and some fruit,” Ingrid asked as she turned her back to Sylvain, giving him time to collect himself before they started talking.

Sylvain wiped his eyes on his sleeves as he responded, “No thanks, Ingrid. I’m not really in the mood to eat.”

Ingrid turned around to face him, snacking on a few cookies. She sat down in her desk chair and looked at Sylvain with concern. She handed him some tissues and waited for him to blow his nose before asking, “Sylvain, are you okay?” in the most genuine tone Sylvain had ever heard.

“It’s about Felix,” Sylvain stuttered out. He had finally stopped crying, but more tears were threatening to come out of his eyes, and he could tell that if he cried again it would be much uglier. Sylvain was many things, but a beautiful crier wasn’t one of them.

Ingrid nodded knowingly, “Ah, so you’ve finally realized you have feelings for him.”

Sylvain looked at her, shocked, “No? Ingrid, I’m straight, remember?” he laughed awkwardly. He was already devastated over his fight with Felix, so he didn’t really want to add “sexuality crisis” to his list of problems.

Ingrid rolled her eyes, “Unfortunately. Well, it was worth a shot. You can’t say I didn’t try.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Sylvain said, “I’m here because Felix and I had a fight and I think I fucked everything up for good.”

“Well what did you say? I think you’d be surprised how hard it is to actually upset Felix, he’s just abrasive,” Ingrid responded.

Sylvain took a deep breath, “Okay, so we were sparring, right? And he beat me, but it was only because I was distracted by his hair, which is gorgeous by the way, and he told me that I hadn’t been training enough and I was like ‘well you weren’t there to bug me so I didn’t have the motivation to train.’ Then he told me I shouldn’t rely on him for anything and then I called him unreliable and called him out for not talking to me for four years and then he stormed out. And then I cried and now I’m here.”

Ingrid patted Sylvain’s knee comfortingly, “Well, the good news is I don’t think you messed anything up. Felix is definitely going to be angry for a little bit and you probably could have started this conversation better, but you’re right. He did ignore you for four years, and you two are going to have to talk about it at some point.”

“Well that’s reassuring I guess,” Sylvain gave Ingrid a watery smile, “But why did Felix ignore me in the first place? Does he hate me, Ingrid? Is it something I did? Will things ever be back to normal again?”

Ingrid moved from her spot on her chair to the bed beside Sylvain and she hugged him as he began to cry, loud and messy. As she rubbed circles on his back, she said, “Sylvain, I honestly couldn’t tell you why Felix does half the things he does. What I can tell you is he still cares about you. If he didn’t, he wouldn't have asked you to spar tonight, so that has to count for something, right? You can still salvage this relationship, you just have to give him some space first, okay?”

Sylvain nodded. He wanted to thank Ingrid, but he was crying so hard and his nose was starting to run, so he settled for leaning into Ingrid’s hug. The two of them sat like that for a while, in silence except for Sylvain’s occasional sob or sniffle. After a while, Ingrid handed Sylvain some cookies which he accepted. The sugar did make him feel slightly better, and he was finally able to stop the constant onslaught of tears running down his face.

“Hey, Ingrid?” Sylvain began, “How do I fix this? Like, how do I say ‘I’m sorry but also you were being a dick’ in such a way that Felix doesn’t stab me? Goddess, how do I even get him to talk to me?”

Ingrid laughed, “Sylvain, I’m not your mother. I can’t arrange a playdate with you and Felix if that’s what you’re asking.” Sylvain smiled weakly and playfully shoved her shoulder. “But I think the best way is to wait until Felix approaches you. You guys are classmates, so he literally has to talk to you at some point. Then I would just sit him down and tell him how you’re feeling. I would start with an apology so you can keep all of your limbs, but then I would tell him that you were really upset when he ignored you and ask him why. You deserve an explanation.”

Sylvain nodded, “Thank you so much, Ingrid. I literally have no idea what I would do without you.”

“You would probably be dead,” Ingrid agreed.

“Okay, that’s a bit harsh but given the fact that I just cried for an hour over a two minute interaction you’re probably right. I should get some beauty sleep because I look like a hot mess right now. Goodnight,” Sylvain said as he got up to leave.

“Goodnight, Sylvain. It’s all going to work out,” Ingrid reassured him as she shut the door behind him.

\---

Luckily, it was very easy for Sylvain to avoid Felix over the weekend. He just made sure to give the training grounds a wide berth (which he usually did anyways) and eat in the dining hall at normal times and there was no Felix to be seen. Unfortunately, he was so visibly shaken from their fight that he wasn’t his usual charming self on his date, and cute girl #3 told him she didn’t want to go out again. Sylvain would usually be more upset (How could a girl say no to him? He was such a catch!) but he had much bigger issues to deal with.

Of course, Sylvain had to see Felix on Monday. They were literally in the same class, and because there were only eight students in his class, it was essentially impossible for them to avoid each other. Felix, for his part, didn’t look like he was plotting Sylvain’s murder. In fact, he looked almost remorseful the few times Sylvain caught his eye (not that Sylvain was staring at him or anything, Sylvain was just able to see Felix from the best angle from where he was sitting and he would hate for his fortune to go unappreciated).

At the front of the room, Professor Byleth was outlining their next assignment. Turns out this was going to be a partner project, so Sylvain didn’t pay much attention to the instructions. His future partner was probably paying attention, and he knew he could sweet talk them into doing all of the hard parts.

So when the professor finished giving their instructions and announced, “Okay, everyone choose your partners!” Sylvain was caught off guard. He looked over to Ingrid, but she had already partnered with Ashe. Sylvain looked around: Dimitri had partnered with Dedue and Annette and Mercedes were happily brainstorming ideas in the corner. That just left Felix. Sylvain silently sent a prayer to the Goddess before plastering on his best smile and walking over to Felix.

“Hey Felix, it looks like we have to partner up on this one,” Sylvain said, trying to sound as non threatening as possible.

Felix regarded him for a moment before saying, “Alright, you better do your part. I am _not_ doing the entire assignment, no matter how much you whine and pout.”

 _Was that a joke?_ Sylvain wondered. He decided to take it as one and dramatically gripped his chest as if he had been stabbed. “Oh, you wound me Felix! I would never _ever_ think of making you do the entire project. What kind of man would that make me?”

Sylvain could have sworn Felix laughed under his breath before replying, “Oh, I wasn’t aware you were a man Sylvain. You’ve never once mentioned your manliness or lied about being a ‘perfect gentleman’ in class.”

Oh, snarky. Sylvain could deal with that. He smiled, a genuine one, before retorting, “I’ll have you know I _am_ a perfect gentleman. I always make sure my dates go home satisfied, if you catch my drift.”

“Whatever, let’s just get to work,” Felix scowled. Sylvain’s heart sank immediately. He was doing so well, just a few more moments and he might have even made Felix smile. _What happened?_ he wondered, looking at Felix out of the corner of his eye. Felix was putting on a convincing show of doing work, but Sylvain could tell he was faking it because he had been looking at the same illustration for the past two minutes. Although, that could actually be the assignment. Sylvain really had no idea what he was supposed to be doing right now.

“Hey, Felix?” Sylvain asked tentatively.

Felix sighed and looked up, “Yes, Sylvain?”

“What exactly are we supposed to be doing right now?”

“The assignment Professor Byleth just went over.”

“Okay, and what exactly is the assignment?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?!”

Felix fixed Sylvain with a glare so menacing Sylvain almost had a heart attack. He definitely _wasn’t_ freaking out because Felix’s face was closer to Sylvain’s than it had been the entire time they were at the academy, and Sylvain was looking right into Felix’s amber eyes. Sylvain was definitely _not_ awestruck at the deep hue of Felix’s eyes, and he most definitely _didn’t_ instinctively look down at his friend’s lips. He was straight, and straight guys don’t do that.

Felix stared at him for a few more moments before sighing, “You really weren’t paying attention at all were you? Just my luck.”

Sylvain had the decency to look sorry as Felix explained the entirety of the assignment and even let Felix give him the parts he didn’t want to do.

Then the bell chimed and everyone around them started packing up. “Great, we haven’t even started on the project and it’s due next week,” Felix grumbled, “We’re definitely going to have to work on this after class. Shit, I’m going to fall behind on my training.”

 _Time alone with Felix? Perfect!_ Sylvain thought before saying, “Why don’t we meet in the library after dinner tonight?”

“Seriously? The library is closed for construction until next Monday. How do you not know that? Do you just not do your homework?” Felix looked really exasperated at this point. Not that Sylvain could blame him, he was sure Felix was seeing his grade plummeting into smithereens with every passing moment.

“Hey, just because I don’t read the church’s library books doesn’t mean I don’t read other things,” Sylvain tried to defend himself, but that sounded pretty bad, “I mean like copies of the textbooks from home! Not like explicit stuff…” Yikes, why couldn’t Sylvain ever say anything normal to Felix?

Felix sighed, “I don’t really care about your reading habits, Sylvain, although I am glad to hear you can still read. Look, let’s just meet in my room tomorrow night. I have to train with the Professor tonight.”

“Sorry, I have a date tomorrow,” Sylvain really wanted to sink into the floor as Felix glared at him, “How about Wednesday night?”

“Fine, yeah that works for me. Come to my room on Wednesday after dinner or I’m telling the Professor you slept with that lady in the bookstore so she would give you the answers on last week’s homework,” Felix threatened.

 _Oh shit, how did Felix know about that?_ Sylvain wondered. Trying not to look caught off guard, Sylvain plastered on his best smile and winked as he cheerily said, “Great! It’s a date!”

Felix looked like someone just told him his dog died, but he said, “Okay, it’s a plan,” before walking in the direction of the training grounds.

Sylvain was so confused. How was Felix managing to be both friendly and hostile at the same time? And why did he look like he was going to fight Seiros herself whenever Sylvain mentioned his sex life? Hopefully when they talked everything would be resolved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sylvain: Is it gay to want to deeply stare into your homie's eyes before kissing him?  
> Ingrid: Yes, definitely.  
> Sylvain: I'm sorry I can't hear you over the sound of Felix and me being completely straight.
> 
> The next update should be around next Wednesday if everything goes to plan. My genius self decided that I needed to add ~another~ chapter so I'm writing that right now, and I probably won't post the next chapter until that one is done in case I have to change my timeline.


	6. Platonic Study Date

Felix was _not_ jealous when he saw Sylvain and his date walking around the monastery. Felix and Ingrid were playing a board game in the courtyard when he first saw them round the corner. Sylvain had his arm wrapped around her and her head was lazily resting on his shoulder. He was talking about how beautiful the sunset was before saying, “But not as beautiful as you, of course!” and kissing her. Felix definitely didn’t think that was sweet. He didn’t want Sylvain to do that to him at all. He most certainly did not want Sylvain’s strong arm around him, holding him comfortably against his body as he whispered in his ear and called him beautiful. Felix was going to throw up. Sylvain was just a disgusting bastard who would say anything to get laid.

Felix was _not_ jealous when he saw them sit on a bench and Sylvain started braiding her hair. His hands looked gentle, not pulling too hard but not letting her hair fall out of place. After he finished braiding her hair (masterfully, Felix might add) he picked some flowers off of a nearby plant and placed them in her hair. Felix saw Sylvain whisper something in her ear and she giggled before standing up. Sylvain took her hand and led her away, presumably to his room.

“Felix!” Ingrid all but yelled, waving her hand in front of his face.

Felix jumped, “What?!”

“It’s your turn. It has been for a few minutes, but you looked so funny staring at Sylvain that I let it slide,” Ingrid giggled.

“I was _not_ looking at Sylvain. I was simply looking in his direction because they were being loud and annoying,” Felix retorted, but he could feel himself turning red.

Ingrid nodded, “Yeah, and I saw Bernadetta willingly leave her room yesterday. What’s up Felix? Why are you always so weird when Sylvain’s involved?”

Felix looked at her like a frightened animal, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. If anything, I’m weird when it comes to Sylvain because I dislike him so much I can’t stand being around him.”

“Felix, why do you always insist on lying to me?” Ingrid sighed, “You know I know you better than that. I’m going to give you one more chance to tell me the truth, and then I’m going to start guessing. And I have a very good guess so I really think you should tell me the truth.”

The last thing Felix wanted to do was tell Ingrid about his crush (except for confessing to Sylvain himself, of course), but he knew he had no choice. As per usual, Ingrid had him all figured out. Felix took a deep breath before shoving himself out of the closet, saying, “I have a crush on Sylvain and I hate it.”

Ingrid smiled, “Now was that so hard? Not that I needed you to tell me, you’re not exactly subtle about it. Every time he’s on a date you glower at them and then mope around the training grounds until the professor kicks you out. Honestly, it’s a miracle Sylvain is as oblivious as you or he would have found out by now.”

Felix groaned, “Ingrid, you have to help me here! It’s literally torture having a crush on the biggest playboy in all of Fodlan. Every day I have to watch him flirt with a new girl and she gets to hold his hand and make out with him and go back to his room to have sex and I’m just stuck here knowing it will never happen because he literally hates me because I didn’t talk to him for four years.”

“Okay Felix first off, literally everyone in the monastery has had a crush on Sylvain for at least a week. Sure, yours has lasted way longer than your average crush, but you’re not special. We’ve all been there--”

“--Wait, you’ve had a crush on Sylvain?” Felix interrupted her, shocked.

Ingrid looked embarrassed, but nodded, “That was probably the lowest week of my life, but yeah. He’s a good guy underneath all those fake smiles you know, and he’s pretty hot. Trust me though, I’m _way_ over it. Anyways, the point is you’re not special so just stop with the self-pity. It’s getting you nowhere.”

Felix rolled his eyes but didn’t argue.

Ingrid continued, “So I think this is pretty obvious but you can either get rid of your crush, live in misery while your crush sleeps with everyone in the monastery except for you, or act on it. And no offense, but your attempt to get over it was an absolute disaster. I mean, now you’re both convinced the other hates you, you’re so touch starved you jump when I touch your shoulder and Sylvain is a sex fiend because he doesn’t believe in love. So really your only option is to wallow in your misery forever or act on it. Now, your edgy phase has lasted for four years to date so I suspect you’ll be tempted to take the misery route, but can I suggest acting on your crush?”

“No. Absolutely not. Out of the question,” Felix snapped back immediately.

“Why not?” Ingrid sighed, “What if he feels the same for you and you end up getting together and being happy?”

Felix laughed, “Sylvain? Sylvain the fuckboy, in a loving, long-term relationship with a man? Do we know the same Sylvain?”

“Okay, so you’re not optimistic but I think you have more of a shot than you think. You know, he told me he thought your hair was pretty,” Ingrid offered.

“Sylvain thought my hair was pretty? When was this, when we were eight?” Felix asked.

“Nope!” Ingrid beamed, excited to tell her friend the good news, “We were talking about it last weekend. I can’t give you the details because of that blood oath we all made to keep each other’s secrets but I can tell you he definitely said he thought your hair was pretty. Actually I think gorgeous was the word he used?”

Felix’s heart started beating faster and he felt warm inside. _Sylvain thought my hair was gorgeous!_ He thought, trying to suppress the smile he knew was showing because Ingrid was looking at him funny.

“You know, I haven’t seen you smile like that in a long time. It’s a good look for you,” Ingrid said, smiling back.

“Shut up!” Felix snapped his face back into its usual scowl, but shoved her side playfully, “Just because he likes my hair doesn’t mean he wants to date me. In fact, I know he doesn’t because the only thing Sylvain’s wanted since we were kids was a wife and a family. He’s straight.”

Ingrid shook her head, “Just because Sylvain’s never dated a man before doesn’t mean he doesn’t like men as well. Honestly, I think it’s worth a shot. If he shoots you down then that means you can at least start hating him and move on instead of pine after him for all eternity.”

Felix knew that Ingrid wasn’t going to let him not act on his crush, so he might as well take her advice while she was offering it. “Okay, what do you think I should do then?”

“I’m glad you asked,” Ingrid said, “I think your first step should be actually talking to Sylvain. Not about your feelings, at least not yet, but about why you literally refused to contact him at all for four years. If you’re friends with him, you’ll get to spend more time with him and then you can decide if he really is straight or if talking to him about your feelings is worth the risk.”

“Okay one small problem,” Felix interjected, “I refused to talk to Sylvain all that time because I had a terrible crush on him and I was hoping to will it away before watching him flirt with girls lead me to insanity. I'm not telling him that.”

Ingrid nodded as if she knew that already, “Yeah, that checks out. Well, why don’t you tell him your dad said you couldn’t talk anymore because he wanted you to get serious about this heir business? Even as kids Sylvain didn’t have the best reputation with the other parents.”

“Well that’s better than anything I would have come up with,” Felix said as he stood up, “Thanks for the pep talk, Ingrid. I don’t want to finish the game, so I guess I forfeit. Congratulations, you’ve outsmarted me at every turn.”

Ingrid laughed and said, “I know.”

\---

He knew it wasn’t an actual date, but he was nervous all the same. Sylvain was going to be here, alone with Felix in his room. Felix had cleaned his room twice since classes ended and laid three possible outfits on his bed (to be fair, Felix really only owned three outfits that weren’t his school uniform, and they all looked pretty similar). Felix made sure he took a bath this morning so his hair was in peak condition and smelled the best. After Felix got dressed in the first outfit he had put together for the third time and looked at himself in the mirror, he flung himself on the bed in defeat. _I’m so pathetic_ Felix thought miserably _I can’t even put an outfit together for a purely platonic group project get together. I’m so doomed._

Just as he felt himself begin to descend into the depths of self-pity, Felix heard a knock at the door. _Shit, I forgot to do my hair,_ Felix realized with a jolt. He grabbed the nearest hair tie, but it was too small to be used for the bun he always wore. _Well, I guess a messy half-up half-down is what he’s going to get,_ Felix fumed as he frantically tied the top half of his hair into a messy bun that looked ready to collapse at any second.

“Felix?” Sylvain’s voice came from the other side of the door, “You didn’t forget about me, did you? This is the night we’re supposed to work on the project together, isn’t it?”

Felix frantically lunged at the door, constructing his face into its usual stoic and haughty expression before opening the door, “Sylvain, I didn’t hear you knock. Come in.”

Felix turned around to walk into the room, but when he didn’t hear the door close or Sylvain’s footsteps he turned back. Sylvain was still standing in the doorway, staring at Felix with a look of shock. Felix fixed him with one of his world-famous glares, “Are you going to stare at me like a brainless idiot all day or are you going to come in?”

“Oh sorry,” Sylvain laughed awkwardly, running his fingers through his stupidly fluffy hair as he closed the door with his other hand, “It’s just been a while since I’ve seen you in casual clothes or with your hair in anything but a bun. It took me by surprise, that’s all.”

“You’re not the only one who owns multiple sets of clothes,” Felix tried to scowl, but he didn’t think it was working out because of the heat building below his stomach. Sylvain had just complimented his appearance (well, he didn’t compliment it but it was close enough for Felix) and he was walking closer. He was close enough for Felix to touch him now. If Felix was braver or more confident he would have pulled Sylvain in for a kiss. Alas, Felix was a gay coward.

Instead, Felix settled for motioning to his desk, “I only have one desk. I do have two chairs so we can work there, or we could work on the floor, whichever you prefer.”

Sylvain stepped closer to Felix to survey the desk. Any closer and they would be touching, Felix noted. What if Sylvain just grabbed his hand and laced their fingers together? Maybe he would trace circles on the back of Felix’s hand or squeeze it when he got excited about something. Felix’s mind immediately supplied him with a daydream about holding Sylvain’s hand as they walked around the monastery. Goddess he was touch starved.

“We should probably work on the floor,” Sylvain interrupted Felix’s fantasy, “I think your desk is made for short people because it looks much too low for someone like me to work on,” Sylvain winked.

“Okay, we literally have the same desk. And _I’m_ not short, _you’re_ freakishly tall,” Felix snapped, but he began moving his books from the desk to the floor.

“Well, agree to disagree,” Sylvain shrugged, sitting on the floor right next to Felix.

 _Seiros give me strength_ Felix prayed as Sylvain shifted and brought their legs flush with each other. Sylvain was rambling on about something related to the project, but Felix couldn’t bring himself to care until Sylvain suddenly turned his head so they were making direct eye contact and said, “What do you think, Felix?”

Felix’s brain short circuited. Sylvain was _right there_. If Felix leaned in just an inch, they could kiss. Felix was frantically telling his eyes not to look at Sylvain’s lips, but his eyes weren’t a much better alternative. Felix never understood why people described brown eyes as boring. Sylvain’s eyes were a warm, beautiful brown. To Felix, they were open, trusting, and looked like home. Felix needed to breathe, so he leaned back slightly before answering, “Sorry, can you repeat what you said? I don’t speak bumbling idiot.”

Sylvain laughed, but it came out strained. “I just said that it would be more effective if I did the cavalry part of the project while you focused on the foot soldiers. I didn’t realize simple logic counted as idiocy these days.”

_Good one, Felix._

“Everything you do is idiotic, but yes I think this once you are right,” Felix stammered. He could feel his face heating up and he hoped with every fiber of his being he wasn’t blushing right now. 

“Wow, Felix thinks I’m right, what an honor,” Sylvain said sarcastically before grabbing a book and getting to work.

They worked in silence for a while, legs always touching. Every so often, Sylvain would lean into Felix’s personal space to grab another book or a piece of paper and Felix would have to control his breathing to make sure Sylvain didn’t hear him gasp.

Finally, Sylvain broke the silence, “So I think I’m basically done with my section, how about you?”

“Yeah, I’m just about done too.” Felix had actually finished ten minutes ago but pretended to keep working because he liked the quiet intimacy.

Sylvain shifted his body so he was sitting across from Felix instead of beside him. Felix was sad at the loss of contact, but now he was able to look at Sylvain fully. He was wearing a fairly tight shirt that left no part of his muscular frame to the imagination. Felix allowed his eyes to scan Sylvain’s body, imagining how it would feel to run his hands down his arms or touch his toned stomach.

Suddenly, Sylvain reached out and touched Felix’s face. Felix jumped in surprise as Sylvain tucked a strand of hair that had fallen out of his messy bun behind his ear.

Sylvain laughed and smiled, “Sorry, I should have warned you first. Why don’t you wear it like this more often? It looks nice.”

Felix was so fucked. Sylvain’s smile was so bright and genuine that Felix felt the urge to smile too. In fact, he _was_ smiling right now, a full smile, and nothing Felix did was putting his face back in its normal position. _Why am I such a lovesick fool?_ Felix lamented.

“It gets in my eyes too much, especially when I’m sparring,” Felix responded, whipping his head around so the loose part of his hairdo fanned out and hit him in the face, “See? It’s annoying.”

Sylvain nodded, still smiling, “That makes sense. But what about for class?” Felix hadn’t heard such a genuinely interested tone come from Sylvain since they were children.

“It’s too much work to do different styles every day. I’d rather just put it in a bun and be done with it,” Felix shrugged, trying to look casual despite the wide smile that was still plastered across his face. He silently willed his face to make any other expression (he wasn’t picky; he would take any expression over this stupid smile), but he was powerless against the sheer brightness of Sylvain’s smile and the addicting feeling of his undivided attention.

“Well if you don’t want to do your hair I could always do it for you! I don’t want to brag, but I’m pretty good at braiding,” Sylvain suggested, mercifully not mentioning Felix’s uncharacteristic facial expression or the fact that he was probably smiling even wider at the suggestion.

“Braiding takes a long time, though. I don’t want to make either of us wake up earlier just to do my hair,” Felix dodged the offer, half hoping Sylvain would insist anyways. 

“Well I know you hate getting up early but I really don’t mind. Especially if it means spending more time with you,” Sylvain winked and Felix felt his heart leap, “So let me know if you ever want to mix it up.”

Felix nodded, “I’ll consider it. I’m still not convinced it would be worth the hassle.” Feeling Sylvain run his fingers through his hair would be more than worth the lost sleep, but Sylvain really didn’t need to know that.

Sylvain shook his head and laughed, “What made you want to grow it out so long if you just get annoyed at its length and refuse to style it?”

Felix hesitated before responding, “When it was short, it reminded me of Glenn…” He ( _finally_ ) stopped smiling and began fidgeting with the carpet.

He heard Sylvain make a small “oh” noise before speaking at his normal volume, “For what it’s worth, I don’t think you look like Glenn, you look like Felix. You’re your own person.”

“Thanks,” Felix mumbled. He suddenly felt very exposed.

After a few moments of silence, Sylvain spoke up again, “So I’m just going to address the elephant in the room here and ask you why the silent treatment? Did I seriously fuck something up so badly you never wanted anything to do with me again?”

Felix wasn’t surprised by Sylvain’s question. He had inexplicably ignored the other boy after all, and that wasn’t something people just forgot about. He considered using Ingrid’s lie, but it was too fake. Instead, he decided to be as honest as he could without blowing his cover, “I’m not ready to talk about it yet. It’s not your fault, though, so sorry for being an asshole. I was hoping we could move on from it? I miss being your friend, and you’re annoying when you mope around like that.”

Sylvain nodded, “Well ignoring that bit about the moping, which I have _not_ been doing by the way, I’ve missed you as my friend too. Everybody here hates me because they think I’m an insufferable womanizer.”

“Well, you _are_ an insufferable womanizer,” Felix pointed out.

“Okay, but even so it gets lonely, you know? I’m Fodlan’s most eligible bachelor and yet I have no friends. No one to go to bars with and pick up cute girls!”

Felix wrinkled his nose in disgust, “I was thinking our friendship would consist mostly of me not stabbing you every time you openly flirt with a girl in front of me and more sparring.”

“So no sleepovers?” Sylvain pouted.

Goddess, Felix couldn’t say no to Sylvain’s pouting face. Not that he really wanted to; a sleepover with Sylvain most definitely meant sharing a bed. And Sylvain would probably braid his hair for him in the morning. “Fine, but no more than once a month,” Felix conceded, “And you’re paying me back for the inconvenience by sparring with me.”

“Deal! Get ready Felix, I’m slowly gonna move into your room,” Sylvain pumped his fist in victory.

“Whatever, you pervert. It’s getting late, you should leave. No sleepovers on a school night.”

Sylvain laughed, loud and joyous, “Okay, _mom_ , I’ll leave.”

“Shut up before I tell Ingrid you made a move on the chef and that’s why she’s been giving all of us cold food.”

“ _Okay_ , I’m going. Seiros, Felix, how do you even know these things?” Sylvain asked as he got up.

“I have my sources,” Felix said as he shut the door in Sylvain’s face. Felix turned so his back was facing the door and then slid down so he was seated. _I actually survived alone time with Sylvain without dying,_ Felix thought happily, _and he said my hair was nice!_

Felix allowed the back of his head to rest on the door as he massaged his cheeks with his hands. He was so unused to smiling that his face was sore from that brief conversation. He would never admit it, but it felt nice to smile again. After spending so long refusing to express emotion, it was almost cathartic to allow himself to be emotionally vulnerable around someone.

Felix allowed himself a few moments to bask in the joy of talking with Sylvain, but in the back of his head he could feel himself hammering the final nail in his coffin. There was no way he could get over Sylvain now, not when the redhead made him smile like that. Not when Felix _wanted_ to smile with Sylvain like that.

With a groan, Felix stood up and decided he had better start planning his funeral now. At least if he was going to die it would be of happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter inspired by the time in high school I was talking with my crush and they smiled at me and I literally couldn't stop smiling back until they left because they just looked so happy (we were friends at the time so it wasn't that weird don't worry).
> 
> I'm actually really excited for the next chapter so I might end up publishing it early. Otherwise, I'm planning on publishing on Wednesday and Saturday nights (or more accurately Thursday and Sunday morning because my sleep schedule is fucked up) for the foreseeable future.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!!


	7. Felix Gets a Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy 3k words of Sylvain being an absolute idiot.

After that night in Felix’s room, they don’t talk about the last four years. Sylvain supposed it was for the best; Felix obviously went through something so awful he couldn’t talk about it and Sylvain’s history wasn’t the most flattering. Reopening old scars would probably be the worst thing they could do to each other right now. He was glad they were able to move on from it.

The past two months at school had brought Felix and Sylvain closer together than ever before (if you overlook the fact that Felix was keeping a huge secret from him, which Sylvain decided he should). It could be because Sylvain was the only one willing to put up with Felix when he got too caustic, but Sylvain chose to believe that it was something more than that. 

When he was younger, he read books about soulmates: two lovers destined to be together, no matter what the universe threw at them. Two souls that would cross entire oceans because of gut feelings their other half was on the other side. It was incredibly romantic--even a little too romantic for Sylvain’s taste--but he had to admit there seemed to be some cosmic power that kept on drawing him and Felix together. Not romantically, mind you, but as friends. Platonic soulmates. Platonic.

What else could describe the way they fell back into a comfortable routine with each other? Felix and Sylvain were in each other’s rooms as often as in their own, it seemed. There was a pile of books on Sylvain’s desk belonging to Felix and Sylvain had forgotten his assignments in Felix’s room on more than one occasion, which is why they both left their doors unlocked when they were alone in their rooms. Sylvain loved the familiarity of entering into Felix’s room unannounced, usually to share a quote from a book or ask him a question about class. Felix rarely entered Sylvain’s room unannounced, citing a fear of walking in on Sylvain having sex (which, in all honesty, was a pretty realistic fear) but on the rare occasion he did it made Sylvain feel warm.

“I found that book you’ve been looking for,” Felix’s voice came from the doorway. Sylvain looked up from his desk to see Felix’s slender silhouette framed in the doorway, a stack of books in his hands.

“Really? Felix, you’re the best!” Sylvain smiled enthusiastically at Felix, motioning for him to step into the room. Felix walked over to Sylvain’s desk and unceremoniously threw the books on top of Sylvain’s notebook. Sylvain supposed that was the price he had to pay for pressuring Felix into going to the marketplace for him.

“Yeah, whatever. You owe me now,” Felix walked over to sit on Sylvain’s bed. That’s when Sylvain noticed there was still something in Felix’s arms.

“Whatcha got there, Felix?” Sylvain asked, motioning to the object Felix was clutching.

Felix lowered his arm to reveal a box of chocolates. An _expensive_ box of chocolates, Sylvain noted. The kind he bought for girls who caught him cheating. Definitely not something Felix would buy for himself.

Sylvain raised an eyebrow, but Felix didn’t seem to be in a sharing mood, so he decided to pry some more, “Why do you have chocolate? I thought you hated sweets.”

“I do,” Felix shifted a little uncomfortably, “They’re for you.”

Felix bought him chocolates? That’s very considerate yet out of character for him. Nonetheless, the act of friendship made Sylvain feel warm. He smiled as Felix handed him the box, ignoring the way his stomach lurched in excitement when his hand brushed over Felix’s. 

“Wow! Thanks, Felix, these are really nice,” Sylvain said as he inspected the chocolates, “Why did you get these for me?”

“Some girl gave it to me, so don’t start feeling special. I didn’t really know what to do with them, so I figured I’d give them to you. You’ve been putting on a big show of being upset about your ‘huge breakup’ on Monday.” Leave it to Felix to stab him in the heart twice in three sentences. Calling him not special and then mentioning his breakup with Lisa. Or was it Lydia? Anyways, it hurt.

“A girl gave it to you,” Sylvain echoed with a smirk, “As in, a girl confessed to you?”

“Yeah, she said she wanted to get tea with me or something.” Felix shrugged as if the concept of being confessed to was an everyday occurrence. _Perhaps it was_ , Sylvain realized with a jolt. Felix was most certainly an attractive man, with an impressive intensity and an air of mystery that was sure to pique the interest of many women. Not to mention the fact that he was heir to house Fraldarius and had a crest. Sylvain wasn’t sure how to feel about his best friend being bombarded with women.

“What did you say?” Sylvain pried, suddenly very invested in the turn of events. He wasn’t sure why, but a tiny part of him hoped Felix had turned her down.

“I said no,” Felix said as if he was reading facts from a textbook, “I don’t have time for that.”

Sylvain let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding as relief washed over him. He had no idea why he cared about Felix’s love life. He supposed it was because if Felix had a girlfriend, he would have less time to spend with Sylvain. Also, Felix was much more likely to have a long term relationship, and it would be very embarrassing if Felix had more success with women than him. Yes, that was definitely it. Sylvain was feeling competitive.

Which is why he nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders and asked, “Does that kind of thing happen often?”

Felix looked at him curiously, “Why? Jealous?”

“Nope, just curious. It’s hard to imagine you talking with girls.” He was not jealous. Felix was wrong.

“It happens sometimes. More often than I would like.”

“Define ‘more often than you would like.’”

“I don’t know, I don’t keep a confession diary,” Felix snapped. The younger boy was definitely losing his interest in this conversation, but something inside of Sylvain had to know.

“Just give me a rough estimate,” Sylvain urged.

“Once a week,” Felix offered after a moment of consideration. _Wow, that’s often_.

“Seriously? You’ve been getting confessions _once a week_ since you got here?”

“Why are you so surprised?” Felix asked, glaring at Sylvain and sitting up straighter. He was on the defensive now; Sylvain was really pushing his luck.

“I don’t know, I’ve just never thought of you as the kind of person girls confess to. You don’t really seem like the kind of person who dates,” Sylvain said, regretting it the instant he said it. For a brief moment, he could see Felix’s eyes widen and his mouth part slightly as a wounded look came over Felix’s face. Sylvain’s heart plummeted. He felt absolutely awful knowing what he said had hurt Felix.

Then Felix’s eyes snapped to meet Sylvain’s and his hurt eyes was replaced with a glare so intense Sylvain felt as if he had just personally murdered Felix’s entire family. It was rare for Felix to get this emotional over anything, and Sylvain felt his heartbeat speed up in fear.

“Just because you don’t think I’m desirable doesn’t mean everyone thinks that,” Felix spat, getting up to leave.

“Felix, wait! I’m sorry, I didn't mean it like that,” Sylvain stood up to grab Felix’s wrist. The other boy jumped at the contact, clearly not expecting it.

“Then how did you mean it?” Felix asked, turning around to face Sylvain, tearing his hand out of Sylvain’s grip violently.

“I just mean you’re intimidating! You’re attractive and brooding and you stalk around the monastery glaring at people when you’re not training,” Sylvain looked into Felix’s almond-shaped eyes, mentally pleading with him to understand, “If I were a girl, I would be too scared to approach you, much less confess.” 

“Well if I were a girl, I wouldn’t confess to you either,” Felix’s glare remained on his face, but it was softer somehow, “You’d forget our second date and then cheat on me with my best friend. Not worth the heartbreak.”

“Oh sweetie, I’d never break your heart. You’re too important for that,” Sylvain said with a wink. _Where did that come from? It’s not like Felix is a girl I’m trying to hook up with._

Felix shook his head as if disappointed before turning to leave, saying, “Save it for your girls” over his shoulder.

Sylvain sighed, and turned to sit back down. As he moved, he saw a glint of something shiny on his desk. _It’s the chocolate,_ Sylvain realized with a pang. He felt guilty about making such a big deal out of what had initially been an act of kindness on Felix’s part. He wasn’t quite sure why he did it in the first place, but it had definitely been uncalled for.

He tried to focus on his homework, but the emotions in him were too overwhelming. Why was he so upset about the idea that Felix might in the future get a girlfriend? Surely he should want what’s best for his friend, and of course having a girlfriend was best for everyone. So why did the idea of Felix cancelling their plans to go on a date upset him so much? It’s not like Sylvain wasn’t getting any action; in fact, Sylvain was the one who occasionally cancelled their plans to get laid. Was he really so afraid of losing his best friend that he believed some girl would get in the middle of it?

\---

After the chocolates incident, Sylvain was on guard. Felix probably said no to that girl because he had his eye on someone else, and he was determined to figure out who that person was. So that he could be a supportive friend and play matchmaker, of course.

Sylvain’s first suspect is Annette. Those two definitely had a connection, so when he saw the two of them eating together in the dining hall, he decided to join them to scope it out.

“Sylvain, what are you doing here?” Felix asked irritably as Sylvain sat next to him in the dining hall.

“Spending time with my friends? Is that an issue?” Sylvain responded, afraid that he had already horribly misread the situation. _Were they on a date right now? Did I just crash a date?_ Sylvain worried. Of course, any date as unromantic as the dining hall deserved to be crashed.

“Not at all!” Annette beamed at him from across the table, “It’s usually just Felix and me on Tuesdays, but it’s nice to have company.”

“Thank you, Annette,” Sylvain smiled back at her before turning to Felix, “See? Annette likes me. It’s just you who hates me.”

Felix rolled his eyes and Annette laughed, “Oh, I don’t think Felix hates you.”

“No, I definitely do,” Felix said, glaring at Annette.

“Mark my words, one day I’ll make you change your mind,” Sylvain vowed, “Although, I have to say, I’m hurt! Did all those knightly missions of our youth mean nothing to you?”

“Oooh, knightly missions?” Annette asked, putting her elbows on the table and leaning closer to Sylvain. Beside him, Felix was blushing. Sylvain couldn’t figure out if it was because of Annette’s proximity or because Sylvain was about to tell an embarrassing childhood story. 

Sylvain nodded, “Yeah, when we were younger Felix and I would pretend to be knights and run around the halls slaying dragons and rescuing damsels. I’ve never met a man more chivalrous than Sir Felix the Strong.”

“Oh my Goddess,” Annette laughed jovially, “Felix, why did you never tell me that! That’s adorable!”

“Because it was stupid. We were kids and we were idiots,” Felix said, doing nothing to stop Annette’s laughter. This time, Felix’s glare was directed at Sylvain, although it was less menacing when the remnants of a blush still lingered on his cheeks, giving him a rosy glow.

“Aw, come on, liven up a little!” Sylvain shoved Felix’s shoulder playfully, “Everyone does stupid shit as a kid. That’s what makes it funny!”

“If it makes you feel better, I used to make up songs and sing them to myself when I was younger,” Annette offered.

“You can sing?” Felix asked. To the untrained eye he would seem fairly uninterested, but Sylvain knew better. The fact that he was even asking meant he cared, and his eyes were focused on Annette instead of darting around alertly like they usually do.

Annette smiled, “Nope! But I still think it’s fun.”

Felix opened his mouth as if he was going to say more, but decided against it. Annette said something else to continue the conversation, and she and Sylvain filled the rest of the meal with small talk. Annette might actually be interested in the school Sylvain attended before Garreg Mach, but Sylvain didn’t really care. He allowed himself to go on autopilot as he considered Felix’s behavior. 

Sylvain was having a difficult time determining if Felix had a crush on Annette or not. It was very strange for Felix to show interest in something that wasn’t directly related to performing better on the battlefield, and having him ask for more information about something he didn’t care about was all but unheard of. However, if Felix really had a crush on Annette, Sylvain was fairly certain he would be showing more interest in magic. All of the interactions Sylvain had with Annette outside of class were magic related. As a swordsman, Felix definitely had a justification to be interested in magic, so it was strange that he wouldn’t take it to spend more time with his crush (instead, Felix was interested in lances for some weird reason). It was definitely very likely that Felix had a crush on Annette, but something just didn’t add up. 

Unfortunately for Sylvain, his conclusion didn’t offer him the closure he was expecting to feel. He was expecting to feel a sense of accomplishment for figuring something out, and perhaps a little excitement at trying to set his best friend up with someone. Instead, he felt strangely sad that his friend would divert his attention to someone other than him. Which was entirely illogical. It’s not like Sylvain was upset every time Felix talked with Ingrid, so he wasn’t sure exactly what was different.

\---

And then one day Felix cancelled their plans. He just walked into Sylvain’s room and told Sylvain he wouldn’t be able to spar with him that night, even though it was Friday night, their unofficial official sparring night. And then tried to leave with no explanation.

“Woah, Felix where do you think you’re going?” Sylvain called after him, causing the other boy to pause in the doorway momentarily.

“My room,” Felix stated, cocking his eyebrow in annoyance but moving further into Sylvain’s room.

Sylvain shook his head, “No way I’m letting you leave without telling me why you cancelled our plans. You’re the one who pushed for sparring sessions on Friday nights!”

“I don’t have to tell you,” Felix pouted at Sylvain (it was very adorable), “All you need to know is I’m not showing up tonight.”

“Feeelix,” Sylvain whined, “Is whatever you’re doing so top secret you can’t even tell your best friend? You know, most friends tell each other when exciting things happen in their lives.”

Felix smirked (which was less adorable but definitely hot. If you’re into that, which Sylvain is most definitely not), “Oh, like that time you told me you were bringing your girlfriend to dinner so I would know not to talk about that other girl you were hooking up with?”

“Okay, that was one time!” Sylvain protested, “And I _forgot_ to tell you. You’re just straight up refusing to tell me. Those are two entirely different things.”

“I’m not going to tell you,” Felix crossed his arms and glared at Sylvain as if to imply he wasn’t budging on the issue.

Sylvain shrugged, “Fine, if you don’t tell me I’ll just follow you around tonight to see what top-secret things you get up to.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“You know I would. I have absolutely no shame.”

Felix chuckled at that before sighing, “Fine. But you have to promise not to make a big deal out of it.”

“Yeah, okay,” Sylvain nodded, excited to hear what Felix was getting up to.

“I’m serious. Promise.”

“Fine. Felix Hugo Fraldarius, I, Sylvain Jose Gautier, promise not to make a big deal out of whatever secret activities you’re getting up to on Friday nights,” Sylvain proclaimed dramatically, straightening his posture and puffing out his chest. He could have sworn Felix’s mouth turned upward ever so slightly at his antics. He felt a slight surge of pride at that; making Felix smile was one of his favorite pastimes.

“I have a date,” Felix said. Sylvain was glad he wasn’t holding anything because he would have most certainly dropped it. There were two parts of his brain warring for supremacy. One half of his brain was freaking out because his worst fears were coming true; Felix was leaving him for some girl. The other half of his brain was spinning with questions about who it could possibly be. Was it Annette? Surely he would have already heard if Felix and Annette had a date. What was Felix’s type? Did he like redheads? Why did Sylvain even care if Felix liked redheads? For an instant there was silence as Sylvain processed what had just happened.

Finally, Sylvain recovered, “Really? Who's the lucky lady?”

“I’m not telling you.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re a horrible gossip and I don’t know if anything is going to happen,” Felix shifted uncomfortably at being put on the spot, “There’s probably not going to be a second date, so what’s the point in telling you who I’m going with?”

That was obviously not the complete explanation, but it was most definitely all Sylvain was going to get. He decided to keep all of his limbs attached to his body and quit while he was ahead.

“Fine then, you don’t have to tell me who if it goes poorly. But if it goes well, I better be the first person you tell,” Sylvain conceded, turning to begin cleaning off his desk, signaling to Felix he was done with the conversation.

“Fine. See you tomorrow,” Felix said before leaving Sylvain’s room, slamming the door a little louder than Sylvain thought was strictly necessary.

Alone, Sylvain had more time to process what had just happened. Felix was going on a date tonight. A _date_. A romantic getaway with flowers and hand holding and small talk and kissing and perhaps more. Was Felix a virgin? Was he good in bed? Not that Sylvain wanted to think about Felix’s sex life or anything.

He thought of Felix walking down the halls, hand in hand with some faceless girl, perhaps smiling gently at something she said. Felix was probably not into PDA, but what would it be like to see Felix kiss someone? The image of Felix casually kissing someone hello or goodbye in the hallway hurt Sylvain more than he was expecting. He was _jealous_. Not of the girl or Felix (obviously) but of the situation. Sylvain was doomed to never have a healthy relationship, so of course it would hurt seeing his best friend obtaining what he would never have. That had to be why he was upset. There was literally no reason why this would upset him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, this chapter based on a true story where I didn't start to question my sexuality until my friend started dating someone else. Looking back I was a total idiot, but in the moment it's all like "why do I feel weird?" The struggle is real, as is my ability to project onto fictional characters.
> 
> Thanks for reading and sticking with this fic! This idiot figures it out eventually, I promise.


	8. Annie Gets Involved

Felix’s date goes horribly. He wasn’t surprised; he wasn’t exactly the most dateable person. He had known it was a horrible idea when Ingrid suggested it, telling him that if he wasn’t going to act on his crush he better get used to the idea of being with someone else. The date was meant to show Felix that there were guys out there for him and (if all went well) finally rid him of his crush.

Unfortunately, almost the opposite happened.

The other guy was attractive enough, and he was a member of the Knights of Serios, so they should have had things to talk about. Even so, it just felt _wrong_. The other guy was too sensitive and lacked the charisma and confidence Felix found so attractive. Instead of smiling and cracking a joke when Felix shut down a conversation about his family, his date actually got offended, leading to an awkward silence. Felix couldn’t help but compare his date to Sylvain, and in all categories he was coming up short. All in all, a total waste of Felix’s time.

Which is why he definitely didn’t want to be sitting on a bench in the Monastery courtyard next to Sylvain as the older boy grilled him about his Friday night. Felix was expecting some sort of questioning from his drama-loving friend, but this interrogation was meticulous and bordering on obsessive. He had been drilled about times, locations, activities, and conversation topics as if Sylvain was attempting to construct a comprehensive timeline of the event. Felix would be lucky if he didn’t drop the gender of his date before Sylvain was satisfied. 

“So you’re telling me you went on a date and didn’t manage to talk about _anything_ interesting? Not one conversation caught your interest at all?” Sylvain was asking, pulling Felix out of his self pity and back into reality.

“We talked about Monastery security,” Felix offered, “But then we started talking about the books in the library and the food in the dining hall which was insanely boring.”

“But you love talking about the library?” Sylvain cocked his head to the side in confusion. It was true that Felix and Sylvain talked about the library a fair amount. Sylvain was more of a bookworm than he let on and once he ran out of the books he brought from home he began scouring the library for new material. He was often telling Felix about some obscure new section in the library or rambling about his favorite authors. Felix didn’t care about books too much (he had already read the school’s lacking selection of books on swordsmanship), but he loved watching Sylvain talk so passionately about something he cared about, so he humored the other boy. Of course, if Felix told Sylvain he wasn’t interested in the library Sylvain would definitely stop talking about it with him, which was the last thing Felix wanted. So he feigned interest, and Sylvain was none the wiser.

Felix shrugged, “I don’t know. It was boring. They didn’t say anything I didn’t already know.”

“Did you kiss?” Sylvain asked abruptly. Felix had been anticipating this question for a while. For Sylvain, dates were just a way to have sex with someone without looking like a total jerk.

“I just said we had nothing to talk about. Why would we kiss?” Felix rolled his eyes.

“I don’t know, because she was hot?” Sylvain shrugged, “You don’t need to like someone’s personality to have fun kissing them.”

Of all of Sylvain and Felix’s differences, this was the difference that Felix hated the most. All the other differences stemmed from common motivation. Their common need to recharge sent Sylvain into crowds of people and forced Felix to remain alone in his room for hours on end. Their common need to feel control over some aspect in their life pushed Sylvain to go on dates and found Felix at the training grounds. Their common need to be more than a crest had Sylvain struggling with his identity and Felix refusing to budge on his. But their views on what a physical relationship meant were fundamentally different. 

Felix was of the belief that physical intimacy should be reserved for someone you have a connection with. This stemmed from a particularly bad relationship in his youth that left him upset and confused. He had been casually making out with some noble’s son when suddenly the other boy introduced him to his girlfriend and gave him a pointed look that said _whatever we had is over_. He knew it was stupid, but after a while he had begun to feel some semblance of what he felt for Sylvain for the other boy, so he was devastated. Felix wasn’t about to make the same mistake twice, so he wasn’t going to do anything casual. Some people are made for casual hookups, but Felix wasn’t one of those people.

On the other hand, Sylvain was basically designed for casual hookups. He was of the belief that physical intimacy and emotional connection were two different things. Sylvain didn’t care what anyone’s personality was; as long as he found them attractive he would sleep with them. That’s what broke Felix’s heart: even if he were to one day do those things he so desperately wanted to do with Sylvain, it would still be emotionless for the other boy.

Felix knew Sylvain wouldn’t understand Felix’s reasoning against casual kissing, so he just avoided eye contact and mumbled, “Maybe you can, but I can’t.”

Sylvain made a faint “oh” sound, as if realizing this was a sore spot for Felix. _If only he knew how much it hurt me to hear him talk about casual intimacy,_ Felix thought sadly.

After an awkward silence, Sylvain recovered and plastered on a fake smile, “So I’m guessing there’s no chance you’re telling me who this _horrendously boring_ date was with?”

“Why do you even care? It’s not like we’re going out again,” Felix deflected. He didn’t really have a good excuse for not telling Sylvain who he was with, except for him not wanting to come out to Sylvain just yet. The guy was observant, and if he knew Felix was gay he would probably piece together Felix’s feelings for him pretty quickly.

“I don’t know, I guess I just want to know your type. After all, you know mine, so it’s only fair I know yours,” Sylvain kept that plastic smile on his face. It made him look incredibly attractive, but Felix hated it for how fake it looked. Also, Felix definitely didn’t know Sylvain’s type.

“You have a type other than women with a pulse?” Felix asked sarcastically.

“Oh come on, Felix. I might not be that picky, but I still have a type.”

“I don’t know your type, and I don’t care to. I don’t see how it’s relevant to our friendship.” Okay, Felix was actually incredibly curious to know Sylvain’s type, but there was no way in hell he was going to admit it.

“I think it’s incredibly relevant. What if I see a girl who’s _exactly_ your type? It’s my responsibility as your friend to get her to talk to you! It’s a cutthroat dating pool out there, and us guys have to help each other out!”

“Okay then, if you’re so keen on sharing out types, spill.”

“Well I like girls who are athletic, passionate about something, and have long hair. I don’t know why, but there’s just something about running your fingers through a girl’s hair, you know?”

Felix felt his heart shatter. He matched every descriptor on Sylvain’s list, except for “girl,” which was the one thing that Sylvain probably didn’t plan on compromising on. 

“Long hair gets tangled. Not as hot as you might think,” Felix pointed out.

Sylvain laughed before nudging Felix, “Whatever. I told you mine, so now you tell me yours.”

“I’ve never really thought about it.”

“Oh, come on. Just think of people you’ve been attracted to. What do they have in common?”

 _You. I’ve never been attracted to anyone like I’ve been attracted to you._ “I guess I like redheads,” Felix settled on. That was a common enough preference and there were enough redheads both in his territory and at Garreg Mach that Sylvain probably wouldn't connect that particular attribute to himself. Especially because Sylvain was dead set on everyone being straight. It actually hurt to watch, if Felix was being honest.

“Oooh, like Annette?” Sylvain wiggled his eyebrows like an idiot.

“Sure.” Felix didn’t care who Sylvain thought he had a crush on as long as he didn’t find out it was him.

“Wait, your date wasn’t with Annette was it?” 

“No. Why would I go on a date with Annette?” Felix asked, genuinely confused. Annette was his friend, but much like Ingrid, they had no romantic feelings for each other whatsoever. At least, not on his side; Felix was never particularly good at determining other people’s feelings towards him.

The taller boy shrugged, “I don’t know, you two seem to get along well and she’s a redhead. Seems like it would be a good fit.”

“It wasn’t Annette,” Felix insisted, purposefully not elaborating further. He was getting tired of this conversation, especially now that they were talking about Annette.

Sylvain seemed to pick up on the fact that Felix wanted to be left alone because he stood up and said, “Well, I have to return some books to the library. Goodnight Felix.”

Felix nodded in acknowledgement but didn’t move to stand up. He didn’t really feel like moving right now, especially when the temperature outside was so nice and he had an unfinished paper waiting for him in his room.

“That was hard to watch,” a voice came from the corner of the courtyard. Felix looked over to see Annette sauntering over to him cheerily.

“Do you have a habit of eavesdropping?” Felix asked as Annette sat down next to him on the bench.

“No, but I saw you and Sylvain talking and you looked so distressed I just had to see what you were talking about!” She laughed as if Felix’s misfortune was the most entertaining thing to happen to her all day.

“I wasn’t distressed,” Felix deadpanned.

Annette leaned in a little closer, “Really? Because telling your crush you’re into redheads and having him assume it’s someone else is pretty distressing. Although if you were trying to flirt you should have probably taken a more direct approach.”

“He’s not my crush!” Felix protested, a little too loud and a little too quick. Annette looked at him with a face that said _do you seriously think you can lie to me?_

“Felix, I might be young but I’m not stupid,” Annette shook her head, “You’re so obviously in love with the guy. You spend all of your time with him. You’re studying _lances_ in your free time for Seiros’ sake! You hate lances. You once told me that lances were the most inferior weapons and you would never be caught dead wielding one!”

“It’s important to understand combat with lances to be a well-rounded fighter,” Felix said, trying to justify his obvious attempt to spend more time with Sylvain.

“Fine. If you’re not going to admit it then I’ll just assume that the redhead comment _was_ about me, and things are going to start to get really awkward,” Annette threatened.

“I don’t have a crush on you.”

“So then you have a crush on Sylvain.” Annette was not budging on this. How annoying.

“I find Sylvain attractive,” Felix admitted, “And if he asked me to date him I would consider it.”

Annette’s eyes widened before saying sarcastically, “Wow, you would _consider_ dating him? You have it bad.”

“Shut up, no I don’t,” Felix tried to save face.

“Okay, I know you’re insanely horrible at the whole relationship thing, so I’m going to take pity on you and help you out!” Annette offered, “All you have to do is say ‘I’m in love with Sylvain.’ That’s it!”

Oh she was cruel. “There’s no way I’m doing that.”

“Fine then. I’m going to go tell Sylvain we’re dating, since you like redheads so much,” Annette moved to get up.

“Wait,” Felix grabbed her arm, and she turned around to look at him expectantly, “...I’m in love with Sylvain.” It actually felt quite liberating to say out loud. He had admitted his attraction to Sylvain, but he had never expressed just how deep those emotions went. It was nice to know there was someone else who shared his secret in its entirety.

“See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Annette smiled sweetly and sat back down.

“So are you going to help me or not?” Felix demanded. He had just spilled the contents of his heart to Annette, so he expected her to maintain her end of the deal.

“Of course I’m going to help you!” Annette waved her hands excitedly, “Just leave it all to me!”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Felix asked reluctantly.

“I don’t quite know yet, but the next time an opportunity comes up to spend more time with Sylvain, you should take it!” She smiled, “And I'm going to help you master the art of seduction." Here Felix looked at her with disbelief. "Don't look at me like that! I’m actually really good at relationship stuff.”

“Have you ever even been in a relationship?”

“Hey!” Annette stared at him, offended, “I’ll have you know Mercedes and I have been dating for almost a year. I’m the best shot you have at relationship advice.”

“Oh, I didn’t know,” Felix said dumbly.

Annette shrugged, “Well I can’t blame you, we try to keep it quiet. You know how parents are.” Felix nodded. Parents really made the whole questioning and dating process much harder. “You know, now that I think about it, we’re both in love with our childhood best friends! We’re basically the same person!”

“Practically twins,” Felix deadpanned.

“You know what I meant!” She protested, “You should really be nicer to me. I’m going to arrange you a _substantial_ amount of time alone with Sylvain. Think of all the opportunities you’ll have to make your move!”

“I’m not going to make a move on Sylvain,” Felix insisted. Felix didn’t know the first thing about flirting, and he was most certainly not going to face that steep learning curve by practicing on the boy he was in love with.

“Fine. But don’t come crying to me whenever he gets a new girlfriend! Every moment you’re not seducing Sylvain is a moment he’s out seducing someone else.”

“I thought you were supposed to be helping?”

“Oh don’t you worry, I _will_ be helping you. I’ll teach you how to hold hands and everything,” Annette wiggled her eyebrows as if she was planning on telling him lewd secrets, “Although right now I think your time is better spent focusing on not failing your classes. You’re going to need free time later for seducing boys. Cancelling plans to catch up on homework is _not_ seductive.”

Felix did not particularly want to do homework on a Saturday night, but he was procrastinating that essay and he really shouldn’t put it off for much longer. And he didn’t want to talk about “seducing” Sylvain anymore. There was no way Felix would ever be able to pull something like that off, and he would definitely make a fool of himself trying.

“I will not be seducing anyone, but I will go finish my essay,” Felix declared as he stood up.

Annette stood up too, “Oh, you’re heading to the dorms? I’m actually going there too, let’s walk together!”

“I don’t suppose I have a choice?” Felix sighed.

“Nope!” Annette smiled at him cheerily as she fell into step beside him, “So we might as well take this time for my first lesson in seduction: being nice.”

“Being nice?” Felix echoed, unimpressed, “Exactly how is that seduction?”

Annette shook her head, “It’s not, but you’re so mean that I needed to add in an extra step. You know, most people’s gut reaction to communicating with others isn’t to insult them.”

“Really, I hadn’t noticed,” Felix said sarcastically.

“And that’s exactly what I’m talking about,” Annette huffed, annoyed but not insulted by Felix’s sarcasm, “I’m sure Sylvain knows you well enough to know you don’t actually mean to be a jerk, but it can be off putting sometimes. Especially if he’s trying to figure out if you have feelings for him. Nothing kills the mood like nonstop mockery.”

Felix shook his head, “But if I just stop insulting Sylvain out of nowhere he’ll know something is up. Also, more often than not he deserves a good insult.”

“That’s where my guidance comes in!” Annette continued, undeterred by his lack of enthusiasm, “The key is to find a balance. You can still insult him sometimes, but maybe sprinkle in some times where you _don’t_ insult him. And if you’re feeling really risqué, maybe throw in a compliment.”

“Goddess, now I have to _compliment_ him?” Felix groaned a touch dramatically. It’s not like complimenting Sylvain wouldn’t have its benefits; he got this adorable look of accomplishment whenever Felix said something nice to him and Felix wouldn’t mind seeing that expression more. But Felix wasn’t exactly confident in his ability to compliment Sylvain without it coming off as backhanded or just plain weird.

“Baby steps, Felix. Just focus on not insulting him for right now,” Annette reminded him with an eye roll, “Compliments from you won’t sound genuine until you establish that you don’t actually hate him.”

“Sylvain knows I don’t hate him,” Felix argued.

“But does he know you value his friendship? Does he know you enjoy spending time with him?”

“Probably.”

“Well let’s make that ‘probably’ a ‘definitely’ by avoiding making comments about how he’s a burden on you and how he’s wasting your time. Every other insult is on the table.”

Felix nodded. He could do that. After all, Felix didn't think of Sylvain as a burden or a waste of his time. He really only said those things because he was afraid to admit just how much Sylvain meant to him.

“Trust me, you will be seducing Sylvain by the time I’m done with you,” Annette winked, “Now go finish that essay. You can’t seduce Sylvain if you drop out.”

“Again, I’m not seducing him. Goodnight,” Felix insisted before walking to his door.

“Goodnight and good luck!” Annette yelled behind him as he stepped inside his room.

 _All I have to do is stop pushing Sylvain away,_ Felix thought to himself as he walked into his room, _I can do that. I can start to let him in._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Casually slides in some Mercedes/Annette content because I love them*
> 
> Thank you guys so much for all the comments and kudos, they really make my day!


	9. Facing Failure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, thank you guys so much for over 1,000 hits!
> 
> This is a shorter chapter, but it deals with self doubt/self confidence issues so if that's hard for you to read I would suggest reading my notes at the bottom to get the jist of the chapter.
> 
> Also, I'm using gender neutral pronouns for Byleth so you can imagine them as whatever gender makes you happiest.

Sylvain swallowed as Professor Byleth graded his certification exam. It was not his best work; honestly, he was pretty ashamed of it. He had spent all weekend obsessing over Felix’s date so he didn’t study. Not that Sylvain usually studied all that much, but he should have at least done the required readings. Sylvain didn’t even know half the words on that test.

Finally, Professor Byleth stood up and walked over to where Sylvain was sitting. They handed him his test, face down. _Oh, that’s not a good sign,_ Sylvain thought, his heart plummeting.

“Sylvain, did you do the readings?” They asked calmly.

Sylvain shook his head as he turned the paper over. A 50%. His jaw dropped in shock. Sylvain had never seen a grade that low. Sure, Sylvain screwed around and didn’t pay attention in class, but he was _smart_. Like, ditching half the classes and still getting the top grade smart.

“I’m going to be honest, this is very disappointing. You’re usually one of my top students,” Byleth continued, studying him carefully. Sylvain would never admit it, but the stern disapproval in Byleth’s voice pierced his heart like a dagger. He was on the verge of tears.

“I’m sorry professor, I guess I’m just distracted,” Sylvain shrugged, trying to maintain his illusion of nonchalance. He honestly didn’t know why his performance was so bad. Usually during tests he didn’t study for he was able to write out his thought process and reason his way to the right answer, but for some reason today he just couldn’t make those words come. It was like writer’s block or something.

Byleth shook their head, “You’re always distracted, Sylvain. This is something different, something _deeper._ Is everything okay?”

“Yep, everything’s just peachy!” Sylvain said with a wink, “Never been better, in fact.”

“I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me,” The professor sighed. Sylvain could tell they were regretting giving up mercenary work for a teaching position right about now.

“There’s nothing to talk to you about,” Sylvain insisted, and he almost believed it. There was just _no way_ that Felix’s love life was bothering him so much it was impacting his school work.

“Fine, don’t talk to me then,” Byleth shrugged, “But I sincerely hope you’re talking to _someone_ about whatever’s happening. You’re really smart, Sylvain. It would be a shame to see your progress stalled because you refused to ask for help.”

“Don’t worry, professor, I’ll get this sorted out in no time,” Sylvain stood up and stretched casually so they wouldn’t catch on to how upset he actually was by this situation, “This genius brain of mine will be at peak capacity before you know it!”

“Take care of yourself, Sylvain,” Byleth called as he left.

Sylvain did not handle failure well. He never had. He was supposed to be the perfect child, his parent's golden boy, and Gautier’s flawless heir. He had to be, after Miklan. It was another one of those things his parents drilled into him as if it was fact. And for the most part, Sylvain was pretty good at maintaining that perfect image. He was a fast learner when he wanted to be, so he picked up new skills quickly. He was also especially skilled at appearing to know what he was doing, even if he didn’t.

The only person who had the nerve to insult anything Sylvain was doing (other than Professor Byleth, who was a new development) was Felix. Felix was never afraid to stare into Sylvain’s soul and list everything he was doing wrong at any given moment. Everyone else was either too scared to anger Sylvain’s parents or too busy trying to get on Sylvain’s good side. Even Ingrid didn’t like confrontation, so she usually reserved her “constructive criticism” for when Sylvain needed a reality check.

Which is probably why Sylvain decided to barge into Felix’s room on the verge of tears and with his failed test in hand. He was the only person Sylvain trusted to be imperfect in front of.

“So how did it go?” Felix asked absently. He was sharpening his sword and didn’t bother to look up as he heard Sylvain enter. He was making that attractive focusing face Sylvain was so fond of. It almost distracted Sylvain from his misery. Almost.

“Like shit. I fucked it up so bad,” Sylvain said bitterly.

Felix scoffed, still not looking up, “What did you get? An 85?”

“A 50.”

Felix finally looked up at him, shock painted on his face. When their eyes met, it slowly morphed into concern. _I must really look like a mess_ , Sylvain realized. Felix hadn’t looked that concerned about anything since that time Sylvain almost died.

“How did that happen?” Felix demanded. Based on his facial expression, Sylvain assumed Felix had intended the question to come out softer.

“Well I kind of forgot it was today so I didn’t study--”

“--You never study. That’s your whole thing. You don’t study and then you show up for the test hungover and fuck with the curve,” Felix pointed out, glaring at him now. 

“Hey! It’s not my fault I’m a good test taker!” Sylvain protested. He was seconds from bursting into tears, and Felix’s brutal honesty was not helping nearly as much as Sylvain had hoped.

“I’m just saying, that’s a shit excuse. What’s the real reason?” Felix put his sword aside and crossed his arms, waiting for an explanation.

“That’s the thing, I don’t know! I was trying to write the answers, and the words just wouldn’t come!” Sylvain exclaimed, exasperated. To emphasize his point, he dramatically threw himself onto Felix’s bed.

“So? I’ve heard you talk to women with your half-assed excuse for language. It’s not the words you’re good at, it’s the concepts. You just understand shit.”

“Well, I didn’t ‘just understand’ this! Maybe I’m a failure, and I’m just learning now because Professor Byleth isn’t afraid to fail me,” Sylvain lamented as he burst into tears. If his parents were wrong about him being the perfect Gautier heir, what else were they wrong about?

“Shit,” Felix swore under his breath before sitting on the bed above Sylvain’s head, “Sylvain, why are you crying?”

Sylvain looked up at Felix. The other boy’s eyes were wide with uncertainty; he obviously had no idea how to deal with this sudden outburst of emotion. If Sylvain wasn’t the one who needed comforting, he would find Felix’s complete lack of emotional competency endearing. Okay, he still found it endearing.

“Because I just failed my cavalier exam and now I’m probably going to drop out of school or get expelled or something.” Sylvain wasn’t even exaggerating; he was actually concerned that he would be expelled. He didn’t know what happened to people who failed tests, but he was sure it wasn’t anything good.

“Are you fucking kidding me? One failed test and now you’re talking about _dropping out_? Are you even listening to yourself talk right now?”

“Well _I_ don’t know what happens when you fail a test! It’s never happened to me before!” Sylvain was genuinely scared, and it must have shown in his voice because Felix softened his glare.

“They don’t expel you for one failed test Sylvain, trust me,” Felix reassured him, “Especially not you. You’re going to retake it in a few weeks and because you’re the annoying genius that you are you’ll ace it the second time and everything will be back to normal. People have off days.”

“I’ve never had an off day like this, though,” Sylvain sobbed, “What if I’ve finally found something that’s too difficult for me?” He could feel the fragile identity he had created for himself threatening to collapse around him like a house of cards. Who was he if he didn’t have his intelligence?

“Sylvain, listen up because I’m only going to say this once,” Felix began, waiting until Sylvain calmed his breathing and looked him in the eyes, “This isn't too difficult for you. You’re the smartest person I’ve ever met. Maybe you’re going to have to start studying like the rest of us, but you’re going to get it figured out. You always do when it’s something you want.”

“Felix…” Sylvain whispered, sitting up and pulling his friend into a very one-sided hug, “That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

Sylvain could feel himself relax a little bit at the comforting words. It was reassuring to know that the most critical person in his life thought so highly of his ability to get over this hardship. Sylvain could pretend he didn’t care what others thought of him all he wanted, but Felix’s opinion most certainly mattered.

“Don’t get used to it. And get off of me,” Felix scoffed, prying Sylvain’s arms from where they were wrapped around his waist.

Sylvain pouted at him as he removed his arms. He decided to push his luck and rested his head on Felix’s shoulder. The raven haired boy made an annoyed noise but made no move to push Sylvain off.

They stayed like that for a long time as Sylvain slowly stopped his tears and caught his breath. If Felix noticed how long it took Sylvain to calm down, he didn’t comment on it.

“Felix?” Sylvain tentatively broke the silence. Despite Felix’s comforting words and presence, he still needed more reassurance.

“Hm?”

“Do you really think I’m smart?” Sylvain asked hopefully. He really did need to hear Felix tell him he was smart again. The reassurance went a long way.

Felix sighed, “I think you’re fishing for compliments.”

“Felix, please, I need to hear it,” Sylvain pleaded. There was just something about Felix’s solid confidence that really helped calm him.

“Sylvain, you are one of the most intelligent people I know,” Felix mumbled softly, “You learn things quickly and you go out of your way to learn things you aren’t even required to learn. When you study for classes, you find connections between subjects that aren’t even related and it’s really fucking annoying. When you find a difficult concept, you practice it until you get it. Don’t think I didn’t see you trying out that spell in the training grounds the other day, you’re not nearly as stealthy as you think you are. You’re going to be okay because now that you’ve failed you’re going to sit down and figure it out. You always have.”

“Thank you, I needed that,” Sylvain admitted. Felix shrugged slightly, but Sylvain could see the faint blush appearing on his cheeks. It was really difficult for him to be emotionally vulnerable, and Sylvain appreciated Felix’s effort.

“And for what it’s worth, you’re not a failure or a burden or whatever other self-deprecating thing you’re calling yourself right now,” Felix said after a slight pause.

Sylvain wasn’t sure how, but Felix had known exactly what Sylvain needed to hear in that moment. Despite his caustic exterior, Felix was more sensitive and observant than he let on. The fact that Felix was able to see past Sylvain’s high test grades and understand the deeper personality traits that caused his success spoke to that fact. Sylvain had never thought of himself as a particularly concept-focused or hardworking person, but as he heard Felix explain it to him he realized it was true. Perhaps he was more than just sheer intelligence; maybe there were deeper reasons for his success.

Comforted by this realization, Sylvain leaned into Felix’s shoulder and focused on breathing in time with Felix’s breath. If Felix thought he was going to be okay, maybe Sylvain could let himself believe that too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smart Sylvain rights.
> 
> So this chapter isn't entirely necessary to the plot, but I really wanted to show how they've started turning to each other for emotional support and demonstrate how they've progressed as friends. I also wanted to show some of Sylvain's self-doubt because I think it sets the stage for his (eventual) sexuality crisis and explains why he acts the way he does. And writing vulnerable Felix is always fun.
> 
> As always thank you for all the support!!


	10. Chores!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm taking a lot of liberties when it comes to how things get done at Garreg Mach/how group tasks really work but it's going to result in plot development so it is what it is.
> 
> For those of you trying to figure out the timeline of this fic, "Angst Rollercoaster" and "Platonic Study Date" happen about a month into school, "Felix Gets a Confession" and "Annie Gets Involved" are about two months in, "Facing Failure" is about two and a half months in, and this chapter is a little over three months into the school year.

“Felix! There you are, we’ve been looking for you all day,” Sylvain ran up to Felix, smiling widely, “Ingrid was worried you were going to miss dinner so she sent me to find you. Man, you sure are tough to find!” Sylvain chuckled and looped his arm around Felix’s shoulders, pulling their bodies close together.

“I’m literally where I always am. Did you seriously check places other than the training grounds first?” Felix stuttered. While he was getting used to being close friends with his crush, he was definitely not used to the physical contact Sylvain was fond of showering on him. Even now Felix was blushing at the arm wrapped around his shoulders and willing the warmth beneath his stomach away. He couldn't stop thinking of how Sylvain often walked this way with his many girls, allowing them to rest their heads on his chest and whispering words that Felix would only hear in his dirtiest fantasies in their ears. He knew that Sylvain was just as physical with all his friends, but it still flustered him every time the other man got into his personal space.

Sylvain used his free arm to make a dismissive motion before looking Felix in the eyes and saying, “That’s not important. What’s important is it’s dinner time and I need a date. Would you care to accompany me?”

Winking at Felix, Sylvain tightened his grip on Felix’s shoulders, forcing Felix to stumble closer and wrap his arm around Sylvain’s waist. Okay, maybe Felix could have avoided wrapping his arm around Sylvain if he really wanted to, but Sylvain was a welcome source of warmth in the cool fall air. Felix told himself Sylvain was just looking for the most effective way to warm them both up. His heart, which had been frantically beating since he first saw Sylvain enter the training arena, had another theory, but Felix wasn’t willing to entertain any wishful thoughts.

Paying Sylvain’s flirtatious comment no mind (Sylvain flirted with everyone after all, it was only a matter of time before Felix became one of his victims) Felix rolled his eyes and responded, “Fine, I’ll go to dinner with you, but only because my substantially hotter dinner date had to cancel our dinner plans. I’m sure you can relate.”

“Ouch, Felix. That one hit a little too close to home,” Sylvain smiled at Felix as they began walking out of the training grounds and in the direction of the dining hall, “If I didn’t know better, I would think you secretly hate me or something.”

“Hm… And how do you know I don’t hate you?” Felix joked back. 

“Well, you’ve recently stopped trying to stab me on sight, so that’s a pretty good sign,” Sylvain replied smoothly.

Felix could feel himself starting to smile as Sylvain easily joked with him. He loved these small moments where he could let his guard down and talk to Sylvain like when they were kids. Judging by the way Sylvan’s smile widened and he began to laugh, these moments were special to Sylvain as well. 

It wasn’t very often anyone got to hear Sylvain’s true laugh. He had a laugh that sounded natural enough for when he was flirting, but his true laugh was louder and more unrestrained. The sound of his laugh made Felix smile even wider as a warm fuzzy feeling (happiness, he decided) spread throughout his body. He was stupidly in love and at this point he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to recover.

They separated as they rounded the corner and entered the dining hall. Felix had never liked being overly affectionate with anyone in public, and his heart skipped a beat as he realized Sylvain must have remembered this from their childhood. With some effort (Sylvain was still standing right next to him and sending sparks through his body, after all) Felix rearranged his face into his signature scowl as they walked over and sat down next to Ingrid. 

“Oh thank the goddess Sylvain was able to find you,” Ingrid said as they sat down, “I was worried you were going to starve yourself in favor of an extra hour of training.”

Annette put her fork down and said, “Great! While you were gone we took it upon ourselves to assign this week’s chores, so you two have to do the shopping this week!” She winked at Felix as Sylvain turned to glare at everyone else at the table. _So that was her grand plan,_ Felix realized _._

“What? That’s so unfair! I got put on shopping duty because Felix was late to dinner?” Sylvain pouted. Shopping was the Blue Lion’s least favorite chore because the professor was famously stingy and never gave them enough money for everything on the list. People who went shopping often spent the entire day at the marketplace and came back without everything on their list, or with low quality items that broke too easily. Even Sylvain, the Blue Lion’s resident smooth talker, despised these shopping trips because it was very hard to get laid while simultaneously demanding the merchants sell their wares at half price.

“You were the one who volunteered to get Felix,” Mercedes responded, “If you hadn’t left I’m sure the assignments would be different.”

“And you’re the most charismatic person here, so you actually have a shot at getting everything on the list,” Annette added with a smile.

_Sylvain went out of his way to make sure I came to dinner?_ Felix wondered, feeling strangely happy despite the severity of the chores situation. For Felix, this assignment meant he would miss an entire day of valuable training time which he would not stand for. Even though Annette meant well, he would much rather do any other chore with Sylvain.

He shook his head and said, “Well excuse me for actually training unlike half of the people in this class,” here he paused to glare at Sylvain, Ashe, and Mercedes, “If anything, you guys should be doing the shopping because you’re not doing anything worthwhile with your free time as it is.”

“Hey!” Ingrid piped up, looking upset on behalf of her friends, “Don’t you dare say that! Just because the rest of us don’t train until we’re on the verge of death doesn’t mean we’re not doing meaningful work here. Honestly, Felix, you really should be actually making an effort to be nice to the people who are constantly doing your chores!”

Felix was about to respond, but Sylvain put his hand on Felix’s arm (which did not cause Felix to blush) and intervened, “Woah, okay let’s all settle down. Ingrid, you can’t complain about how little Felix helps out when you literally never ask him to do more than the bare minimum. You’ve noticed he wasn’t assigned a monthly chore and just let it slide on multiple occasions. And Felix could you maybe not be so rude? You are aware there are things in life besides training, right?”

_Has my training really been detrimental to my class?_ Felix worried. He immediately felt guilty for not pulling his weight, so he sighed and made his best attempt to apologize, “Sorry, Ingrid. I’ll do the shopping this week. And whatever else you need me to do.”

Ingrid looked unimpressed, but she knew Felix well enough at this point to know that was as good of an apology as she was going to get. She shook her head and said, “Okay then, it’s settled. Felix and Sylvain are going shopping this week.”

“Ooh, let’s have him help us out with the monthly chores, too,” Annette suggested. The monthly chores list was a list of projects that each house was supposed to complete by the end of the month. This month, the Blue Lions were lucky enough to have less chores than members, so when Felix didn’t show up to the Blue Lion’s monthly chore planning dinner no one noticed he didn’t receive an assignment until Ingrid mentioned it offhandedly about a week in.

Immediately, everyone raised their hands and started explaining to Ingrid--who was in charge of chores assignments--why they needed an extra set of hands. Dedue claimed he needed Felix to help him plant a new flower bed in the greenhouse, Mercedes wanted help reorganizing the infirmary, Ashe and Dimitri needed aid going through the school’s weapon stock and repairing broken weapons, Annette needed help reorganizing their classroom, and Sylvain argued that Felix would do his best work helping him organize the library. They were so loud that the other classes were turning to look at them, so Ingrid quieted them down by shushing them and covering Sylvain’s mouth with her hand.

“Let’s not get out of hand,” Ingrid scolded them. “Here, Felix, think of a number between one and one hundred and tell it to me. Then everyone but me will try to guess the number, and the person whose closest will get you as their partner this month.”

Everyone nodded in agreement, so Felix shrugged and whispered his number in Ingrid’s ear.

“Five,” Dedue deadpanned.

“Really? I don’t think Felix would choose a number so low,” Dimitri said, and Felix flipped him off for making stupid assumptions about what number he would or would not choose. Undeterred, Dimitri continued, “I’m guessing fifty six.”

“Twenty three,” Ashe said after a pause.

“Um… how about eighty five?” Annette guessed.

“I guess I’ll say eighteen,” Mercedes shrugged.

“And I’m going to say sixty nine, obviously,” Sylvain winked at Felix as the rest of the table groaned.

“The number was seventy, so I guess Sylvain wins,” Felix said, trying his best to keep the scowl on his face. When Ingrid nodded in confirmation, the rest of the table groaned and glared at Felix dramatically before getting back to their food. He did secretly hope that Sylvain would guess sixty nine when he chose seventy. It was nice to know he knew his friend as well as he thought he did, even if it meant Sylvain was as immature as ever.

“Hell yeah, this library’s going to be so well organized by the end of the month!” Sylvain cheered. Felix couldn’t help smiling to himself knowing he was going to have no one but two opportunities this month to spend alone time with Sylvain.

\---

Half an hour into the shopping trip and Felix was already regretting trusting Annette's plan and doing the worst chore. Shopping was terrible already--the market was crowded with loud people and young couples competing over who can have the most aggressive PDA--and to make matters worse Felix and Sylvain had barely talked at all. He tried to make sure Sylvain knew how displeased he was with the current state of affairs by fixing him with a death glare, but Sylvain was busy chatting with the shopkeeper and wasn’t looking in Felix’s direction.

_She’s cute,_ Felix realized, and his heart plummeted. She was shorter than Felix and thin--the kind of thin that comes with dieting not exercise. She had light brown hair and freckles and dimples when she smiled, which was often. And, most importantly, she looked nothing like Felix. Felix felt like he was being stabbed, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the scene unfolding.

Sylvain was laughing at something the girl said (not his genuine laugh, Felix noted, giving him a half hearted sense of victory) and reaching over to touch her shoulder. Felix could tell that the shopkeeper was charmed by Sylvain from her body language: she was staring deep into Sylvain’s eyes, moving her hand to hold Sylvain’s, leaning in…

_Oh Goddess they’re kissing,_ Felix realized. So many emotions swirled up in him at once. 

First and foremost, Felix was _jealous_. _Oh what I would give to be that shopkeeper right now,_ Felix pouted as Sylvain stepped closer to the girl, tilted his head, and opened his mouth. _Great, now they’re just completely making out in the middle of this store,_ Felix realized, and if he wasn’t witnessing all of his hopes and dreams being crushed in front of him, he would have rolled his eyes in exasperation.

Second, Felix was pissed. Felix had known Sylvain for years (years!) and yet this stupid shopkeeper that Sylvain had known for maybe ten minutes was the one kissing him? It wasn’t fair. No one else knew Sylvain like he did, no one knew his secret romantic tendencies and desires to find the love of his life and raise a family. 

The past three months Sylvain and Felix had become much closer, and Felix often found himself dividing his free time equally between Sylvain and training. Felix knew Sylvain’s body language like the back of his hand. He knew when Sylvain was lying to him, or when he was upset but trying to hide it, or when he was truly happy. What did this shopkeeper have on Felix? Had she sat next to Sylvain when he failed his certification exam and convinced himself his life was over? No, and yet she was the one getting kissed, here, in broad daylight.

Third, Felix felt wholly rejected. Not because he was kissing someone else (Felix had witnessed that numerous times and while it was hard to watch he could deal with it), but because he was abandoning Felix to do it. Despite being the biggest playboy in Fodlan, Sylvain was fairly considerate of personal boundaries and rarely gave his conquests more than a peck on the cheek in public. So to be openly making out with someone in the market wasn’t a careless lapse of Sylvain’s self-control; he was deliberately choosing to shove his tongue down some random girl’s throat over spending time in Felix’s company. That was what hurt, what felt like a knife in Felix’s side as he watched Sylvain and the shopkeeper continue to make out.

Finally, the pain was just too much for Felix to bear, so he picked up the supplies they needed to purchase and marched over to the couple.

“Hey, Sylvain? Can you stop thinking with your dick for a minute so I can buy these supplies?” Felix fixated Sylvain with his signature death glare as the two separated, Sylvain laughing awkwardly.

“Oh, sorry Felix,” Sylvain apologized. Something akin to panic crossed his eyes briefly before he regained his composure and winked at the girl, “It’s just hard with this beauty right here. I just had to talk to her!”

“Yeah, I don’t particularly care about what you get up to in your free time, but can you _please_ at least try to focus. I have shit I could be doing instead of watching you make out with some random girl,” Felix motioned absently at the shopkeeper, who looked both terrified and confused, “Are you seriously going to leave me to do all the shopping so you can get laid?”

Sylvain’s eyes widened in fear as he took a step back, “Woah, okay Felix. I promise that wasn’t my intention at all! I would never leave you to do all the work on your own. Here, let’s just buy these things and then go over to the blacksmith, okay?”

“Fine,” Felix scowled, crossing his arms over his chest as Sylvain completed the transaction. The shopkeeper did end up giving them a generous discount, Felix noted.

After they exited the shop, Sylvain turned to look at Felix, “Hey, you know I really am sorry, right? I’m not just saying that because you always have a sword with you so I’m afraid for my life.”

“Sorry for what?” Felix scowled, “Because I can think of like five things that you did wrong so I’m interested to see what you think your wrong move was.”

“I’m sorry for leaving you in the first place,” Sylvain said slowly, obviously choosing his words carefully, “We’re supposed to be partners, you know? We should be suffering through the shopping together, but instead I decided to ‘think with my dick’ as you put it and I ended up forcing you to do all the work.”

_Partners_. Oh how Felix desperately wished that were true. If only it could be him and Sylvain, partnered up against the world. 

Despite his best efforts, Felix couldn’t stay mad at Sylvain, especially now that he was looking at him like a wounded puppy, so he just sighed and said, “Okay, I accept your apology or whatever. Just don’t pull that crap again, or I will use my sword.”

“Noted. But you know Felix, if you’re jealous you should just tell me,” Sylvain said with his signature fake smile and wink.

Felix stopped in his tracks and the color drained from his face, “What the fuck, Sylvain? What part of that whole interaction made you think I was _jealous_? Do you seriously just think of me as another one of your adoring fans, just waiting for you to sweep them up for the night?” Okay, maybe he was overdoing his outrage a bit, but Felix couldn’t let Sylvain know he was right.

“Damn, Felix, I was just kidding,” Sylvain said, looking concerned, “I didn’t mean it like that, I promise. You’re so much more to me than a one night stand, you know that right? You’re my best friend for Seiros’ sake.”

Felix felt both ecstatic at Sylvain admitting he cared for Felix and miserable that Sylvain definitely thought of them as just friends, so he settled for saying, “Yeah, I know. Let’s just forget this whole thing ever happened and just get back to shopping.”

Sylvain smiled and nodded, grabbing Felix’s hand and starting to walk to the blacksmith. Alarm bells went off inside of Felix. He was hyper aware of how large and warm Sylvain’s hand was against his. His palm was mostly smooth with a few calluses near the junction of his palm and fingers. Felix could tell that Sylvain used lotion because his skin was soft. He felt himself start to blush as he noticed how nicely their fingers fit together and how much it felt like his hand belonged in Sylvain’s. He tried desperately not to look Sylvain in the eye as he felt a blush creep over his cheeks.

Sylvain must have noticed Felix’s odd reaction and deciphered it as discomfort, because he smiled and said, “That’s so you can keep me from wandering off and flirting with more people. I can stop if you want.”

Felix could hear Annette’s voice coaching him from the back of his mind: “Felix, I swear to Seiros if Sylvain’s hand is just by his side doing nothing all you have to do is _grab it_. The goal of the day is to hold hands. No one is expecting anything smooth from you, least of all Sylvain. He’ll just be excited that you tried.” Well, this was one way of getting Sylvain to hold his hand. Annette would be proud.

“No!” Felix said a little too quickly, “I mean… I suppose it’s fine. But only because you would probably flirt with someone’s wife and get both of us banned from the marketplace if I didn’t keep an eye on you.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right, Fe,” Sylvain smiled warmly and laughed lightly, “Good thing I have you here to keep me from getting into trouble.”

The nickname made Felix’s stomach do summersaults, so he gave Sylvain a hesitant smile back, “How did you ever survive without me?”

Sylvain squeezed Felix’s hand before responding, open and sincere, “I honestly don’t know, Fe. I was so lost without you.”

\---

The rest of the day was relatively uneventful. As promised, Sylvain held tight to Felix’s hand and didn’t flirt with any more shopkeepers, random villagers, or exes. Felix, for his part, remained relatively silent and focused on maintaining his composure when his entire body felt like it was on fire. It was a good fire, but Felix was burning all the same.

Sylvain was extremely proficient at negotiating when he wasn’t trying to get in everyone’s pants so they actually finished shopping early. Felix had wanted to go back to the Monastery and get some much needed training in, but Sylvain had convinced Felix to grab some food with him at the local cafe before returning.

So here they sat, across from each other at a table that was too small. Sylvain was all smiles as he chatted aimlessly about Hilda forcing him to return her horde of overdue books to the library. Felix wasn’t really listening because every time Sylvain adjusted himself under the table, their knees would brush against each other. _Keep yourself together, Fraldarius,_ Felix scolded himself as Sylvain’s legs brushed against Felix’s and stayed there, sending electricity up his spine and warmth down it.

As if sensing Felix’s excitement, Sylvain smirked at him and said, “But enough about me. What’s up with you Felix?”

Felix rolled his eyes to conceal the shiver that receiving Sylvain’s full attention sent through him. He had hoped that would be enough and he wouldn’t have to talk about himself, but Sylvain was still staring at him intently with his deep, brown eyes.

_Damn those eyes,_ Felix cursed before finally responding, “The usual. Training, studying, staying out of trouble unlike a certain redhead I know.”

“Felix, I’m hurt!” Sylvain laughed easily, “I’ll have you know I actually spent time at the training grounds this week.”

“Watching me train doesn't count as training,” Felix reminded him.

“Are you sure? Because I was definitely getting something out of it,” Sylvain wiggled his eyebrows and smiled suggestively. It was obviously a joke, but Felix was flustered anyways.

“Yeah, because you’re a creep,” Felix did his best to look at Sylvain as if he was completely unbothered, “Spar with me before we start organizing the library tomorrow. Then we’ll see if you actually got anything out of watching me.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Sylvain nodded. After that they settled into a comfortable silence. Felix was reminded of when they were kids and they would sit next to each other in silence, just enjoying the other’s presence. It was nice then and it was nice now. Felix felt calm and at ease as he watched Sylvain finish off his food and look out to the village square.

Felix followed his gaze to a group of kids who were playing with sticks as if they were swords. _Just like we would do when we were kids,_ Felix remembered, feeling a pang of nostalgia he wasn’t used to. Sylvain was obviously feeling nostalgic too, because he stood up and walked over to the kids.

Felix couldn’t hear what Sylvain was saying to them, but soon all the kids were turning to Sylvain and wildly swinging sticks at him. Sylvain easily dodged out of the way at first, but the sheer amount of kids swinging at him soon became hard for Sylvain to track and he started taking a few blows. Felix chuckled to himself as Sylvain tried to grab the kids, dramatically lunging out and sending delighted screams through the tiny crowd. Sylvain was putting up a good fight, but he was eventually beaten to the ground by the mob, making dramatic noises as he fell.

_Sylvain will be an excellent father one day,_ Felix realized as Sylvain got to his feet and began high-fiving the children who had just bested him. Felix pictured Sylvain later on in life, playing with his own children in his castle’s courtyard as Felix watched on. Felix would never admit it but he'd always had a soft spot for kids. He couldn’t help but feel warm at the thought, even though he knew it would never happen.

Which is why, when Sylvain smiled at Felix from his position in the mob of children, Felix couldn’t help but smile back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're all ready, the next three chapters all happen within 24 hours of this one. It's going to be a wild ride.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for all the support!!


	11. Gay Panic!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally time for some much anticipated character development! This chapter is split into two parts and they're both a little intense (for different reasons):
> 
> Part 1- In case you hadn't noticed, I updated the tags ;) This chapter is explicit, so if you want to skip that stuff just skip to the break.
> 
> Part 2- There are some discussions of internalized homophobia and implied homophobia. I'm never going to make my characters explicitly interact with homophobic characters. However, I'm basing the political climate around my personal experience growing up, where LGBT+ people have to worry about the possibility of encountering homophobes/transphobes, so the existence of homophobia is a valid concern for these characters.
> 
> Oh also the second part of this chapter goes from third person limited to third person omnicient, whoops.

_Oh._

Oh fuck.

He was so screwed.

He definitely should not be thinking the things he was thinking right now.

After returning from the marketplace and bidding Felix goodnight, Sylvain returned to his own room. Once inside, he collapsed on his bed and stared at his ceiling.

He couldn’t get that image of Felix glaring at him out of his head. He was so _hot_ when he was competing for his attention it was unfair. Sylvain could practically see Felix snapping one day and pulling Sylvain into a bruising kiss, desperate and needy, in front of everyone to show them who Sylvain really belonged to. Maybe he would go so far as to leave hickeys on his neck, marking Sylvain as his.

Sylvain could feel himself getting hard as he thought about making out with Felix. He pictured wrapping his arms around Felix’s waist and pulling their bodies flush against each other as their tongues fought for dominance. Sylvain began to desperately pull down his pants as he thought of unbuttoning Felix’s shirt and pressing kisses and bites all along that perfect collarbone, leaving bruises as he went. Felix would have his hands in Sylvain’s hair, pulling gently every time Sylvain made a new mark. He pictured the noises Felix would make; small and restrained at the beginning but getting louder as they continued.

He let his mind wander from the marketplace to the first time he had seen Felix in casual attire. Ever since that stupid project, he couldn’t get that image of Felix standing in his doorway out of his head. He was wearing a loose white button up with the top buttons left open to reveal his collarbones. His shirt was tucked into a pair of tight black pants, and his hair was falling out of his sloppy bun, framing his face beautifully. The moment Sylvain saw Felix open the door he had begun thinking about doing things that nobody should think about doing to their best friend.

As soon as his pants and underwear were out of the way, Sylvain began to touch himself. He hissed slightly as he wrapped his hand around his length. As he moved his hand steadily up and down, he pictured it was Felix, pinned up against the wall and touching him, looking up at him with those gorgeous amber eyes and lips pink from being kissed. Sylvain would be returning the favor, of course, and the thought of his hand wrapped around Felix’s dick forced a low moan out of Sylvain. 

And then the Felix in his fantasy was assertively maneuvering them so Sylvain was the one up against the wall before sinking down to his knees.

Sylvain let out a strangled noise as he imagined undoing Felix’s hair and running his fingers through it as Felix began to lick his cock. He would pull Felix’s hair as the other boy sunk down, enveloping Sylvain in warm heat and moaning around him. Sylvain was now frantically moving his hand faster; the idea of Felix’s perfect swollen lips wrapped around his cock and his warm amber eyes looking up at him coyly was almost too much for him to bear. 

Then his fantasy switched and he pictured Felix underneath him, shirt haphazardly unbuttoned and leaving nothing to the imagination, whining as Sylvain fingered him. Sylvain would go slow, savoring the small noises he elicited from Felix, but Felix would demand Sylvain fuck him. 

Sylvain let out an undignified moan as he imagined what it would feel like to be inside Felix. The other boy would be so tight and warm, and he would beg for Sylvain to start moving with wide eyes blown out in pleasure. Sylvain could feel himself getting close as he fucked into his hand, imagining it was Felix instead. He was frantic; precum was dripping down his hand and onto his sheets as he bucked his hips with a faltering rhythm. He was panting and moaning Felix’s name as he thought of Felix looking Sylvain in the eye and demanding he fuck him harder with that bossy tone he was so fond of using. The image was enough to push him over the edge, and he came all over his hand.

 _Where did that come from?_ Sylvain wondered. It’s not like he'd never noticed how attractive his best friend was, but it’s not like he’d ever jerked off while thinking about him either. And to make matters worse, he'd obviously been suppressing some of those images for a long time. Had he seriously been thirsting for Felix since that project without realizing it?

So Sylvain Jose Gautier sat there, on his bed with his pants shoved down below his knees and his hand covered in cum and realized with a jolt of fear that despite what he had previously believed, he was _not_ 100% straight.

\---

Instead of just cleaning up and going to sleep like a normal person would, Sylvain was frantically knocking on Claude’s door. To say Sylvain was panicking was an understatement. Everything Sylvain knew about himself--his sexuality, his goals for his future, and his feelings for Felix--was crumbling around him. Claude was the only person Sylvain felt he could turn to because he was the only bisexual guy at the monastery (that he knew of).

“Sylvain! What can I do for you?” Claude asked in a cheery tone as he opened the door, despite the confusion painted all over his face. While Sylvain and Claude got along well enough, they were in different classes so they didn’t talk much. Sylvain would classify them more as friendly acquaintances rather than close friends.

Sylvain tried to put on a smile, but he was pretty sure it was clear something was wrong. “Hey Claude, sorry to bug you but I’m kinda having a crisis, and I think you’re really the only person qualified to help me out, if you know what I mean.”

Claude nodded in understanding and motioned for Sylvain to come in. Claude’s room looked like a disaster scene. There were books everywhere, most of them opened to seemingly random pages, some of them with papers tucked into them and notes written in the margins and others dog-eared and wrinkled. His chair had a stack of clothes on it (from the looks of it, clean laundry that Claude hadn’t gotten around to folding yet), and his bed was covered by two giant maps. 

Noticing Sylvain’s hesitation to make himself comfortable, Claude moved the clothes from the chair to the floor and began folding the maps before turning to Sylvain and smiling weakly, “Sorry my room’s a total mess. I’m always working on at least three projects at once and I never bother to clean up my stuff when I change from one to another.”

He motioned for Sylvain to sit in the chair before taking a seat on his bed. Sylvain awkwardly took a seat, not sure how to begin. Claude, seeming to sense this, decided to speak first, “So the fact that you came to me and not one of the Blue Lions leads me to believe you’re questioning your sexuality and I’m the only queer guy you know well enough to talk to about it. Am I right?”

Sylvain hesitated. He had made it all the way here, but he was just now realizing he didn’t actually know Claude that well. Could he trust him with his secret, or would all of the Golden Deer know Sylvain had a thing for Felix by dinner tomorrow?

“Don’t worry, I would never tell anyone without your permission,” Claude reassured Sylvain after he hesitated for a little too long, “Coming out is a super big deal and I would never force someone out of the closet.”

Reassured, Sylvain began to speak, “Okay. So my entire life I’ve thought I was straight. I mean, I didn’t really have any reason to believe otherwise because my dad was always telling me that I was going to marry a woman and I _do_ like girls so I never really thought twice about it, you know?” 

Claude nodded in encouragement, so Sylvain continued, “But I’ve also always been super close with Felix and I used to think I liked being around him because he was my friend, and of course you’re supposed to enjoy spending time with your friends, but now I’m not so sure. Like, whenever he smiles at me I start feeling warm and happy? And I just _always_ want to spend time with him, even if that means I have to do extra training. To the point where the idea of him dating someone and spending time with them instead of me makes me so upset. Also he’s super hot, _especially_ when he’s jealous, and I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to think about your best friend like that. But maybe that is what friendship is and I’ve just never been close enough with someone to recognize it.”

Claude smiled and chuckled before responding, “Well, I can’t tell you what your sexuality is. But from what you’ve told me, it sounds like you’re definitely not straight but you’ve been in denial your entire life, and now that you’ve realized you might be into dudes too you’re freaking out because you’ve led your entire life convincing yourself you’re straight. And for what it’s worth, describing someone as hot when they’re jealous isn’t a friendship thing, that’s a sexual thing.”

“I was hoping you wouldn’t say that, but you’re right,” Sylvain groaned and shook his head, “It’s like everything I know about myself is a lie. I’ve never even considered ending up with a guy until a few hours ago,” he laughed awkwardly, “I always thought I was going to get married to a woman and have kids. That’s what everyone always told me! Honestly, I didn’t even know being into the same gender was an option until I met Mercedes a few years ago.”

Claude nodded, “Yeah, I remember the first time I saw a gay couple back in Almayra. It really shattered my world, if I’m being honest.”

“Yeah I bet,” Sylvain agreed, “But you still realized much earlier than I did. I’m 20 and I’m just now questioning. Surely I would have noticed by now if I was actually into guys?”

“Not necessarily,” Claude shrugged, “Lots of people discover they’re gay later in life. Especially someone who was raised the way you were. Your parents really want you to have children so of course they would want you to get married to a woman. They probably made sure to shelter you so you never thought about being gay. I hear that’s pretty common when it comes to nobility.”

“Yeah, manipulating their child to ensure he turns out the way they want him to sounds like something my parents would do,” Sylvain said bitterly, “I was a pretty sheltered kid.”

Sylvain paused, trying to figure out how to articulate what to say next. Claude seemed to sense Sylvain wasn’t done talking and waited quietly for him to talk again. Unbeknownst to Sylvain, Claude was the go-to person when anyone in Garreg Mach was questioning their sexuality. He’d had students from all three houses come to him with varying levels of crisis, so he had a lot of experience in this area.

Finally, Sylvain spoke, “I just wish I wasn’t bisexual, you know? I’m honestly so scared right now. What if I come out and people look at me as less for it? I already have a reputation as a womanizer, what if this just makes it worse? What if my parents aren’t okay with me being attracted to men?”

Claude looked at him sympathetically, “Sylvain, I have no idea how your parents or society at large will react. I’m not going to lie to you, it probably won’t be great. But, it probably won’t be as bad as you’re anticipating. You’d be surprised how accepting parents can be for their children. And I can tell you that the people at Garreg Mach are really accepting. No one here will think less of you because of your identity. We all have your back. We’ll be your family if you don’t have one to go back to.”

Sylvain took a deep breath and nodded. While he already knew the Blue Lions would support him regardless of sexuality, it was a relief to know he had the support of his friends and classmates from other houses too. And logically, he knew that the only reason his parents would be upset was because he couldn’t have blood descendants with a man. But it wasn’t like Sylvain was really planning on emulating his parent’s obsession with bloodlines and crests, so he was going to have to fight them about that anyway. Maybe he would be okay.

“Man, this fucking sucks,” Sylvain said after a few moments, “Because even though I know my parents fed me that whole perfect family bullshit, I still want that! And now I might have to choose between the person I love and the life I want.”

“You know, you can still have all that with a man,” Claude pointed out, “Gay couples have been getting married in Fodlan for generations. Honestly, you could probably get Rhea or Seteth to officiate your wedding if that’s what you want.” Sylvain laughed at the image of Seteth officiating his wedding. The man knew as well as anyone else in the monastery that Sylvain gets around and would probably be a humorous mix of proud of Sylvain for finally settling down and judgmental of his future spouse for settling for a womanizer like him. Sylvain would actually love to see that.

“You can also adopt kids. Sure, they won’t be part of your bloodline, but I get the feeling you don’t care about that too much,” Claude continued.

Sylvain shook his head, “I don’t care if my children have a crest, I just want them to be happy.”

“Wow, attractive, wealthy, _and_ cares about his kids. You’re the whole package. Felix sure is a lucky guy,” Claude winked.

Sylvain buried his face in his hands and sighed, “Don’t remind me! Felix is definitely straight. He spends a lot of time with Annette, so they’re probably going to date soon if they haven’t gotten together already. Honestly, I doubt Felix would even tell me if he was dating someone. He hates talking about that stuff with me.”

“Hey, Sylvain? Have you ever heard of platonic friends? Because that could definitely be what’s happening,” Claude suggested. He knew for a fact that Annette was in a happy relationship with Mercedes, but he had sworn to keep it a secret. No matter how much better it would make Sylvain feel, he couldn’t tell him. 

“No way. Felix definitely likes her. He’s totally nice to her and even does what she asks without complaint. The other day, I sat next to them as they had an entire conversation about music. Felix hates music!” Sylvain argued.

“He’s probably just being nice and trying to make friends. Annette is very likable so it makes sense Felix would befriend her,” Claude shook his head. Sylvain really was a lost cause. It was actually pretty amusing to know that Sylvain didn’t notice how Felix dropped everything to spend time with Sylvain and how he lit up whenever the other boy walked into the room. Even Claude--who didn’t know Felix all that well--picked up on it, so it would be blindingly obvious to Sylvain if he would just pay attention. Of course, Claude wanted to watch Sylvain figure it out on his own so he wasn’t going to tell him.

Sylvain sighed, “Okay, but even if Felix and Annette are just friends, that doesn’t mean anything. Felix could definitely still be straight. I’ve been talking to him about dating girls for so long and he’s never corrected me.”

Claude cocked his eyebrow, “Oh, as opposed to you who went running to Felix the second you started questioning?”

“I guess you’re right,” Sylvain said, “Maybe he just isn’t ready to come out to me yet.” _Maybe that’s Felix’s big secret._

“Well, you won’t know until you ask.” Claude advised, laughing to himself when Sylvain gave him a look that very clearly said _I would rather die_. “Hey, don’t look at me like that! As someone who has experience navigating the world of gay dating I happen to know it’s a necessary step.”

“No way am I going up to Felix and saying, ‘Hey, I was just wondering if you’re gay?’ He’d probably kill me on the spot!” Sylvain complained.

“Okay, then don’t phrase it like that!” Claude exclaimed, exasperated, “Just drop a few hints you like guys in casual conversation and see what happens. If he responds well then you can ask him, and if he says something homophobic tell me and I’ll fight him for you.” Claude was certain Felix wasn’t a homophobe, but he could tell it was a very real concern for Sylvain. He never imagined Sylvain would be so afraid of rejection, but rejection from your best friend was much different than rejection from a random stranger.

Sylvain nodded, “I think I can manage that. But if he even blinks at a girl in a suggestive way, I’m out! I’d rather wallow in loneliness than get rejected by Felix. If I made an unwanted move on him that would be the end of our friendship for sure.”

Claude mentally admitted defeat. There was nothing he could do to convince Sylvain that Felix was in fact gay (or at least into men in some capacity) and very much interested in Sylvain, so he settled for saying, “Sounds like a plan! If you run into any issues, I’m always here for you. I gotta help my fellow bi guys out after all!”

“Thank you so much Claude. This helped me out more than I would care to admit,” Sylvain said, standing and walking towards the door.

“Seriously, it’s no problem at all. Questioning is the worst. I hope you get some closure,” Claude said, getting up and locking the door behind him as Sylvain left.

Back in his room, Sylvain stared up at his ceiling, brainstorming how to start a conversation about sexuality with Felix. He could go the heart-to-heart method, but Felix hated talking about relationships and emotions so he would probably shut that conversation down before it even began. He could just straight up ask, but he didn’t want to catch his friend off guard like that, especially if he was staying in the closet for some reason. He supposed he could always increase his flirtatious remarks and see how the other boy reacted, but that ran the risk of backfiring and making Felix mad at him.

None of his options were ideal, Sylvain decided as he glared up at his ceiling as if it was the one whose lack of self-reflection had ended him up in this mess. But he was going to have to do _something_ if he wanted his fairytale ending. He wasn’t about to let Felix get away without a fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so proud of this idiot for finally figuring it out! I originally wrote the second scene with Ingrid instead of Claude (because Ingrid is also a bisexual icon) but then I realized that the only thing keeping her from locking Felix and Sylvain in a room until they confessed to each other was her respect for Sylvain's sexuality, so if Sylvain came out to her she would ruin my slow burn. And while locking Sylvain and Felix in a room together would have been entertaining, I still want to force these idiots to pine some more.
> 
> Thank you all for the 100 kudos, the support means so much to me!!


	12. Sylvain Sucks at Sparring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate Title: The Inherent Eroticism of Sword Fighting.

Having a crush on Felix was both a blessing and a curse, Sylvain decided. On one hand, Sylvain was pretty sure Felix was so dense that Sylvain could literally admit to masturbating while thinking about him and Felix would treat it as a joke, leaving his cover in place. On the other hand, Felix was so dense that Sylvain could literally admit to masturbating while thinking about him and Felix would treat it as a joke, getting them nowhere. Sylvain had flirted with people playing hard to get before, but this was a whole new level. How could he possibly get across to Felix that he thought he was the most beautiful and attractive person in all of Garreg Mach when Felix rolled his eyes every time Sylvain said anything even remotely close to a compliment?

Sylvain was pondering this as he rounded the corner to the training grounds and was met with a rare sight.

Felix had evidently run into one of the monastery cats on his way to the training grounds and was now sitting on the ground, rubbing gently behind its ears with one hand and stroking its body with the other hand. Felix looked so calm and at peace, his usual scowl replaced by a look of mild concentration. It was really cute. Attractive even, Sylvain admitted to himself, feeling liberated by his ability to recognize his feelings for what they actually were. Sylvain couldn’t help the smile that was slowly spreading across his face, both from the sight in front of him and at his own personal growth.

The cat was purring so loud Sylvain could hear it from where he stood. It was pawing at Felix’s leg cutely as if trying to get his attention. Felix laughed--a real, beautiful, and genuine laugh--and pulled the cat into his lap where it had better access to Felix’s leg. He scratched the cat under the chin while continuing to rub circles on the cat’s body. He was smiling softly now, and the expression made Sylvain feel like he was melting. What did Sylvain have to do to make Felix look at him like that?

Finally, Sylvain decided that Felix probably wouldn’t appreciate him staring at him in his vulnerable, happy state so Sylvain cleared his throat. Felix jumped and the cat ran off at the sudden movement. Felix looked up and scowled at Sylvain.

“Great, you scared her off. Now she’s never going to let me touch her again,” Felix huffed, but Sylvain could have sworn Felix’s cheeks were slightly pinker than usual. Maybe it was just the cold. Maybe it was embarrassment. Maybe it was something else entirely.

Sylvain shrugged, “She looked like she was having a good time. I would be surprised if she held a grudge that easily.”

“For your sake I hope you’re right, Gautier,” Felix frowned as he stood up and brushed himself off.

Sylvain laughed, “Well if you’re really that angry at me, let’s spar, _Fraldarius_.”

Felix rolled his eyes but was smiling as he followed Sylvain through the door and began to select a training sword.

While Felix’s back was turned Sylvain allowed his eyes to linger on Felix’s frame: the lean muscles of his back, the slimness of his waist, the roundness of his ass. He quickly tore his eyes away and grabbed his lance. _Fuck, not now,_ he thought to himself as he felt his body began to heat up and his pants got a touch tighter. He could look at Felix’s body all day, but he was pretty sure even Felix would connect the dots if Sylvain had a hard on and was openly staring at his ass.

Once he was sure his body was under control, Sylvain turned around and did his best to put on a cocky smile. He wasn’t convinced he had complete control over his face while in Felix’s presence anymore, but when Felix glared at him he knew he had nailed the expression.

“You look awfully smug for someone who hasn’t trained in weeks,” Felix spat, beginning to circle Sylvain hungrily.

“And you look awfully smug for someone who begged me to carry his books back to the dorms on Friday,” Sylvain retorted, giving his lance a lazy swing.

“Funny, I remember you begging me to let you carry my books to ‘look strong for the ladies’,” Felix said, easily dodging Sylvain’s swing and advancing until Sylvain was definitely less than a sword’s length away from him.

As much as Sylvain was loath to admit it, Felix was probably right about him needing to train more. While he theoretically had the advantage over Felix due to his weapon’s larger range, the lancer simply couldn’t keep up with Felix’s rapid and elaborate footwork. One glance at Felix’s face and Sylvain knew Felix knew it too.

 _Shit, how is he so hot,_ Sylvain’s stupid, horny brain decided to think. Felix’s face was a combination of focus and confidence and it looked so great on him. He obviously had Sylvain right where he wanted him, and Sylvain couldn’t bring himself to be upset. Not when Felix was looking at him like a predator about to pounce on his prey. Sylvain had never considered himself to be anything but dominant in bed, but that all-consuming look was sending all of his blood straight to his dick and forcing him to seriously think about his preferences.

Unsurprisingly, Felix knocked Sylvain to the ground in record time. Usually their sparring sessions ended with one of them hitting the ground, but not today. Today, Felix planted one foot on either side of Sylvain’s body and placed the tip of his blade at Sylvain’s throat. Sylvain was desperately trying to avoid making eye contact with Felix because he knew whatever expression Felix was making was just going to make him harder, and he really didn’t need a visible erection at the moment.

“Look at me Sylvain,” Felix ordered before using his blade to tilt Sylvain’s face up. Now Sylvain could only avoid eye contact if he closed his eyes, which would probably be even more awkward to explain than a boner; especially because the tone of Felix’s voice and the pressure on his throat from Felix’s sword was giving him a hard on no matter what.

So Sylvain looked Felix in the eye and desperately hoped Felix would attribute his shortness of breath to the fighting and not to the fact that he was entirely at the swordsman’s mercy. Felix was standing directly over Sylvain, smirking and looking completely _ravenous_. His eyes were surveying Sylvain’s body leisurely, lingering on every bruise, scrape, and cut. There was something in Felix’s eyes that Sylvain couldn’t quite place. Was it pride? Whatever it was, it was doing it for Sylvain in the worst way.

For a moment, Felix let the silence fill the arena. Sylvain could feel the tension weighing down on him, mingling with the heat burning through his veins and threatening to suffocate him. Finally, Felix’s bright, amber eyes snapped back to meet Sylvain’s and he sighed, “You know, if I can do this much damage to you in one simple match, there’s no telling what would happen to you on the battlefield.”

Sylvain squirmed, trying to get some distance between the tip of the sword and his throat so he could talk (and of course there was the added bonus of some fleeting friction over his erection). Felix seemed to get the hint and sheathed his sword. However, he didn’t budge from his position over Sylvain and the intensity of his eyes kept Sylvain effectively pinned to the floor.

Sylvain tried to laugh, but it came out as more of a wheeze, “What can I say, Felix? I think I’m just weak for you.”

Sylvain winked and Felix looked confused. Sylvain’s out of place flirting dissolved the tension in the arena and Sylvain decided to take advantage of the shift in mood by grabbing one of Felix’s ankles and shoving it out from underneath him.

Felix, for his part, made his best attempt to regain his balance and not completely crush Sylvain on his way down, but there was only so much he could do when he was caught completely off guard. However, Sylvain was ready for the impact and the second Felix fell on his chest, he grabbed the other boy’s shoulders and flipped them. Now Felix was the one with his back pressed into the ground and Sylvain kneeling over him, holding him in place with hands on his shoulders and legs planted on either sides of his hips.

“Oh? Or maybe _you_ have a weakness for _me_?” Sylvain quipped. It was his turn to smirk now; while Sylvain was learning all kinds of fun things about himself this morning, he was relieved to know that the image of Felix pinned underneath him was still very arousing. He relished the way Felix was blushing and flustered as he looked up at him. Sylvain knew Felix, so he knew that he wasn’t uncomfortable or afraid. However, there were emotions Sylvain had never seen before plastered all over Felix’s face, and he couldn’t get a read on what the other boy was feeling. 

Their faces were surprisingly close now. Alarmingly close. If Sylvain just dipped his head downwards, he could kiss Felix. The boy beneath him seemed to notice this too--his breath was coming in short, quick pants despite the ample time he had had to catch his breath. His eyes were wide and glued to Sylvain’s, taking in every movement. Half of Sylvain’s mind was screaming at him to lean down, close the gap, and kiss Felix until they were both breathless, but the other half knew he couldn’t. He was sure his friend would reject his advances. Felix either straight or asexual, and Sylvain didn’t want to mess their friendship up with an unwanted kiss, no matter how soft and inviting his lips looked. 

After a tense silence, Felix swallowed and spoke, “I don’t have weaknesses. I train too hard for that.”

“Oh really? No weaknesses whatsoever?” Sylvain raised an eyebrow as he started to gently apply more pressure to Felix’s shoulders. “So you’re here by choice?”

“I’m here because you don’t follow the rules,” Felix responded as he moved his hands to grip at Sylvain’s wrists. He tried to push Sylvain’s hands off of his shoulders, but Sylvain’s greater strength and Felix’s poor positioning made it impossible. Sylvain figured if Felix actually used all his strength to sit up he would be able to knock Sylvain off, so there had to be something keeping Felix underneath him. It was almost as if he _was_ there by choice. Almost.

Sylvain laughed as Felix continued to press up on his wrists, “ ‘Cmon Fe, you know that isn’t going to work.”

“No, but this might,” Felix said before quickly moving his leg to knee Sylvain in the upper thigh. Shocked by the impact, Sylvain lost his balance and Felix was easily able to shove the older boy off of him and to the ground. Felix stood up and began brushing himself off as Sylvain remained on the ground, clutching his thigh and groaning dramatically.

“Goddess, you’re such a baby,” Felix smiled as he extended a hand to Sylvain, helping him up. Sylvain took it happily, savoring the fleeting contact between them as he stood up and dramatically favored his uninjured leg. Sylvain’s leg was actually feeling fine, but he liked the idea of messing with Felix and possibly forcing the younger boy to walk him to the infirmary, so he made sure to play up his limp as he left the ring.

“Ouch, Felix you hit me hard! I might have to go to the infirmary,” Sylvain said, trying to sound as in pain as possible.

“Okay, tell Manuela I said hello,” Felix responded nonchalantly as he started to clean his practice sword.

“Oh, you’re not going to help me get there? I have a _limp_ Felix, I can’t possibly get there on my own! It’ll have to go up _stairs_. Look at me! Do you think I can go up stairs in this condition?” Sylvain exclaimed, but he knew it was a lost cause. While Felix might have limited social awareness, he had enough control over his body to know exactly how hard he hit Sylvain. Not to mention he knew Sylvain like the back of his hand, so he definitely knew Sylvan was faking the limp.

Felix raised an eyebrow, “Really? That hit was enough to give you a limp? Guess you’re weaker than I thought.”

“Okay, well if you’re not going to help me get to the infirmary to get some much needed medical attention, could you at least be a gentleman enough to escort me back to my room so I can heal without your nagging?” Sylvain pleaded, making sure he kept all his weight on his “good” leg. He was certain Felix saw right through him, but he wanted to see if Felix would call him on his bluff.

“Fine. Let’s go,” Felix said before walking over to Sylvain and pulling his arm around his shoulders. Sylvain blushed at the sudden contact and at Felix’s forwardness. _What’s changed? Felix never initiates physical contact._

“Um, Felix? What are you doing?” Sylvain asked after a brief pause. While he liked the idea of walking around with his arm around Felix, Felix was pulling Sylvain down so his body weight was resting on the younger boy. If someone saw them in the halls, they would think Sylvain was the biggest wimp ever and Sylvain really didn’t want that hit to his reputation.

“You’re injured, aren’t you? You shouldn’t be putting weight on your injured leg if you want it to heal. Or did you forget your injury already?” Felix said. To the untrained ear he would sound dead serious, but Sylvain picked up on a little bit of sarcasm in his tone so he knew the other boy was messing with him.

“Of course I didn’t forget my injury! I just wasn’t expecting such kindness from you,” Sylvain lied. The truth was, Sylvain had forgotten about everything other than Felix. Not only was his arm around the other boy, but he was leaning down enough to rest his head lightly on the side of Felix’s head. Some of Felix’s hair had fallen out from his bun and the loose strands were tickling Sylvain’s nose.

“Well if you keep on being such an asshole about it, I won’t be so kind in the future,” Felix said, but Sylvain could tell his friend was smiling. Sylvain allowed Felix to guide him out of the training grounds and to their rooms. Luckily it was still early so there was no one around to see Sylvain’s uncharacteristic dependence and Felix’s uncharacteristic softness.

Sylvain was feeling a bit mischievous so when they got to the stairs he groaned dramatically and allowed even more of his weight to sink onto Felix’s shoulder. To his surprise, Felix didn’t react at all and instead essentially dragged Sylvain up the stairs. _He’s much stronger than he lets on,_ Sylvain realized, impressed. _I bet he could hold me down no problem,_ the horny side of Sylvain’s brain added unhelpfully.

Fortunately, after climbing the stairs they were mere steps away from Sylvain’s room, so Sylvain could pretend the blush forming on his cheeks was exertion from climbing the stairs and not from the series of mental images involving Felix on top of him that Sylvain’s mind had just conjured. He made sure to breathe just a little bit harder than was absolutely necessary to sell it, which earned him a weird look from Felix.

“Wow, I really did a number on you, didn’t I?” Felix asked as he stopped in front of Sylvain’s room and Sylvain fumbled for his key. _Oh if only he knew exactly what he did to me_.

“What can I say Felix, you make me weak,” Sylvain winked as he turned his key and opened the door.

Felix scrunched his nose in a very cute approximation of a disgusted face, “I’m pretty sure you’ve already used that line.”

Sylvain laughed as he stepped into his room, “Okay, well how about, ‘Felix, you take my breath away’?”

“Horrible, but you haven’t used it yet. Honestly, how you get all those girls is beyond me,” Felix rolled his eyes, “Anyways, we’re meeting in the library after lunch right?”

“Yes! We’re going to have such a great time organizing the entirety of the library,” Sylvain put on his brightest smile and tried to make his voice as excited as possible. Organizing the library was going to be long, tedious, and boring, but at least he would have Felix with him.

“Can’t wait,” Felix said dryly before turning around and walking towards his own room. Sylvain silently thanked the Goddess that there wasn’t anyone else around to see how his eyes lingered on Felix’s ass as he walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love how Felix's chapters are all like "I think my best friend is super attractive but he's straight and I'm too nervous to flirt with him :/" and then Sylvain's chapters are like "Why am I feeling these emotions? Is it okay to fail?? What is my sexuality??? Am I a bottom????" I'm really putting this poor boy through it.
> 
> As always thank you for reading and for all the support <3


	13. Two Bros Sharing a Twin Bed

Felix was simultaneously having the best and worst day of his life. He was thrilled that he was going to spend the day with Sylvain, but after the training grounds incident he was feeling flustered. Yes, it was great that the incident had given him enough images to jerk off to to last him a lifetime, but Felix wasn’t sure if he would be able to look Sylvain in the eyes any time soon. He paced his room angrily, remembering how hot Sylvain looked sprawled out underneath him with a blade to his throat. He didn’t know what had gotten into him (personally, he blamed Annette for putting dangerous ideas about seduction in his head), but the power he felt when Sylvain was under him was intoxicating. Felix didn’t consider himself a particularly kinky man, but there were definitely a few kinks there that he really didn’t have time to unpack at the moment.

Felix felt his heartbeat increase as he remembered how Sylvain had flipped them over and pinned Felix to the ground. Their faces had been close enough that if he had lifted his head slightly they would have kissed, and Felix remembered how Sylvain looked at him with an expression Felix had never seen before, one that sent shivers down his spine and made him feel unbearably hot. It reminded him of how Sylvain looked at his conquests after pulling back from a kiss, but there was something different about it. Whatever it was, Felix couldn’t get it out of his head, which was very bad.

Felix was initially tempted to conclude that Sylvain pinning him to the ground and looking at him like he was one of his many girls was a good thing. After all, it meant Sylvain was interested, right? 

Except for it didn’t mean that at all, Felix realized. Felix wasn’t great with emotions, but he wasn’t an idiot. He knew that Sylvain didn’t feel anything for the women he brought back to his room; he just saw them as a good method of “unwinding.” Sylvain was probably frustrated that he didn’t get laid last night (thanks to Felix’s interference in the market) and took it out on Felix this morning. While Felix didn’t consider himself spectacularly attractive, he knew he wasn’t ugly so it would make sense that a desperate Sylvain would start thinking perverted things about him quickly. Maybe Sylvain was bored and looking to experiment. That was a thing straight people did, right?

Either way, the worst thing Felix could do was take it as a sign Sylvain liked him romantically, as much as he was desperate to do just that. Misinterpreting Sylvain’s intentions would just lead to more heartbreak in the end.

Wholly frustrated, Felix stormed out of the dorms to make his way to the dining hall, only to be assaulted by a gust of frigid air that forced him back inside. The intensity of the cold caught Felix by surprise; sure, it had been cold that morning but it was even colder now. _There must be a cold front coming in,_ he realized as a wave of dread washed over him.

Felix lived much further north than Garreg Mach was situated, so he wasn’t expecting to be bothered by the cold at all. In fact, the warmer climate had been one of the monastery’s main selling points when he was deciding on which boarding school to attend. He had never been great with the cold and was always forced to wear a comical amount of layers through the winter at home. 

Felix went back to his room and started going through his closet. He had been an idiot and decided to not pack his warmest winter coat, so he was forced to instead squeeze into two of his thinner jackets. _Hopefully it won’t get any colder,_ Felix thought as he realized that the monastery didn’t have great insulation. His room was going to be freezing tonight.

Luckily, the two additional layers did seem to keep Felix warm as he made his way to the dining hall. He noticed that all of the students seemed to be bundled in their warmest clothes, with the exception of Sylvain and Annette, who lived considerably further north than Felix. In fact, Sylvain had the audacity to be wearing no layers above his school uniform, making him look out of place next to Ingrid who was wearing a heavy, full length coat.

“Ah, Felix! Can’t take the cold I see,” Sylvain smiled when he saw Felix, motioning to the empty chair next to him.

Felix scowled as he sat down, “At least I don’t cry when we have to train in the heat.”

“That was one time!” Sylvain protested as Ingrid started laughing.

“You know, Sylvain, Felix has a point. It’s way more likely to be too hot than too cold. You’re going to be miserable in a few months,” Ingrid nodded at Felix. Felix was reminded of their childhood arguments over whether hot or cold weather was better. Ingrid and Felix would always team up against Sylvain and Dimitri and the teams would fight it out. Felix could still remember the many nights he spent next to Ingrid under makeshift forts, waiting for Sylvain and Dimitri to make their move. Those were simpler times.

Sylvain, realizing his usual backup was nowhere to be seen, decided to change the subject, “So, Ingrid, how’s flying treating you?”

Ingrid shook her head, “I don’t quite have the hang of it yet. Yesterday my pegasus got spooked and almost bucked me off his back. Luckily I wasn't too high up or I would have had to pay Professor Manuela a visit.”

“Yikes! Stay safe out there, Ingrid,” Sylvain winced, “Although for what it’s worth I definitely think you should stick with flying. The way the wind tousles your hair when you fly looks wonderful.”

Ingrid rolled her eyes and flipped Sylvain off. Felix shook his head at Sylvain’s forwardness. Inwardly, he was cursing himself for being jealous of Ingrid. Sylvain wasn’t even trying to get with Ingrid, he was just being himself: stupid, flirty Sylvain. But Felix would really do anything to have Sylvain compliment how he looked after an hour of training, even if it didn’t mean anything.

The three friends fell into an easy conversation which mainly consisted of Ingrid and Felix shaming Sylvain for flirting with anything with a pulse. Sylvain’s hand rested flat on the table, closer to Felix’s place setting than normal. Felix caught himself imagining a world where he was dating Sylvain and holding his hand over the table while simultaneously making fun of him with Ingrid. Nothing sexual, just casual intimacy. He hated how warm the idea made him feel.

Eventually, Sylvain turned to Felix, “Well, I think it’s about time we stopped procrastinating and went to the library, what do you think?”

_Oh right, the library,_ Felix remembered with dismay. Felix wasn’t particularly excited to spend the rest of his day holed up in the library with only Sylvain for company. Not that he didn’t want to talk with Sylvain, but if something weird like what happened at the training grounds happened, Felix would have no means of escape.

_Let’s get this over with,_ Felix thought as he stood up and nodded at Sylvain.

“Have fun, you two!” Ingrid waved at them as they left the dining hall, winking at Felix when Sylvain’s back was turned. Felix glared at her and flipped her off, which made Ingrid laugh.

As Felix left the dining hall he was immediately hit with the cold outside. He angrily began buttoning up his layers, scowling at the snow that was accumulating on the pathway as if it had personally attacked him.

Felix heard Sylvain laugh behind him before feeling his arm wrap around him and pull him close to the other’s body.

“You know, I think you’ve gotten even worse with the cold since the last winter we spent together,” Sylvain observed while rubbing his hand up and down Felix’s arm in an attempt to keep him warm.

“No, you’ve just gotten more insufferable,” Felix shot back, knowing it was a horrible comeback. In his defense, he was distracted by Sylvain’s warm body pressed up against him and the comforting feeling of his hand on his arm. It took all of Felix’s willpower to keep himself from leaning into Sylvan’s touch.

Sylvain laughed again, and he was close enough to Felix that he could feel how Sylvain’s body shifted when he laughed. He was thankful that his face was buried under a scarf and that Sylvain was walking slightly behind him because he was blushing at the contact. The walk from the dining hall to the library wasn’t particularly long, but Sylvain’s presence made it felt like an eternity to Felix.

They finally made their way back inside and began climbing up the stairs to reach the library. Felix expected Sylvain to release Felix after they stepped inside, but his grip around Felix’s shoulders remained firm until they reached the library and Felix needed to remove his many layers. When Felix realized how cold it was in the library, he elected to put one of his jackets back on, which earned an eyebrow raise from Sylvain.

“What? There’s no fire in here so it’s cold. Sue me,” Felix crossed his arms and glared at Sylvain as he sat down at one of the library’s tabes.

“I didn’t even say anything!” Sylvain protested good-naturedly.

“But you were thinking about it,” Felix argued, “You had that look on your face.”

“You mean like a facial expression? Because I have a lot of those so you’ll need to be more specific.”

“You had your eyebrows raised, and you only do that when you’re going to insult someone.”

“Well I wasn’t going to insult you,” Sylvain promised, “In fact, I was going to compliment you. That jacket looks good on you, you should wear it more often.”

“What?” Felix responded eloquently. _Why would Sylvain have an opinion on what looks good on me? Is he just messing with me?_

Sylvain leaned against the nearest bookcase and not-so-subtly let his eyes drift over Felix’s body before shrugging casually, “Well it’s fitted, so it shows off your body nicely. It’s doing you a lot of favors, if you catch my drift.”

“Sylvain, where the fuck is this coming from?” Felix demanded. The look in Sylvain’s eyes paralleled the look from their earlier spar and it was making Felix weak in the knees. Felix vaguely registered the logical part of his brain warning him that this conversation was getting dangerous and he should look for an out. But Felix couldn’t bring himself to listen to that part of his brain, not when he wanted to keep Sylvain’s eyes locked on him forever.

Sylvain laughed awkwardly and ran his fingers through his hair as if catching on to the fact that he was being weird, but he didn’t look away, “I don’t know, I’ve just been paying attention I guess. It’s not advanced battle strategy, I just notice when you look nice... Do you not notice when I look nice?”

_He just notices when I look nice_ , Felix’s brain echoed helpfully. He had no idea what to do with the information Sylvain was bombarding him with. Does Sylvain _just notice_ when everyone looks nice, or was this something specially reserved for Felix? Does he _pay attention_ to what others wear, or just Felix? What did it even mean if he just did that for Felix?

Felix swallowed and did his best to look Sylvain in the eyes. Sylvain was flirting with him, so he had to say something flirty back, right? That’s what Annette told him to do. But it was so much harder to think of something flirty to say when Sylvain was looking at him, obviously expecting a response.

“Yeah, I notice when you look nice,” Felix finally settled on. He didn’t think it was particularly flirty, but it also didn’t shut down the conversation. So it was basically a win.

Sylvain looked genuinely taken aback by Felix’s response, but he quickly recovered and responded, “Really? Anything you’d like to share?”

“What do you mean?”

Sylvain smiled at him slyly as he moved to sit down across from Felix. He put his elbows on the table and leaned in, almost encroaching on Felix’s personal space but not quite. “You know, any outfit you think makes me look particularly good?”

Felix’s mind blanked. How the _fuck_ was he supposed to respond to this? Nothing Annette had said prepared him for whatever mood Sylvain was in right now.

“You look good in basically everything,” Felix admitted, using all of his willpower to not lean away. He was now regretting his decision to keep a jacket on, because he was getting uncomfortably hot. He was sure his face was red.

Felix’s comment seemed to snap Sylvain out of whatever persona he was emulating. His eyes widened in surprise and leaned back ever so slightly, which gave Felix room to breathe. For the first time in a long time, Sylvain looked like he was at an actual loss for words.

“Oh don’t give me that look. You know what you look like,” Felix snapped.

“No I don’t,” Sylvain insisted, his voice quieter and more vulnerable, “What do I look like?”

_What does Sylvain look like?_ Felix wondered, searching for the best adjective. Sexy, hot, beautiful, strong, flawless, god-like, kissable, unapproachable, adorable, intimidating, captivating, magnetic, sensitive, charismatic, charming, annoying, enigmatic, familiar. _Goddess I can’t say any of these_.

“Attractive,” Felix settled on, hoping Sylvain would ignore the way his voice wavered as he spoke.

Sylvain smiled widely, “Thank you, Felix! That means a lot, coming from someone as attractive as you.”

_Shit._ “You know you don’t have to compliment me just because I complimented you?”

“Oh sorry, I didn’t realize only one of us was allowed to be attractive,” Sylvain put his hands up in mock surrender, “Although, I have to say, I think of the two of us _you’re_ the attractive one.”

_Fuck._ “Well I for one am not going to sit here and argue with you over who’s more attractive.”

Sylvain shrugged, “Fine by me. But you know, you should really be more confident.”

“And why, pray tell, is that?” Felix really didn't want to get his hopes up, but it sure seemed like Sylvain was making a move on him in the middle of the library.

“Because confidence is hot! Think of all the women that would be falling at your feet if you just accepted how good you looked!”

_Oh._

_So he wasn’t flirting with me. He was just being a good friend._ Felix felt his heart sink at the realization, and he knew his face had fallen. Sylvain might find him attractive, but it was in the way Felix found girls attractive. Aesthetically, not sexually.

“How about if instead of continuing this very inspiring self-confidence seminar, we just organized this fucking library and went to bed,” Felix offered shortly, unsure what else to say. He was so sure that Sylvain was flirting with him, but it turns out the other boy just wanted to give him a confidence boost. Which was nice, but not what Felix was looking for.

Sylvain stared at Felix for a moment as if considering something before motioning to the books, “Okay! This section needs to be alphabetical by title.”

\---

Organizing the library turned out to take even longer than either of them had anticipated, and Sylvain ended up having to bring their meals back from the dining hall so they could eat while they worked. The library was mainly silent as Felix and Sylvain focused on organizing each shelf to fit Tomas’ given criteria. They sat next to each other at a table, arms occasionally brushing as they reorganized seemingly endless piles of books.

By the time Felix placed the last book back on the shelf, it was well past curfew and becoming cold enough inside that Felix was considering putting his other jacket back on. Even Sylvain looked a little cold with his arms crossed and hands rubbing his upper arms vigorously.

“Well, it looks like it’s finally time to go to bed. Goodnight Sylvain,” Felix said unceremoniously. He wasn’t looking forward to the walk back, but he was going to take a few minutes to bundle up, and Sylvain should use those precious minutes to sprint back to his room.

“Woah, Felix, you’re not getting rid of me that easily. I hope you don’t think you’re going back to your room alone,” Sylvain protested as Felix began wrapping his scarf around his face.

“What do you mean?”

“Come on, Felix. We’ve been moving around this entire time and you’re still shivering. There’s no way you’re going to be warm enough to sleep without my help.”

_Oh, so that’s what he’s proposing,_ Felix realized. He was definitely not opposed to the idea of sharing a bed with Sylvain. Even better, the pretense of keeping him warm freed him up to cuddle with the other boy. Also, Sylvain was right. Felix wasn’t sure if even his heaviest blankets would be able to keep him comfortably warm tonight.

“I have some very thick blankets. I’ll be fine on my own,” Felix pretended to put up a fight. There was no way Felix could let Sylvain know how excited he was for this plan.

“Felix, we have the same set of bedding,” Sylvain pointed out, “Unless you have some secret blankets that I don’t have, you don’t have anything heavy enough to keep you warm. And don’t argue with me, I know the cold way better than you do.”

Sylvain was right, Felix couldn’t argue with that. Not that he wanted to or planned on doing so. “Fine. But if you snore I’m kicking you out.”

Sylvain beamed and followed a now-bundled Felix down the stairs and out into the cold. The second they stepped into the cold, Sylvain’s arm was around Felix and their bodies were slotted together. Despite Sylvain’s body heat (which was ample; the man really was a furnace) Felix was still insanely cold. They all but sprinted back to the dorms, where they separated.

“Okay, I’m going to get ready and get my stuff. I’ll be over in fifteen,” Sylvain said before opening his door and stepping inside.

Felix stepped inside his own room and took a deep breath. _It’s okay, I can do this,_ he repeated in his head like a mantra, desperately hoping nothing too weird was going to happen that night. It was only sharing a bed with his childhood crush, what could possibly go wrong?

To distract himself, he began his evening routine. His thoughts wandered to Sylvain, as they often did. He thought about the kindness of Sylvain’s offer. Felix wasn’t exactly the best bedmate--he tossed and turned endlessly until he could get comfortable and had to be strongarmed into cuddling--and yet Sylvain still offered to spend the night with him to warm him up. It was the little gestures that showed Felix the older boy was so much more than the womanizing front he put up.

Eventually, Felix’s mind drifted to the last time Annette had given him advice. Ironically, she had suggested inviting Sylvain to spend the night in his room as a good next step. He vaguely remembered her telling him that he should use the pretense of it being cold to get Sylvain to sleep in bed with him without it being awkward (check) and that he could use the lack of space in his bed to initiate cuddling. _I’m going to ask Sylvain to cuddle with me,_ Felix vowed to himself as he shivered in the cold of his room.

As promised, Sylvain was knocking on Felix’s door about fifteen minutes later. Felix, who was now in a pretty unflattering set of pajamas (it’s not like he planned on sharing a bed with Sylvain when he packed), reluctantly removed himself from the pile of blankets he was under and opened the door. Sure enough, there was Sylvain in a pair of loose pants and a ratty t-shirt. It was so unfair that he somehow made that look hot.

“Are you ready to go to bed now or do you still have things to do?” Sylvain asked as he stepped inside.

“I’m ready to sleep whenever you are,” Felix responded, trying not to sound too excited. He was tired from the emotional exhaustion of his day and wanted nothing more than to cuddle with Sylvain and be warm.

Sylvain nodded and proceeded to bury himself in Felix’s covers. Felix blew out his candles and crawled in bed next to Sylvain. There was really no room for two grown men on this tiny bed, so their shoulders and thighs were flush against each other.

“This isn’t going to work, we’re way too big to sleep like this,” Felix finally spoke up, willing Sylvain to understand his implication.

“Oh, I get it now. This was all just a ploy to force me to cuddle,” Sylvain replied playfully before shifting to his side. _Well that was easy,_ Felix thought, relieved.

“First off, this was your idea. Also it’s warmer, and you’re oh so concerned that I’m going to freeze to death,” Felix retorted as he began to roll over.

“Hey, I’m not arguing. I’m just surprised you actually _want_ to cuddle with me.” 

_Don’t insult him,_ Felix mentally coached himself. He had come this far; he wasn’t about to screw it up by insulting Sylvain and making the other boy feel unwanted.

“You know, even I enjoy cuddling every once and awhile,” Felix said before turning over and scooting back. Sylvain scooted forward to meet him, bringing Felix’s back flush to Sylvain’s chest. Sylvain looped his arm around Felix’s waist, resting it on his stomach. It was extremely comfortable, and Felix could feel his body relaxing into Sylvain’s touch. For the first time that day, Felix felt warm.

Behind him, Sylvain laughed, “So you are human after all. Good to know.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know, you seem to reject human contact. It’s almost as if you’re trying to avoid your humanity or something. It’s nice to see that underneath it all, you still want to make connections.”

“Yeah, I suppose I do,” Felix admitted. It was ironic, how Sylvain had him almost all figured out but still didn’t realize his crush. Or maybe he did and was just being nice by not mentioning it.

There was a long silence before Sylvain spoke up, “Hey Felix? Have you ever had a girlfriend?”

“Have _you_ ever had a girlfriend?” Felix reflected automatically, caught off guard. He already knew the older boy’s answer and didn’t particularly want to go on a tangent about Sylvain’s history, but he hoped it would be enough of a distraction to not have to delve into why Felix had never had a girlfriend.

“Yes, but you already knew that. Don’t dodge the question. Have you ever been with a girl?”

Felix tensed ever so slightly, “Do I look like someone who wastes his time on a girlfriend?”

“Well I don’t know, Felix, you never talk about it! It’s been four years, for all I know you have a small army of heartbroken lovers waiting for you at home. Just because you’re not dating anyone now doesn’t mean you didn’t do it in the past,” Sylvain argued. His tone reminded Felix of when they would bicker as children, back when they would argue for the fun of it.

“Well to answer your question, no.”

“Why not?”

_Because I was hung up on you_. “Because I didn’t have time.”

“Really, Felix, that’s your excuse? If you have enough time in the day to play board games with Ingrid and Annette, have tea with me, _and_ train an inadvisable amount, you have time for a girlfriend. I refuse to believe you spent more time training at home than you do here. I don’t think that’s even humanly possible,” Sylvain reasoned. _Shit, he’s right,_ Felix realized. There was really no way around this conversation now.

Felix took a deep breath, “I just didn’t want a girlfriend, okay? I _don’t_ want a girlfriend, so stop talking about it.”

“Oh,” Sylvain said quietly, as if people were listening in on their conversation, “Well, have you ever had a boyfriend?”

There was a pregnant pause. Felix supposed that he shouldn’t lie to a direct question. After all, he wasn’t going to go anywhere with Sylvain if the other boy thought he was straight. “Kind of?”

“What do you mean, kind of?”

Felix sighed, “We kissed a few times but we never went on dates. Then one day he introduced me to his girlfriend, and that was that.”

“Wow, that’s so awful,” Sylvain said, sounding genuinely sympathetic and perhaps a little upset, “I can’t believe he used you like that.”

“Well, that’s what I get for trusting him. He was known for getting around so it was really only a matter of time.” Felix was pretty sure the only reason he was attracted to that boy was because his personality was similar to Sylvain’s: overly charismatic, cheerful, and popular. Not that he would ever admit he found any of those qualities attractive.

“Still, you deserve so much more than that,” Sylvain insisted earnestly, “You deserve to be the center of someone’s affections, not a casual fling.”

“I guess,” Felix mused, unsure how to respond. He could feel a different kind of warmth envelop him at Sylvain’s words. After pining after Sylvain for so long, it had become difficult for Felix to see himself as anything other than someone’s casual fling. It meant a lot to know that Sylvain thought he deserved more than that.

“I’m serious, Fe. You’re amazing. That prick made a huge mistake when he took you for granted,” Sylvain continued, pulling Felix closer to him. Felix’s breath hitched at the words and the action. He allowed himself to release some of the tension in his body.

“Well that’s all in the past now,” Felix murmured.

“Yeah, you’re right. So, total assholes aside, do you want a boyfriend now?”

“Why? Asking for a friend?” Felix asked, trying to keep his voice casual. _Why is Sylvain asking me this?_ Felix wondered. Sylvain was known to try to set his friends up with others (which had lead to more than one incident involving Dimitri and knives) but Felix couldn’t think of any gay guys that Sylvain knew well enough to set him up with. Maybe Claude, but if Claude wanted to date Felix he probably would have just asked Felix himself. Unlike Felix, Claude seemed to have his shit together.

Sylvain shifted behind Felix, “No, just wondering. Is there a guy you want me to set you up with?”

_Yes, you_. “No.”

“Okay then, good talk,” Sylvain said sarcastically, “Goodnight Felix.”

Despite Sylvain’s random questioning catching Felix off guard, he found he was easily able to melt back into Sylvain’s touch. As he shifted closer to Sylvain, he felt Sylvain’s arm tighten around him in what could only be described as a protective gesture. Felix smiled to himself as he drifted off to sleep feeling warm, comfortable, and safe. He would never admit it, but the sleep he got that night was the best sleep he’d had in over four years.

It wouldn’t be until the next day when he ran through their midnight conversation with an exasperated Annette that he realized he had missed a golden opportunity to ask Sylvain about his sexuality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, it's so much easier to write these later chapters from Felix's POV because I too am an oblivious idiot who freezes when someone tries to flirt with me.
> 
> Also, if you want to hear what I listen to when I'm writing this, you can check out my playlist [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0qMVcPloSu39GXDuYQaqw6?si=XggoAXlPS4256OR7d4CyaQ). Ironically, it's mostly love songs despite the fact that I write mostly pining and sexual tension.


	14. Injury and Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as the title suggests, someone gets injured in this chapter (I'll give you two guesses as to who). I tried to not be too graphic, but if you don't like reading about blood, you can skip from the break to "After what seemed like an eternity."

So Felix was into guys. Sylvain was ecstatic when Felix admitted he wasn’t straight; that meant Sylvain might actually have a chance! Sure, there was no guarantee Sylvain was even Felix’s type (although Sylvain hadn’t forgotten that redhead comment from a few months ago) or that Felix even thought of them as more than friends, but Sylvain now had an outside chance of wooing his friend.

Unfortunately, Felix still didn’t know Sylvain wasn’t straight. Sylvain was mentally kicking himself for not coming out to Felix that night they (literally) slept together. At the time, he hadn’t wanted Felix to feel as if he was taking away from his moment by throwing in a disingenuous “oh yeah, me too.” But the days since their conversation had stretched to weeks and Sylvain just couldn’t find the right time to come out to his friend.

Of course, Sylvain soon realized he had other issues besides the whole coming out thing. For starters, that guy that Felix was talking about sounded a lot like him, and not in the good way. Introducing two of his lovers to each other definitely sounds like something Sylvain would do, and Sylvain definitely had a reputation for “getting around.” Felix wasn’t the kind of person to make the same mistake twice, which means he’d definitely be wary of dating Sylvain. So if Sylvain wanted a shot with Felix, he was going to have to clean up his act.

So Sylvain started making a conscious effort to stop flirting, which made everyone else suspicious.

“Oh, so you’re not going to tell me my clothes look great but they would look even better on your floor?” Ingrid demanded on day one of Operation: Only Flirt with Felix. She was wearing a new outfit for the first time, and Sylvain had to admit it looked really good on her, “It must be my lucky day.”

“Well, Ingrid, those clothes _do_ look wonderful on you and they _would_ look even better on my floor for sure,” Sylvain winked, “But I wasn’t planning on saying that. It would be rude.”

Ingrid was having none of it, “Okay, and you started caring about that when?”

“Hey, I’m just trying to be less of a dick,” he protested, “Please don’t let your judgement get in the way of my personal growth.”

“Well then, excuse me for hindering your growth process,” Ingrid rolled her eyes, but dropped the subject.

After about a week of Sylvain actively trying to not flirt with anyone but Felix, Mercedes approached him with a concerned expression and asked, “Sylvain, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything is fine. Why do you ask?” Sylvain tried to sound casual. He loved Mercedes, but he knew what she was getting at and didn’t really want to talk to her about his feelings for Felix.

“You just seem off,” Mercedes said gently, as if trying to find the most delicate way to breach the subject, “You’ve haven’t been talking to women as much and you’re quieter.”

Sylvain shrugged, “I’m just trying to be a better person. It’s nothing, really.”

“Are you dating someone?” Mercedes whispered, as if Sylvain’s love life was the biggest monastery secret.

“What? No!” Sylvain exclaimed, “What gives you that idea?”

Mercedes shrugged, “Well Annette and I were trying to figure out reasons you would suddenly stop flirting, and we decided you were probably seeing someone. You know, because I’m sure your significant other wouldn’t appreciate seeing you flirt with other people.”

“Well, I’m not seeing anyone,” Sylvain insisted.

“But there is someone, isn’t there?” Mercedes asked with a mischievous glint in her eye.

“Mercedes, you shock me! I would expect such an observation from Annette or Ingrid, but coming from you it’s quite a nice surprise,” Sylvain said, genuinely impressed and a little concerned. If Mercedes could pick up he had a crush, who else had? Had Felix realized?

Mercedes laughed, “So I’m right, then?”

“Yes, you’re right,” Sylvain conceded reluctantly, “We’re not together or anything though! I’m just trying to show them I’m serious with my intentions.”

“Well if you keep it up, I’m sure he’s bound to notice sooner or later,” Mercedes smiled encouragingly, “Just hang in there.”

“He? Who said anything about a guy?” Sylvain forced a laugh, trying to play it casual. _Oh I’m so screwed_.

“Oh, you’re not subtle, Sylvain. I think everyone but him notices,” Mercedes said smugly before turning around and walking away.

\---

Sylvain didn’t see the attack that hit Felix. He should have seen it--after all, it was aimed for him in the first place--but he had been distracted while facing another opponent. That means when he had defeated his opponent and turned to face Felix, the sight of the other boy on the ground beside him with a slash that extended from the small of his back up to his right shoulder caught him entirely off guard.

“Felix?!” Sylvain yelled as he fell to his knees. Felix didn’t respond.

Sylvain immediately assumed the worst. What if Felix was dead? For a moment, Sylvain froze. He didn’t know what he would do without his best friend. Ever since they reunited, Felix had supported everything Sylvain did. It didn’t matter that Sylvain was a horrible womanizer and awful flirt, Felix stood by his side. Sure, Felix was always on his case and telling him to be a better person, but he understood that Sylvain was more than a flirty playboy and didn’t let him forget it. Even more than that, Felix made Sylvain happy. His jabs and insults were entertaining, his commitment to bettering himself was inspiring, and the way he let his guard down when he laughed was the most beautiful thing Sylvain had ever seen.

“Felix?” Sylvain asked again as he moved closer to Felix’s body. Felix was lying on his stomach in a pool of blood. There was so much blood that Felix’s white shirt was stained a deep red. As he approached, Felix’s eyes opened slowly.

“Sylvain? What are you still doing here?” Felix asked weakly.

Sylvain breathed a sigh of relief, “I’m here to help you, stupid. Can you walk?”

With his uninjured hand, Felix gestured towards his body and fixed Sylvain with a glare that plainly said _do you seriously think I can walk?_

“Okay, so that’s a no then,” Sylvain looked around for Mercedes desperately, “Shit, I can’t just leave you like this, but I have literally no idea where Mercedes is. I have to go find her, right? That’s--”

“--Sylvain.” Felix interjected. “Don’t be an idiot. Mercedes knows where we are. Just keep fighting, I’ll be fine.”

“Hell no. You’re not dying without me Felix, or did you forget our promise?” Sylvain said, desperately trying to hide the fact that he was on the verge of tears.

“You… remember?” Felix asked before closing his eyes. Sylvain could see he was still breathing, but that didn’t keep panic from rising up within him. There was no way he was leaving his best friend unconscious and bleeding out on the battlefield, so he picked Felix up and hoisted him up into his horse’s saddle (careful to avoid further injuring him, of course). After settling behind Felix, he began riding towards the last place he saw Mercedes. She probably wasn’t there anymore, but it was the only thing he could think to do.

After what seemed like an eternity (but was really closer to a few minutes) of riding, Sylvain saw two figures in the distance.

“Mercedes?” He called out. The figures turned to face him.

“Nope! Try again,” Annette’s voice rang out jovially. Her good mood was a promising sign that they were about to win the battle, Sylvain noted absently.

“Annette? Where’s Mercedes? Felix needs help,” Sylvain called as he dismounted, gently taking Felix off of his mount so Annette could examine him. Ingrid was standing right next to her, looking extremely concerned. As Annette came closer and she could see exactly what the situation was, her eyes grew wide and her face became pale.

“Holy Seiros what happened? Is he alive?” Annette asked, already preparing a healing spell.

“He’s alive, he’s just unconscious. He blocked an attack for me,” Sylvain felt a pang of guilt run through him. If he had just seen that attack Felix wouldn't have needed to put himself in harm’s way. His only source of comfort at the moment was Annette. Annette might not be Mercedes, but she was a strong magic user and she would definitely be able to at least keep Felix from dying until Mercedes came.

“I’ll get Mercedes,” Ingrid said before jumping on her pegasus and flying off.

In the distance, Sylvain heard sounds of celebration. “Sounds like we won at least,” he observed emotionlessly. Sylvain didn’t care if they won or lost as long as he had Felix.

Sylvain watched as Annette engulfed Felix’s body in a golden light. Once the light dissipated, Sylvain could see that Felix’s wound had stopped bleeding and had closed slightly, but he was nowhere close to healed.

“I haven’t really mastered many healing spells yet, so this is all I can do. He should be okay until we find Mercedes,” Annette said, looking at Sylvain sympathetically, “Are _you_ okay?”

Sylvain nodded, “Yeah, I’m fine. Actually, I’m totally uninjured, thanks to Felix. Thank you so much for your help Annette.”

“Look, Sylvain, don’t beat yourself up,” Annette frowned, “You know Felix would have been upset if you had tried to prevent him from protecting you.”

“Oh trust me I know,” Sylvain tried his best to laugh his guilt away (it wasn’t working), “Don’t worry, Annette. I’ll be fine.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ingrid’s pegasus returning with both Mercedes and Ingrid on her back. They quickly dismounted and ran over to where they were standing. 

“Sylvain! Annette! How is Felix?” Mercedes called as she ran up next to them. Annette turned to Mercedes and began describing his condition and what she had already done to help him in terms too technical for Sylvain to understand. Ingrid turned to him and moved as if she wanted to take Felix from him. Instinctively, he jerked away. There was no way he was leaving Felix without knowing he was going to be okay.

“Sylvain,” Ingrid said patiently, “I have to take Felix so Mercedes can heal him back at camp. You’re too upset to do that right now.”

“No. I’m fine,” Sylvain argued, but he knew it was no use. He was obviously on the verge of tears and covered in mud and sweat from the battle. If he wasn’t determined to stay by his best friend’s side, he definitely would have collapsed by now.

Ingrid shook her head, “This isn’t a discussion, Sylvain. I’m telling you you’re not in the right state to deal with this right now. Let me take him, I promise we’ll take good care of him.”

“You can carry him,” Sylvain said after a brief hesitation, “But I’m coming with you guys. I need to make sure he’s okay.”

“Deal. Now hand him over.”

Sylvain carefully handed Felix over to Ingrid. Ingrid nodded to him and then turned and followed Annette back to camp. They decided to walk instead of ride back to avoid reopening Felix’s wounds. Mercedes remained at Felix’s side, examining his injuries and discussing with Annette what the best course of action was. Sylvain trailed behind them, leading his horse and Ingrid’s pegasus back to camp. He was like a ghost, silent and unable to react to anything happening around him.

When they reached the medical tent, Annette turned to close the tent before Sylvain could walk inside.

“There’s no way I’m letting you in here,” She said when Sylvain tried to protest, “You’re just going to hover around us and make our jobs harder. Do yourself a favor and do something else to take your mind off of this.”

Sylvain was too tired to argue, so he just said, “Annette, please. I can’t leave him.”

Annette shook her head, “I know it’s hard, but you’ve got to trust us. Mercie is the best healer at Garreg Mach, but she can’t work if you’re breathing down her neck. Why don’t you go ask the professor if they need any help?”

Realizing Annette wasn’t going to budge on her position, Sylvain reluctantly walked away. After putting his horse and Ingrid’s pegasus away, Sylvain had no idea what to do. He didn’t know where the professor was and he doubted they actually had an assignment for him, so he just wandered around camp, keeping a close eye on the medical tent and checking in periodically.

He wasn’t allowed to see Felix the first time he checked back. Or the second, third, fourth, or fifth. On his sixth attempt, Ingrid came out of the medical tent with her lance in hand, threatening to beat Sylvain up if he came back before she told him it was okay.

Finally taking the hint, Sylvain had contented himself with standing in the clearing across from the medical tent and grooming his horse. He wasn’t making much progress in his task because every time there was even a faint noise from the medical tent he got distracted.

After what felt like an eternity (but in reality was more like two hours), Ingrid emerged from the medical tent and walked over to Sylvain.

“Okay, we’re ready to let you see Felix,” She said. Sylvain’s heart soared and he leapt to his feet, all but sprinting into the medical tent with Ingrid trailing behind him.

Felix was sitting up in one of the beds, listening to Mercedes and Professor Byleth, who were taking turns giving him instructions. Sylvain felt an instant rush of relief. Logically, he knew that Ingrid would have told him if anything bad happened to Felix, but it was even better to see him in person. His face was a picture of concentration, nodding obediently as Mercedes gave him instructions. He looked cute despite the bandages wrapping his right arm and most of his torso.

“--And remember, no using your right arm for a week,” Mercedes was saying, which caused Felix to scowl.

“Seriously, Felix, no using it. Get Sylvain to help you do things if you must,” Professor Byleth scolded when they saw Felix’s expression change.

Felix rolled his eyes, “Oh, so you’re responsible for the shitty advice coming from the advice box. Good to know.”

Mercedes sighed but seemed to be done with her instructions. She turned and saw Sylvain, and her face lit up.

“Oh, Sylvain! Great, you’re here,” She exclaimed, walking over to him and handing him a jar of something, “After I take his bandage off next week, he’s going to need to spread this over his wound every day before bed. He’s pretty adamant that he doesn’t want to do it, so I’m hoping you have more luck convincing him.”

“I’ll do my best,” Sylvain doubted he would be any more successful than Mercedes, but he was happy Mercedes trusted him with such an important task.

Mercedes leaned in closer and whispered, “Felix won’t believe this, but your fast action probably saved his life. If you hadn’t found Annette he might have bled out or his wound might have gotten deeper.” It wasn’t as comforting as Mercedes had probably intended because Sylvain knew he was the reason this whole issue had happened anyways, but it was nice to know that he had reacted correctly.

“Well, we should probably give Felix some space,” Annette piped up, winking at Sylvain, “Let us know if anything comes up.”

With that, Annette, Ingrid, Mercedes, and Professor Byleth left the medical tent leaving Felix and Sylvain alone. Sylvain found himself suddenly unsure what to say to the man in front of him.

After an awkward silence, he finally settled for, “So you’re going to be okay?”

Felix shrugged his good shoulder, “Yeah, that’s what it sounds like. Honestly, it wasn’t even that bad.”

“Fe, I thought you were going to die,” Sylvain said as he walked closer to Felix’s bed. As he got closer, he saw just how extensive the bandage was. He was surprised Felix was able to sit up; the bandages around his torso made it obvious his back took the brunt of the hit.

“You’re just dramatic. I wasn’t going to die,” Felix said dismissively.

“What do you mean, I’m dramatic? You were literally bleeding out in my arms! You actually passed out! Seriously, look at yourself and tell me you wouldn’t have freaked out if I had an injury that bad.”

“I would never let you get injured this bad.”

“Why? Why did you take the hit for me? I could have taken it.”

“Why do you think?”

Felix was fixing him with a very intense stare. It wasn’t focused like it was on Mercedes a few minutes ago and it wasn’t consuming like their encounter in the training grounds. It was almost like Felix was willing Sylvain to understand something, but Sylvain had no idea what Felix could possibly want him to understand.

Sylvain shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair, “I don’t know, Felix! I’ve been trying to understand but I just can’t.”

“I’m not going to explain it to you. Figure it out yourself,” Felix commanded, continuing to fix Sylvain with the same look. _Figure what out?_ He wondered desperately. Despite his caustic exterior, Felix was usually pretty good at communicating important information. But this was obviously important and the other boy was refusing to budge on the issue.

“You gotta help me out here, Fe,” Sylvain pulled up a chair and sat down. If Felix was going to be difficult, he was going to be there for a long time.

Felix sighed (a little dramatically, Sylvain thought) but humored him, “Do you remember when we were kids and you almost died climbing that rock?”

“I did _not_ almost die but yes, of course I remember that.”

“Well that really pissed me off because there was nothing I could do about it. One moment you were perfectly fine and the next you were on the ground. And it got me thinking, I need to be able to do something about shit like that in the future--”

“--Fe, that wasn’t your fault! There’s no way you could have stopped that, even if you knew it was coming!” 

“Do you want me to help you understand or not?”

Sylvain nodded silently.

“Okay then, shut up. So as a kid I really wanted to make sure something like that wouldn’t happen again. So when I saw the opportunity to keep it from happening again, I took it.”

“But why? I would have been fine! Surely you knew that.”

“Sylvain, if you don’t know why I don’t want to see you get hurt, I can’t help you.”

Sylvan sighed. There was obviously something more to Felix’s story than he was telling him. But Sylvain couldn’t for the life of him figure out what would cause Felix to put himself in excessive danger to keep Sylvain from getting hurt. Sure, Felix valued camaraderie and cared for his classmates more than he let on, but there was no reason for Felix to take the hit for him. Sylvain would have survived, probably with less injuries than Felix currently had.

“Okay, well I don’t understand why you did it, but I would like to thank you for doing it. Even though I would have survived that was a nasty attack,” Sylvain finally settled on saying, “You really saved my flawless skin there, Fe,” Sylvain winked at Felix, who rolled his eyes, “And if there’s anything I can do for you, I’ll do it.”

“Yeah, stop bothering me and let me get some sleep,” Felix scowled. Well, at least his personality was still intact.

“Point taken,” Sylvain laughed, “I’ll get out of your hair. Which, by the way, somehow looks beautiful despite your near death experience. What’s your secret?” 

“I wash it,” Felix supplied helpfully. Sylvain noticed his cheeks were pink. Hopefully he wasn’t getting an infection or catching a cold.

“I’ll have to try that, then,” Sylvain smiled before standing up and beginning to walk out of the tent.

“Sylvain?” Felix said almost too faintly for Sylvain to hear. It felt as if the swordsman almost hoped Sylvain wouldn’t hear him.

“Yes, Felix?” Sylvain turned back around to face the other boy.

“Would you have done the same for me?” Felix whispered. He looked so scared and vulnerable in that moment, and it took all of Sylvain’s strength to keep himself from pulling Felix in a tight embrace and whisper comforting words softly in his ear. He wanted to kiss all of the other boy’s insecurities away and show him how loved he really was. But now was most certainly not the time for that.

“Of course. Without hesitation.”

Felix simply nodded, looking relieved. Sylvain took Felix’s lack of response as his cue to leave Felix to rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the injury but in order to have hurt/comfort, you need the hurt first! I promise I'll make the comfort worth it :)
> 
> Thank you for the kudos and comments, it really means a lot!!


	15. Massage Time ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to dedicate this chapter to my parents who sleep with their door open despite the fact that my dad snores really loudly. Something about not being able to sleep (and being stuck inside this house) really makes me want to write sexually tense scenes.

It had been a week since his injury and Felix was feeling a little bit better. He was definitely not at full strength yet, but he could feel his mobility returning and he was no longer in pain when he adjusted in bed at night.

Sylvain had been a nuisance, doting on Felix as if he was a child. Normally Felix would find Sylvain’s willingness to drop everything to care for Felix charming, but Sylvain’s failure to understand what he did was an act of love (and not the friendship kind) showed Felix that the oblivious redhead didn’t think of him in that way. As it was, seeing Sylvain on a daily basis was a painful reminder of his unrequited love that Felix would rather be avoiding.

Alas, the Goddess was punishing him for his years of being a horrible person. Sylvain was sitting next to him as Annette removed his bandage and rubbed him down with disinfectant for the final time. He had managed to keep him from coming to his daily visits with Mercedes, but because Mercedes had for some unholy reason chosen to assign the task of long-term care to Sylvain, the other boy had insisted he be there to watch Mercedes’ process.

Naturally, Mercedes chose that day to attend Professor Manuela’s seminar and left the task to Annette, who had been badgering Felix to make a move on Sylvain for weeks (apparently cuddling and coming out to him didn’t cut it). Felix didn’t trust her to keep her mouth shut when it was just the three of them.

“Doesn’t this hurt?” Sylvain asked as he watched Annette rub disinfecting lotion onto his wound. It did hurt very much, both due to the direct contact with Felix’s sore injury as well as due to the sting of the disinfectant.

“Yes, it does,” Felix confirmed.

“You can hold my hand if it hurts too much,” Sylvain said. Felix looked at Sylvain, expecting him to wink or smirk to show he was joking, but he was just met with genuine, deep brown eyes.

“If that will make you feel useful,” Felix said, taking Sylvain’s hand. He would never admit it, but he definitely wanted to hold Sylvain’s hand. The other boy’s hand was broad and warm against Felix’s. As Annette pressed into his wound harder and sent sparks of pain through Felix’s body, he squeezed down on Sylvain’s hand, and in response, Sylvain rubbed comforting circles over the back of his hand. Felix was surprised at how much it was actually helping distract him from the pain, and he had to consciously keep himself from leaning his head on Sylvain’s shoulder.

Annette smiled at them, “You guys are so cute.”

“Cute?” Felix echoed, trying his best to sound confused yet threatening. That most certainly sounded like something you would tell a couple, not two friends. He didn’t know what Annette was playing at, but she was about to blow his cover.

“Yeah. You guys are such supportive friends, like Mercie and me!” Annette said. Felix prayed that Sylvain had no idea that Annette and Mercedes were dating. Felix himself was shocked when he found out, but Sylvain was always better with people so it was definitely possible he had known for a while. Fortunately, based on Sylvain’s lack of reaction and Annette’s casual wink, Felix was pretty sure Sylvain didn’t know.

Sylvain laughed, “Of course we’re cute! I’m the most eligible bachelor in Fodlan and Felix is a huge catch,” here Sylvain predictably winked at Felix, “so it’s only natural that we'd look great together.”

There was a lot to process there. First off, did Sylvain seriously describe Felix as a “catch”? Even if he wasn’t being serious, the complement made Felix feel warm. He hoped he wasn’t blushing. Also, saying that it was only natural they’d look great together sounded like something someone in a couple would say. Sure, Sylvain said flirty things to everyone, but Felix was pretty sure those weren’t normal things to say about your friends, even for Sylvain.

Annette giggled, “You know, Sylvain, if I didn’t know any better, I would think you were flirting with Felix.”

“So what if I am?” Sylvain shrugged casually, causing Felix to choke on air and Annette to drop the container of disinfectant.

Felix quickly recovered and raised an eyebrow, “Well are you?”

“There’s no need to make a big deal out of it, I’m just saying whoever dates you will be lucky to have you.” Felix could have sworn Sylvain squeezed his hand a little bit when he said that. Felix pushed the little bit of hope that had begun to bloom in his chest away. He couldn’t have his heart broken by another playboy, especially not when that playboy was his straight best friend.

“Oh, most definitely,” Annette wiggled her eyebrows comedically, “You know, we should set him up with someone! Between the two of us, I’m sure we could find Felix a suitable date. Felix, do you have any ideas?”

Felix was definitely going to kill her later.

“Nice try, Annette, I already asked him that,” Sylvain reported, “No such luck.”

“Oh really?” Annette gave Felix a pointed look. He had not mentioned that portion of their midnight conversation to Annette in an attempt to cover up his obvious lack of action, “There’s seriously not a single person in Garreg Mach that you would consider dating?”

“Nope. Can you just hurry up and finish so I can leave?” Felix squirmed uncomfortably. He wanted to be anywhere but here.

“Wow, you’re no fun,” Sylvain complained and Annette nodded in agreement.

“Well excuse me for focusing on things more important than relationships,” Felix retorted.

“You know, Felix, I think you’re just too afraid to date someone,” Annette said, causing Felix to glare at her, “Oh don’t look at me like that. You’re just too afraid to let someone in. Emotional intimacy and all that.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Felix said through gritted teeth. Sylvain was uncharacteristically silent, which was making Felix nervous. He hated not knowing what was going on in the other boy’s head.

Annette shrugged, “I think you do. You know, if you’re too afraid to let someone new in, you could always try dating one of your current friends.”

“Are you done yet? I have places to be,” Felix snapped. There was no way he was continuing this conversation. Sylvain knew as well as he did that he really only had three friends, and two of those friends were girls. That just left Sylvain to fit Annette’s criteria.

Annette rolled her eyes but dropped the subject. Sylvain awkwardly tried to steer the conversation to some discussion about magic, but Felix was emotionally checked out of the conversation at that point. The second Annette was done Felix bolted up and began walking towards the door.

“Felix, wait!” Sylvain called after him, “I have to give you your healing lotion!”

“I don’t care,” Felix called over his shoulder before violently opening the infirmary door. He was over being treated like a wounded animal and being a burden to his class, and he was done with Annette trying to blow his cover. He just wasn’t ready for Sylvain to know the extent of his emotions, especially in light of recent events.

Sylvain said something else, but Felix didn’t listen to him as he stormed out of the infirmary. He needed to be alone right now.

\---

Sylvain seemed to gather that Felix wanted to be left alone because Felix didn’t see him until he knocked on his door after dinner.

“Felix? I need to give you your lotion,” Sylvain called through the door. It had been a while since their earlier conversation and Felix had cooled down. He was also in considerable pain, so he was eager to get some relief. Not that he would tell anyone, least of all Sylvain, that.

Felix got up and opened the door. There was Sylvain, standing there in his pajamas, holding a container and smiling like an idiot. Felix rolled his eyes but stepped aside for Sylvain to enter. Sylvain looked surprised at the obvious invitation (he was just there to deliver some lotion after all), but he didn’t say anything as he made his way into Felix’s room.

“So where do you want me to put it?” Sylvain asked, clearly unsure exactly what Felix wanted from him. To be honest, Felix himself had no idea why he let Sylvain in. He was still angry with him for being so extremely dense and it was obvious Sylvain was just here out of some messed up sense of obligation. If Felix had sustained an injury saving anyone else, Sylvain wouldn’t be nearly as involved.

“I don’t want that lotion,” Felix snapped, glaring at Sylvain.

Sylvain ran his fingers through his hair, “Okay…? So are you trying to double your recovery time or…?” 

“It’s not going to double my recovery time. I’m basically healed already. I was never that injured,” Felix snapped.

“Seriously, Felix? I know that’s not true! You’ve been favoring your left arm all week and I know your back has been bothering you because you’ve been limping.”

“I haven’t been limping.”

“Why are you being so difficult? I’m just trying to help you, you know.”

“Well stop. I don’t want your help,” Felix blurted. He really didn’t mean it, but he was frustrated. He just wanted Sylvain to treat him like he did before he got hurt. He wanted the old Sylvain back, the one who exudes charisma and confidence. This new Sylvain was just trying to repay a nonexistent debt to Felix without taking a step back to understand why Felix didn’t want him to pay it back.

Felix expected Sylvain to get mad and leave (that’s what he would have done), but instead his eyes softened and his voice got quieter, “Felix, do you really mean that?”

“No,” Felix begrudgingly admitted, with his arms crossed. Sylvain would later say Felix was pouting in that moment, but he’s definitely lying.

Sylvain smiled gently, “So then what’s this issue? Why are you resisting my help?”

“Why are you so insistent on helping me?” Felix deflected.

“Because you’re my best friend! It might be hard for you to believe, but I actually have zero ulterior motives here.”

“No, you’re lying. If it was just that you wouldn’t be acting so fucking weird. I haven’t seen you so much as talk to a girl since I got injured because you’ve been following me everywhere and helping me way more than I want to be helped. Can you just stop trying to ease your conscious by helping me?”

“That’s not what I’m doing! I’m just trying to be your friend but you keep on stopping me,” Sylvain protested, “Remember when I got injured all those years ago? It wasn’t your fault but you tried your best to take care of me anyways? Let me repay the favor.”

“Fine,” Felix relented, “But tomorrow we’re going into town so you can flirt with that stupid shopkeeper you’re always making eyes at. I can’t believe I’m saying this but it’s actually creepier when you’re not flirting with people.” It would also be helpful for Felix to see Sylvain flirting with girls again, as it would remind him that his best friend wasn’t interested.

Sylvain shrugged, “No thanks, I’m kind of over girls.”

“Good. You'll finally have the time to focus on training so you can catch up to the rest of us.” _What the fuck does that mean? Sylvain, “over girls”?_

Sylvain opened his mouth to say something, but decided against it. Which was probably for the best because Felix was not in the mood to have any sort of conversation about relationships with Sylvain right now. There was an awkward silence before Sylvain piped up again, “Okay! I think if you sit on the edge of the bed and I sit behind you that would be the most comfortable for you.”

“Wait, what?”

“Well I’m helping you, right?” Sylvain asked, suddenly looking extremely nervous, “It’s not like you can properly reach your back anyways, so I figured I would help you out.”

Felix was so screwed. The idea of Sylvain sitting behind him and giving him a massage was really hot. Felix felt uncomfortably warm at the thought of it.

“Fine, if that will make you happy,” Felix said, trying his best not to sound excited. He moved to sit on the edge of the bed and cocked an eyebrow at Sylvain when he remained in the same place.

“You know you’re going to have to take your shirt off for this, right?” Sylvain asked, his eyes on Felix’s chest.

“I’m still sore. Help me take it off?” Felix requested in a flash of confidence. Sylvain may have no interest in him whatsoever, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t pretend. He knew it was dangerous territory, but he had been pining for years and craved anything resembling contact with his crush. And he could tell Annette about this later to get her off his back for a little while.

Sylvain nodded and knelt down in front of Felix. Felix tried to control his breathing as Sylvain reached for the buttons at the top of his shirt. Sylvain was facing down, but his head was close enough to Felix’s face that the younger boy could smell the sweet honey scent of his shampoo. Everything was too much. Sylvain was too close, his fingers were too gentle, and the moment was too intimate. 

After what seemed to be an eternity, Sylvain was done with his buttons and moved to push his shirt off of his arms. Sylvain’s hands ghosted down Felix’s arms, causing Felix to shiver. Sylvain was looking directly into Felix’s eyes now, and Felix was drowning in the deep chocolate. Then Sylvain was backing away, folding Felix’s shirt and placing it on his desk. Felix had to stop himself from following Sylvain as he left, his body desperately wanting to chase his touch.

Sylvain lifted himself up onto the bed and positioned himself behind Felix with his knees on either side of Felix’s body. Felix was thankful his back was to the other boy because he couldn’t help but blush at the idea that he was in between Sylvain’s legs. There were a few moments of tense silence where nothing happened. Felix braced himself for Sylvain’s touch. He knew it was coming and he was afraid about how his body was going to react.

Suddenly, Felix felt Sylvain run his hands through his hair. Felix had taken it down as he was getting ready for bed, and he was mentally applauding himself for making that decision. It was so relaxing to have Sylvain gently run his fingers through his hair as if they had all the time in the world to just exist together.

“Your hair is in the way,” Sylvain whispered in response to a question Felix didn’t need to ask. _Oh right, my injury,_ Felix remembered.

“You can tie it up, there’s a hair tie on my nightstand,” Felix pointed towards the hair tie.

“Can I braid it?” Sylvain asked in a small voice. If Felix didn’t know better he would have thought Sylvain was scared to ask.

Felix didn’t know how to tell Sylvain that he had been yearning for Sylvain to braid his hair for years, so he settled for nodding his head and saying, “If you want.”

“Wow, really? The Goddess must be smiling on me tonight,” Sylvain said. Felix could almost hear the smile that was definitely gracing Sylvain’s face right now. He almost wished he could see it, but he was glad he couldn’t. The moment was already dangerously intimate and the last thing Felix needed was to fall for his best friend all over again.

Sylvain leaned over to grab the hair tie before returning to his position behind Felix. At first, he just ran his fingers through Felix’s hair, gently separating the tangles that had formed throughout the day. Then he sectioned the hair at the top of his head and began braiding, incorporating more hair each time he crossed the strands. Felix closed his eyes in contentment as Sylvain rhythmically braided his hair, pulling hard enough for Felix to feel but not so hard as to hurt. It was obvious that Sylvain was very experienced in this particular activity, but Felix tried not to think about that. Right now, all of Sylvain’s attention was on _him_.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Sylvain tied off the braid and ran his hand along its length. Felix finally opened his eyes, realizing the moment was over.

“I’m sure I’ve told you this already, Fe, but your hair is beautiful,” Sylvain said, almost reverently.

“Yeah, you’ve used that line before,” Felix quipped to distract himself from how warm the compliment made him feel, “Are you running out of material or something?”

Sylvain made a frustrated noise, “I’m not saying that because I’m goofing around. Your hair is soft and thick and looks amazing. I could braid it all day.”

“Are you going to put this lotion on me or not?” Felix deflected. While Felix had many skills, accepting a genuine compliment wasn’t one of them.

Behind him, Sylvain laughed, “You know for someone who was about to stab me for suggesting it you’ve gotten very eager.”

“Whatever, I just want to get this over with.”

Felix heard the sound of the bottle opening and Sylvain spreading the lotion over his hands. Then Sylvain put his hands on Felix’s shoulders, which caused Felix to jump.

“Sorry!” Sylvain laughed, “I didn’t mean to scare you. Let me know if this hurts, okay?”

“You’re fine,” Felix grumbled, not wanting to admit that the feeling of Sylvain’s hands on his skin was one of the most wonderful experiences of his lifetime.

Sylvain started to move his hands rhythmically, dancing around his injury and massaging his muscles. Felix wasn’t quite sure why Sylvain was putting lotion on areas other than his wound, but he wasn’t complaining. He could feel the tension leaving his shoulders as Sylvain continued to work, slowly putting more pressure and paying more attention to the knots in his muscles.

“Wow, you’re really tense,” Sylvain’s voice came from near Felix’s ear. The proximity and the lowness of it sent a shiver down his spine and he had to suppress the noise that almost passed his lips.

“I wonder why,” Felix tried to say sarcastically, but it came out with no bite.

“Beats me,” Sylvain dug his fingers into a particularly tight spot near Felix’s neck, making him gasp lightly.

“But you should really find someone to help you _relax_ ,” Sylvain suddenly moved his hands down Felix’s sides, digging his thumbs in hard enough to make Felix short of breath. Sylvain’s words came out as a low purr, his mouth inches from the shell of Felix’s ear. Felix had to bite his lip to hold back a moan that would have definitely been embarrassing. Sylvain’s hands felt _so good_ on his body and the implications of his words were conjuring fantasies in Felix’s brain. He was definitely getting hard.

Felix just hummed in response (his brain wasn’t capable of coherent thought at the moment), and Sylvain chuckled lowly as if he could see Felix’s internal conflict. Every fiber of determination in Felix’s body was keeping his head from falling back onto Sylvain’s chest and his body from leaning into Sylvain’s touch. He should have known this would happen when he agreed to this.

After a few blissful minutes of Sylvain’s hands roaming his body, Sylvain spoke up, “So now I have to actually put the lotion on you. This part will probably hurt.”

“ _Now_ you’re putting the lotion on? What have you been doing for the last ten minutes?” Felix asked, shocked. Why was Sylvain massaging him if he didn’t have to?

“Massaging you. You seemed really tense, so I figured I’d help you out. I happen to be a very skilled masseuse,” Sylvain bragged. Felix finally put two and two together and realized why Sylvain was so good at massages. Of course he would give girls massages; it’s probably effective foreplay.

“You were okay,” Felix lied as if Sylvain’s massage didn’t short-circuit his brain. He heard a scoff from behind him so he knew the other boy didn’t believe him.

“One day I’m going to do something so amazing even you will have to compliment me on it,” Sylvain vowed.

Felix laughed at the thought, “You’re going to have to do much better than that to get a compliment from me.”

“Oh trust me I will. Also, brace yourself, I’m putting the lotion on now,” Sylvain warned before touching the small of Felix’s back. Pain shot through Felix’s body and he couldn’t help but wince.

“Sorry!” Sylvain apologized, lightening up on his pressure.

“It’s fine,” Felix said, but his voice sounded strained, “Just be quick about it.”

To his credit, Sylvain really did do his best to be fast. Unfortunately, Felix’s wound was still extensive, so it took a while to make sure the entire thing was completely covered. Sylvain did his best to keep Felix’s mind off of the pain by passionately describing some new chess set the professor recently gave him, his voice low enough to sound like he was whispering something filthy in Felix’s ear instead. It was really hot.

Finally, Sylvain leaned back and proclaimed, “Okay! I’m all done.”

“Thank the Goddess,” Felix breathed a sigh of relief. As much as he loved physical contact with Sylvain, the pain was getting to be a bit much at the end. He turned around slightly to look at Sylvain, who was looking at Felix’s injury thoughtfully.

“You know, that’s going to be a really sexy scar when it heals,” Sylvain said thoughtfully.

“How can a scar be sexy?” Felix asked, surprised that Sylvain would describe any part of him as sexy in such an intimate setting.

The redhead shrugged, “I don’t know. Some people think scars are hot. It makes you look badass.”

“What do you think about them?” Felix wasn’t sure why he asked. It’s not like he could change whether or not he was going to get a scar based on Sylvain’s answer.

“I think it depends on the person,” Sylvain said after a moment of consideration, “On you though? Let’s just say I envy your future boyfriend.”

Felix didn’t know how to respond to that, so he settled for hitting Sylvain with a pillow. The other boy fell back into the bed, yelling “Felix!” playfully. He grabbed Felix’s wrist and smiled widely at him before pulling him on top of his body, effectively preventing Felix from executing any further attacks.

Despite the extremely awkward situation Felix found himself in, he couldn't help but smile dumbly back at Sylvain. He was sprawled across the older boy’s broad chest, his good arm still within Sylvain’s grasp and his head turned to face Sylvain. They stayed like that for a few moments, just laughing between themselves as if one of them had just told the funniest joke in the world. By the time they had calmed down, Felix’s face hurt from smiling and his stomach was sore from laughing.

Eventually, Felix rolled off of Sylvain and walked over to his desk to put his shirt back on. Sylvain remained on his bed, watching him lazily. The domesticity of the moment almost hurt Felix.

“Hey, can I stay over tonight? I’m all ready for bed and yours is really comfortable so I don’t want to move,” Sylvain asked casually, as if he was reading Felix’s mind.

“Whatever, but you have to wait here alone while I get ready for bed,” Felix said. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t excited to spend the night with Sylvain in his bed. The warmth and comfort that radiated off of the other boy allowed Felix to sleep much better than when he was alone, and he thought Sylvain’s bedhead was adorable.

“I will eagerly await your return,” Sylvain winked. Felix rolled his eyes as he left for the bathroom.

As promised, Sylvain was still in his bed when Felix returned. As Felix slid into bed next to Sylvain, he allowed himself to think about this becoming a regular occurrence. He could get used to falling asleep in his best friend’s arms, where he felt warm and safe. Sylvain’s steady breaths were white noise and his body heat was Felix’s anchor.

“Goodnight Syl,” Felix said, failing to catch the familiar childhood nickname as it slid out.

“Sweet dreams, Fe,” Sylvain responded, his smile evident in his voice. Felix let the mental image of Sylvain’s smile and the weight of Sylvain’s body slotted behind his own soothe him into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys we're so close I promise just hang in there!


	16. Sylvain Finally Gets His Shit Together (Or Does He?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just finished my rough draft of the final chapter, so now all I have to do is edit! In celebration, I'm going to post two chapters at the end of this week, one on Friday and one on Saturday.
> 
> As always, thank you for all the support, it's so encouraging and helps me keep writing!

Sylvain awoke early the next morning in Felix’s bed with Felix’s face buried in his chest and Felix’s arm slung over his shoulders. He didn’t remember falling asleep in that position, but he figured Felix must have been drawn to his body heat in the cold of night. Felix looked adorable, with his hair all tangled from his adjusting the night before and his face forming a slight pout against Sylvan’s chest. Sylvain brushed a stray hair away from Felix’s face, causing the other boy to shift ever so slightly into Sylvain’s touch. Sylvain did his best to memorize the moment because he knew this would probably be the first and only time he would ever see Felix at such peace.

After a few serene moments, Sylvain decided that Felix waking up and seeing them in such a close position would be a Bad Thing (Felix barely tolerated spooning so Sylvain had no idea how he would react to _this_ ), so he began gently shifting away from the raven haired boy. Unfortunately, he was between Felix and the wall so he didn’t have much room to maneuver, and every motion was moving Felix’s head slightly.

Suddenly, Felix’s eyes opened and he squinted at Sylvain. Sylvain gave him his best, brightest smile back, which earned him a scowl.

“Sylvain, what are you doing?” Felix asked, voice grumpy and betraying his drowsiness. His face was still pressed into Sylvain’s chest, so he had to open his eyes fully in order to look up towards Sylvain. He was definitely still groggy, which Sylvain found endearing.

“Good morning to you too, Fe!” Sylvain exclaimed cheerily, “I’m just moving around and making myself comfortable. Don’t mind me.”

“You woke me up,” Felix pouted, pulling away from Sylvan’s chest and propping himself up on his good arm. The other boy clearly didn’t have any plans of going back to sleep now that he had been woken.

“You can go back to sleep, you know,” Sylvain pointed out. Felix had always been a fan of sleeping late, so Sylvain wasn’t surprised that he wasn’t ready to get up yet. Judging from the light streaming in from the window, the sun was just rising. Definitely too early for Felix.

Felix shook his head and glared at him, “I won’t be able to go back to sleep with you thrashing around next to me.”

“Well if you want, I can leave and do my _thrashing_ in my own bed,” Sylvain laughed at Felix’s exaggeration. Felix looked almost disappointed for a few moments, as if he disliked the idea of Sylvain leaving him alone so he could sleep.

However, before Sylvain could ask Felix why he looked so upset, Felix wrinkled his nose into a look of disgust and asked, “Was that an innuendo?”

“It is if you want it to be, sweetheart,” Sylvain flirted, winking at Felix.

“Don’t call me that,” Felix said quickly, his body immediately stiffening as if on guard. _Weird._

“Don’t call you sweetheart?”

“Yeah. It sounds like you’re talking to one of your girls. It’s gross,” Felix avoided Sylvain’s eyes and fidgeted with the bedspread.

“Felix, you know you mean so much more to me than those girls do,” Sylvain reminded him quietly. It broke his heart that Felix still viewed himself as being on the same level as the people he flirted with. Of course it was going to take time to reverse the flirtatious image he had created for himself, but Felix’s continuing concern betrayed deeper confidence issues.

“If you say so,” Felix got out of bed, still refusing to look at Sylvain. He definitely didn’t sound convinced, but Sylvain decided not to press the issue. It was still early in the day after all, and he didn’t really want to deal with an upset Felix for the rest of the day. One day though, he would tell Felix just how much more he meant to him than those girls. He just needed to wait for the right moment.

\---

Over the next few days, Sylvain and Felix established a routine. Sylvain showed up at Felix’s door after dinner and told him it was time for his lotion. Felix would put on a big show of not wanting Sylvain to bother (although after the first night, all of his arguments were halfhearted) and Sylvain would eventually “convince” him to let him do it. Then Sylvain would give him a massage and Felix would try to hide those beautiful sounds he made that went straight to Sylvain’s dick, and in return Sylvain was allowed to sleep in Felix’s room. It was close to Sylvain’s ideal routine (his actual ideal routine involved a little more sex, of course), but now his things were awkwardly distributed between his and Felix’s rooms which made it hard to find when he was in a rush.

Which is why Sylvain was sprinting into the stables with his boots untied and shirt untucked, very much late.

“Sylvain! You’re late,” Ingrid called from the stall she was cleaning. Sylvain winced internally; he had hoped Ingrid wouldn’t notice.

“Sorry, Ingrid! I misplaced my boots so I had to take apart my entire room to find them,” Sylvain apologized, “And the craziest thing was, they weren’t even in my room! Turns out I somehow left them in Felix’s room. Weird, huh?”

Ingrid laughed as she handed Sylvain a shovel and motioned for him to help her, “I bet Felix was thrilled when you knocked on his door asking for your boots. Did you wake him up?”

Sylvain shook his head, “He was actually helping me look. You should have seen the look on his face when I saw them on his floor. If I hadn’t sprinted out of there, I think I would be missing a few limbs.”

“Felix was helping you look? This early in the morning? Wow, he must really like you,” Ingrid mused.

“Well he tolerates me, that’s for sure,” Sylvain laughed bitterly. Despite their newfound routine, Felix remained guarded around Sylvain. He had tried asking the other boy why he was angry again, but he was just greeted with a scowl and a proclamation that he was dense.

“Hey, don’t say that,” Ingrid scolded, “I know you weren’t around these past four years, but the progress you’re making with Felix is huge. Did you know he wouldn’t even let me come into his room for two years after Glenn? Having Felix warm back up to you in such a short amount of time is unprecedented. Even Annette hasn’t managed to thaw him out as effectively as you have, and she actually has tact.”

“I wouldn’t say he warmed back up to me,” Sylvain said, deciding to ignore the dig to his personality, “He still won’t talk to me about anything. It’s like talking to a brick wall.”

Ingrid cocked her head in confusion, “Oh? How so?”

“He refuses to explain to me why he took that hit for me,” Sylvain sighed, “Every time I ask him he just yells ‘figure it out, idiot’ and then totally shuts down.”

“And you haven’t figured it out?”

“No! It makes no sense! Why would someone put themselves in harm's way just to keep someone else from getting hurt? I wouldn’t have died, but he could have, and he knew that! Why would you sacrifice yourself for someone else knowing that?”

As soon as Sylvain finished speaking, Ingrid began laughing. Sylvain stood there dumbly, watching as Ingrid doubled over in laughter. Her fit lasted for almost a minute, and by the end there were tears appearing in her eyes. She finally had to put down her shovel and lean against the stall’s wall to catch her breath.

“What?” Sylvain asked defensively.

“Sylvain, I realize this may be new territory for you, being your first crush and all--”

“--How did you know that?”

“Really? I’ve known for longer than you. You follow him around like a wounded puppy and you’re constantly seeking his approval. Also, you laugh around him. Like, actually laugh, not that fake thing you usually do.”

“Okay, you got me. But what does my crush have to do with this?”

“It’s made you completely and helplessly oblivious!” Ingrid almost yelled at Sylvain. She looked really frustrated, but he still couldn’t understand why.

“Oblivious to what?”

Ingrid buried her face in her hands, work forgotten behind her, “You’re hopeless. Okay, let me spell it out for you. How do you feel about Felix?”

“I really like him. I think I might love him honestly.”

“Okay, and how would you feel if Felix got injured?”

Sylvain didn’t need to imagine that one. “Like shit.”

“Yeah, but deeper than that.”

“It makes me really fucking upset,” Sylvain decided after a moment of thought, “It hurts me to see him hurt.”

“And what would you do to keep him from getting hurt?”

“Anything.”

“Even something stupid like risking your life to keep him from getting a flesh wound?”

“Fuck.”

“Eloquent as always, Sylvain,” Ingrid sighed, “Do you understand what I’m saying now?”

Oh Sylvain understood alright. “Holy shit, Ingrid. You can’t be serious? There’s no way!” _There’s no way Felix feels the same way about me. There has to be some other explanation that isn’t this. I couldn’t possibly be so lucky._

“Why not? Why can’t you let a good thing happen to you for once?”

“Because I’ll fuck it up!” Sylvain exclaimed, “I don’t know the first thing about long term relationships! There’s no way I would be enough for Felix.”

“Sylvain, look at me,” Ingrid grabbed his shoulders, grounding him, “You don’t get to decide who’s good enough for Felix. He gets to decide that. And if he’s decided that you’re good enough for him as you are, you’re just going to have to accept that you’re worthy of love.”

Sylvain took a deep breath and nodded. After a few moments of processing, he realized what Ingrid had just told him. Felix had feelings for him. He actually had a chance with his best friend. They could do this. They could be _together_.

“Stop standing there smiling like an idiot and get back to work,” Ingrid’s voice snapped him out of his fantasy. 

“Yes ma'am,” Sylvain said with mock formality before turning to his horse’s stall. Somehow, even cleaning stalls was manageable when he considered the possibility of a life with his best friend. 

\---

Even with Ingrid’s advice, Sylvain wanted to wait until he saw proof of Felix’s feelings with his own eyes. His friendship with Felix was just too important to throw it away on Ingrid’s hunch, even if she was crazy observant and knew the dynamics of Felix and Sylvain’s relationship better than anyone else (including Sylvain and Felix, apparently). This plan wasn’t without pitfalls of course, and Sylvain found himself on the verge of confessing prematurely on multiple occasions. 

The most notable one was after a particularly heated sparring session (actually, it was a pretty normal sparring session but everything between Felix and Sylvain seemed to be heated these days). Felix, as always, had Sylvain right where he wanted him with a blade to his throat. Felix looked down at him with his usual expression of mild frustration at Sylvain’s lack of improvement. As he did at the end of every spar, Felix stared Sylvain down and demanded, “You haven’t improved. What do you have to say for yourself?”

Usually, Sylvain had some flirtatious remark or hollow excuse prepared to distract or appease Felix. But not today. No, today he whispered, “I love you” with a voice so feeble even he had trouble hearing it. 

Felix’s eyebrows shot up, “What did you just say?”

Sylvain gave him a crooked smile, hoping it would cover for his obvious misstep, “I said I love your technique. I’m throwing the matches so I’ll get to see it more.” Honestly, it wasn’t that far from the truth. Sure, Sylvain wasn’t necessarily _choosing_ to throw the matches, but he was definitely losing because he was sparring with _Felix_ and not because he was inept. In fact, his other classmates had been complimenting him on his recent improvements.

“Sometimes I wonder if you can hear yourself talk,” Felix sighed as he sheathed his sword, “Please tell me you don’t use those excuses when you train with other people.”

“Nope, I save them for you. That’s how special you are,” Sylvain winked, which caused Felix to blush. The natural order was restored and the crisis was averted.

And then there was the Dining Hall Incident, which Sylvain is positive Ingrid and Mercedes will never let him live down.

Felix and Ingrid were discussing the benefits of studying different weapons simultaneously to become a well rounded fighter. Felix had just gone on an incredibly attractive explanation of interdisciplinary training (which probably came from that book on effective training techniques Sylvain had given him last week) before pausing to take a breath.

Quietly, like a prayer, Sylvain broke the silence with an awed, “I love you.” He couldn’t help it; the way Felix lit up and allowed his voice to speed up and gain confidence while he was talking about something he was passionate about made Sylvain weak.

“I’m sorry, what?” Felix demanded as Ingrid’s mouth fell open in shock and Mercedes choked on her drink.

“I said I love stew,” Sylvain amended frantically, motioning to the meal in front of him that by the grace of the Goddess herself happened to be stew, “I can’t explain why, I’ve just always had a soft spot for...Daphnel stew.”

Felix raised an eyebrow in disbelief. Felix stared into Sylvain’s soul. Felix knew Sylvain was lying. Sylvain hated Daphnel stew.

“Wow, what a coincidence, I love stew too!” Ingrid broke the silence, taking mercy on Sylvain and the dying conversation, “Especially Daphnel stew. The chef really knows how to prepare chicken, doesn’t she?”

“Oh yes,” Mercedes piped up, “And the stew today is even better than usual! I’m so glad you brought it up, Sylvain.”

“If you say so,” Felix shook his head, looking doubtful. At least he seemed reluctant to start a scene. Sylvain spent the rest of his week grooming Mercedes’ horse and Ingrid’s pegasus to thank them. And to buy their silence.

But then one day he saw it, and he knew it was finally time for him to act.

Felix was sitting on Sylvain’s bed as Sylvain was showing him his new riding boots by putting them on and parading around his room. They were very nice boots for sure, but Sylvain cared more about having Felix’s eyes on him. The attention was addicting; the power of Felix’s gaze made Sylvain’s stomach do somersaults and made his face feel warm. Felix usually didn’t look at Sylvain for long periods of time, and when he did he was quick to look away when Sylvain caught him looking.

But today his eyes _lingered_. Sylvain was walking around the room, calling attention to his boots, but Felix’s eyes weren’t on his boots. Sylvain tried his best to keep his breathing under control and act natural as he watched Felix’s eyes travel agonizingly slowly from Sylvain’s boots and up his legs, staying on his ass for longer than could be considered platonic. His eyes continued their slow path upward, until they met Sylvain’s.

“Like what you see?” Sylvain smiled. Not his usual smile for flirting or being cheery, but his true smile because he had definitive proof that his feelings were reciprocated. He was so filled with emotions he had never felt so intensely before: joy, hope, and love. It was so overwhelming it felt like he was going to burst if he didn’t smile or laugh or dance.

“They’re fine,” Felix offered, his voice betraying no emotions whatsoever. The other boy obviously hadn’t realized he had been caught checking his friend out.

“Oh come on Felix,” Sylvain walked over and sat next to Felix on the bed, turning to face him, “I wasn’t talking about the boots.”

“What else could you have possibly been talking about?” Felix asked softly, his eyes growing wide at Sylvain’s sudden proximity. Their legs were touching and their hands were mere centimeters away from each other on the bed, but he didn’t lean away.

“I think you know what I’m talking about,” Sylvain whispered, leaning in ever so closer. 

“No, I don’t,” Felix’s eyes darted down to look at his lips before coming up to meet Sylvain’s again.

“Really, Felix? Playing dumb?”

“I’m not ‘playing dumb,’ I legitimately have no idea what you’re babbling on about.” Felix’s voice was level, but his eyes betrayed him. They were wide and locked onto Sylvain’s like a wild animal stuck in a trap.

“Well then, I guess I’ll have to show you,” Sylvain murmured as he brought his hand up to cup Felix’s face. He allowed his thumb to gently stroke Felix’s cheek as his eyes darted down to Felix’s lips. Every fiber of Sylvain’s being was screaming at him to make his move, so he gathered all of his confidence and he leaned in...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would say I'm sorry, but I try not to lie to people :)


	17. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wasn't sorry about the last chapter, but I am sorry about this one...

Kissing Sylvain was an amazing experience. It felt new and exciting yet comforting and familiar all at the same time. He couldn’t help but lean into Sylvain’s hand and kiss back.

And then Sylvain opened his mouth, and then his tongue was in Felix’s mouth, and then Felix was melting into the other boy because it felt _so good_. Felix moved his hands from where they were resting on the bed to grab on Sylvain’s shoulders, gripping him for dear life and kissing back needy and desperate. Sylvain responded with the same need, as if he had spent years waiting for this moment like Felix had. The redhead moved his free hand from its spot on the bed to rest on Felix’s waist gently. Felix let himself get lost in the sensations. He had been waiting for this moment for so long, had been dreaming of this exact moment for years. He needed it so badly, so he allowed himself this moment of weakness.

But he couldn’t do it. He had to stop. The longer he let this go on, the more it would hurt him in the end.

“Wait,” Felix pulled back abruptly. Sylvain stopped what he was doing, and looked at him confused.

“What’s wrong?” The other boy asked softly, taking his hand off of his waist.

“We can’t do this. We have to stop.”

Sylvain dropped his hand from Felix’s face and shifted away from him, giving him his personal space. “What do you mean? Of course we can do this.”

“No we can’t,” Felix insisted, scooting even further away from the redhead, “We can’t do this. Not when you’re just going to fuck me and leave me like you do to all of those women!”

“Fe, I--”

“--Don’t call me that! Don’t use that stupid nickname to convince me to have sex with you. I thought you cared about me more than that! I thought _this friendship_ meant more to you than that! You’re always telling me about how I mean so much more to you than your girls, and yet here we are, with you treating me like one of your _conquests_ ,” Felix spat the word, anger boiling up inside of him. To have what he wanted more than anything so cruelly dangled in front of him, just out of his reach was absolutely and completely devastating.

“No! That’s not--”

“--I don’t want to fucking hear it, Sylvain! I don’t want to hear whatever pre-planned speech you give your women when they realize you don’t care about them. Is this all just a game to you? Has this whole thing just been a big buildup to us fucking? Goddess, I bet you’ve been thinking of doing this ever since I came out to you. Newsflash, Sylvain, I don’t want to be your little experiment. Find some other innocent boy to mess around with,” Felix stood up and turned to leave. He had to get out of there before he started crying. There was no way he could let Sylvain know how much he cared about him.

“Felix, wait! I can explain!” Sylvain called after him, but made no motion to stop him. Felix didn’t look back and made sure to slam the door as loudly as possible before stalking over to his room. He threw his door shut and locked it angrily before collapsing on the ground in tears.

He had been so close to dealing with his stupid emotions. He had been dealing with seeing every woman at the monastery on Sylvain’s arm even though it felt like a knife in his heart every time he did. He had been dealing with the flirtatious comments and casual compliments, even though it reminded him Sylvain would never feel anything akin to romantic feelings for Felix. But he could not deal with this. He couldn’t look Sylvain in the eyes knowing his best friend would throw their entire relationship away for sex. He just couldn’t be devalued like that.

So he cried. He cried until his throat all but closed up and his nose was running and his body wouldn’t make more tears. He cried because he didn’t know what else to do. His heart was shattered into a million pieces and he had no idea how to begin picking them up.

\---

He didn’t go to class the next day. Sylvain would probably try to stop him and explain himself, and Felix just couldn’t hear it right now because no matter how shitty Sylvain’s apology was, Felix knew he would take it. Because no matter how angry Felix became or how stubbornly he held a grudge, he still wanted. He wanted Sylvain to hold him and kiss him and tell him he loved him, even if it was all a lie. He wanted to allow himself a moment of bliss in his lonely life, no matter how ephemeral.

He knew he couldn’t stay mad at his best friend (most likely ex best friend now), but he also knew he had to. There was no way he was letting Sylvain walk all over him. Felix didn’t have much left right now, but he did have some semblance of self-respect. So, at least for the time being, Felix was going to have to avoid Sylvain at all costs. It was the only way he could save his broken heart from being irrecoverably shattered.

\---

“Felix, are you okay?” Ingrid’s voice came from the other side of the door a little after dinner time.

“I’m fine, go away,” Felix snapped. He was far from fine--he hadn’t left his room in over a day and his hair was an unkempt mess--but he wanted to be alone.

“Felix Hugo Fraldarius you are not fine. Open the door this instant,” Ingrid said forcefully.

“No. I don’t want to talk to you,” Felix called back.

“Felix if you don’t open this door in the next thirty seconds I’m going to break it down myself,” Ingrid warned.

Felix got up and opened the door, glaring at Ingrid. She was in her school uniform and holding a platter of food. It smelled really good, and Felix’s stomach growled eagerly. He wasn’t in the habit of keeping snacks in his room, so he hadn’t eaten anything substantial all day. Ingrid pushed her way past Felix and Felix closed the door behind her and went back to where he was sitting on his bed.

“You look horrible,” Ingrid observed, “When’s the last time you ate?”

“Dinner last night,” Felix responded, gratefully accepting the food Ingrid handed to him.

“You are such a mess,” Ingrid scolded, “How long were you planning on moping here before you rejoined society?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t have a plan, I just needed to be alone.”

“Yeah, that’s working out well for you,” Ingrid rolled her eyes, motioning to the disarray of both Felix and his room, “You’re even worse than Sylvain.”

Felix flinched at the name, “Did he tell you what happened?”

“No, he’s refusing to talk about it,” Ingrid sighed, “He’s been doing that thing where he pretends everything is fine and is all fake smiles and jokes. He’s completely shut down. It hurts to watch.”

“Yeah, I suppose it would be embarrassing for him,” Felix mused. Of course Sylvain would be reluctant to admit he was rejected by his best friend. Not only would it imply he was bisexual (there was nothing straight people hated more than people thinking they were gay), but it would make him look like he had no game.

“What happened? Why would it be embarrassing for him?” Ingrid pried.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Well too bad,” Ingrid crossed her arms, “You lost that option when you shut yourself in your room all day without telling anyone what was happening. Everyone’s worried sick about you Felix!”

Felix glared at her, but decided to speak, “Fine. I was with Sylvain in his room and then he kissed me and I told him I wasn’t going to have sex with him because I’m not going to be one of his hookups and then I left.”

“Wait, you’re upset because Sylvain did the thing you’ve been wanting him to do for years?” Ingrid looked at him in exasperation.

“No, I wanted Sylvain to ask me out and have a relationship with me. I never wanted something casual with him,” Felix elaborated, feeling a little calmer now he had eaten something.

“What makes you think he wants something casual?”

“You’ve met Sylvain, yes? There’s no way he would want anything serious,” Felix said bitterly. It hurt to say aloud, even if he knew it was the truth.

“But did he say anything to make you think he wanted something casual?”

“No, but--”

“--Felix, you can’t just make assumptions about other people’s motives! Did you let him talk at all?” Ingrid scolded, shaking her head.

“No! I knew he was just going to recite some bullshit about how I’m the only one for him and how we should get married or whatever. You know the kinds of things he tells all those women.”

“What if he was going to say something else? Have you ever even stopped to consider the possibility that reciprocates your feelings?”

“Ingrid, he’s _straight_ ,” Felix pointed out. The idea that Sylvain could feel the same way was too dangerous. He couldn't let himself have hope in a time like this.

“Felix, Sylvain has literally been with guys. He came out as bisexual today.”

“Sylvain did _what_?” Felix exclaimed in surprise. He felt his heartbeat speed up as the hope he had been so carefully suppressing for so long burst forward like water breaking a dam. Was he wrong? Did Sylvain really care about him?

“At lunch today he announced it to our entire class. Not that anyone was surprised, we all saw him talking that guy back to his room a few weeks ago. Well, all of us but you apparently,” Ingrid shrugged as if she hadn’t completely shattered Felix’s worldview. If Sylvain wasn’t planning on using Felix to experiment, why did he kiss him? Could he actually share Felix’s feelings?

“Still. He’s never had a long term romantic relationship and something tells me he isn’t planning on changing anytime soon,” Felix argued, “He was probably just desperate because he hadn’t gotten laid in a few days.”

“Well you won’t know for sure unless you ask him,” Ingrid pointed out, “Although I have to say, that’s a pretty unflattering view of your best friend.” 

Felix shook his head, “It’s called self-preservation. And I’m not asking him. I can’t deal with him telling me that he just wants something casual in person. Please let me keep at least a little bit of my dignity.”

“You would throw out your years of friendship and the possibility of a happy relationship because you’re afraid of embarrassment?” Ingrid asked, unimpressed, “And you think Sylvain is the one who doesn’t value your relationship.”

“Ingrid, please don’t make me talk to him,” Felix pleaded. He was too scared to figure out what Sylvain wanted. Worst case scenario, Sylvain tells Felix he only wants something casual, Felix’s heart is crushed, they stop being friends, and Felix never recovers and never loves again. Best case scenario, Sylvain returns his emotions and now they have to somehow navigate their nebulous new relationship. But that came with its own pitfalls. Could Felix even deal with being happy after he had denied himself happiness for so long? Could Sylvain deal with Felix’s issues for the long term? Could either of them construct a healthy relationship from their broken childhoods?

“Felix, listen to me,” Ingrid looked Felix in the eyes, “You both need closure on this. You can’t randomly cut Sylvain out of your life again. It would destroy him.”

Felix doubted Sylvain could be more destroyed than Felix himself currently was, but he nodded and said, “Fine, but give me time.”

Ingrid nodded, “Try to talk to him by the end of the week. Sooner is better for both of you. I’m serious when I say this is destroying him. Oh, and you’re coming to class tomorrow.”

Felix just nodded. He knew better than to argue with Ingrid.

\---

As promised, Ingrid was pounding at Felix’s door before class to make sure he was up and ready. They walked to class together in silence, Ingrid seeming to sense Felix would need all of his mental fortitude to get through the day.

The morning’s lecture was very uneventful. Sylvain, for his part, seemed to understand that Felix wanted nothing to do with him and was doing his best to avoid Felix, going so far as sitting at the back of the class instead of his usual seat by Felix’s side. After class was over, he quickly made himself scarce, along with Annette who was likely going to interrogate him. It was weird to be in the same room as Sylvain without making eye contact with him or physically touching him in some way (they had taken to pressing their legs flush against each other during lectures), but the distance helped Felix think.

The rest of the class seemed very concerned about the current turn of events, but Ingrid had obviously warned them not to talk to him about it because none of them asked any questions. Even Professor Byleth seemed to understand something was happening because they changed the group tasks so they would be in different groups.

Felix managed to successfully avoid Sylvain for three entire days. It was eating him inside, to see his childhood best friend and not know what he was thinking. Was Sylvain angry at Felix for snapping at him? Was he upset at his emotions being so quickly misinterpreted? Was he relieved he didn’t have to put up with Felix’s caustic personality anymore? 

Felix used those days to mentally prepare for their eventual conversation, so when Sylvain and Felix inevitably had to interact with each other (there were only eight people in their class for Goddess’ sake) he would be ready.

“Hey… Are you still using that book?” Sylvain’s voice came from the other side of the table Felix was sitting at. Felix looked up to glare at Sylvain, who looked ready to run away at any moment.

“Which book?” Felix snapped. The library’s table was covered in books as Felix frantically tried to finish his project. He had planned to finish it the day before, but he wasn’t in the emotional state to focus on combat strategies at all. To be fair, he wasn’t really in the correct emotional state at the moment either, but it was due tomorrow and he was running out of time.

Sylvain motioned toward one of the books, “This one. It’s the only one in the collection.”

“Yeah, I’m done with it,” Felix said as he handed it to Sylvain.

“Thanks,” Sylvain said, beginning to walk away.

“Sylvain,” Felix called after him, causing the other boy to turn around, “I’m leaving my door unlocked tonight.” Felix couldn’t take this weird limbo any longer. He needed closure before the stress killed him. And he really needed to finish this project.

“Okay,” Sylvain smiled faintly and nodded before walking away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Points to the "with a happy ending" and "to lovers" part of the tags* There's a reason the next chapter is coming out tomorrow :)
> 
> As always, thank you for the support! I'm putting you guys through a lot, so it's nice to know you're still enjoying it haha.


	18. The Idiots Finally Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone confused about the timeline, the original kiss happened on Sunday night, Felix skipped class on Monday, this conversation is happening on Thursday, and the project they've been procrastinating is due that Friday (they better hope Byleth grants them an extension lol).

_How does one dress when you’re about to have a best friend breakup?_ Sylvain wondered after he got back from dinner. Felix obviously wanted to talk to him about something, and if their last interaction was anything to go off of it wasn’t going to work out well for Sylvain. Maybe he would at least be allowed to speak tonight.

While he couldn’t really blame Felix for his concerns--as far as Felix knew, Sylvain had only kissed people he didn’t care about--it still hurt that his best friend thought of him like that. Sylvain wanted nothing more than to reassure Felix that he was not in fact trying to use the raven haired boy for sex. Sylvain had once said that Felix deserved to be more than someone’s casual fling, and he stood by that.

After much deliberation, he finally settled on the same outfit he wore when they had that group project all those months ago. Felix wouldn’t know the emotional significance of the outfit, but it reminded Sylvain of when he first considered that his feelings for Felix were more than platonic. Of course, it had taken him a little longer to realize it, but it was still a big moment.

After half an hour of freaking out, Sylvain finally mustered up the courage to walk the twenty steps from his room to Felix’s room. He knew Felix was going to leave the door unlocked for him, but he knocked all the same. He didn’t want to catch Felix off guard and force him on the defensive again.

“I told you it was going to be open, idiot,” Felix called from inside the room. Sylvain chuckled to himself and opened the door to let himself in.

Sylvain stepped into the room to find Felix hunched over his desk. He was putting on a good show of doing homework, but Sylvain knew Felix and he knew that Felix had likely not been able to do anything productive since the library incident either. That was a bad sign for that project they had due Friday, but maybe the professor would grant them an extension due to emotional distress.

“Hey,” Sylvain greeted, closing the door behind him. Felix looked up from his homework, his face neutral. His hair was coming out of his bun in wisps and his sleeves were rolled up to reveal his forearms. He looked so gorgeous it was unfair.

Felix nodded in acknowledgement before walking over and locking the door behind Sylvain. He turned around and leaned on the doorframe with his arms crossed, and Sylvain couldn’t help but let his eyes linger over Felix’s lean frame. They stared at each other for a few seconds. Sylvain didn’t want to speak first and make things worse than they already were, so he waited.

After a long pause, Felix finally spoke, “So Ingrid told me you came out on Monday.”

Sylvain nodded. It seemed like the right thing to do. Even if he never talked to Felix again, he wanted the other boy to know that he wasn’t just using him to explore his sexuality. Felix deserved to know that much.

“I’m sorry,” Felix continued, not meeting Sylvain’s eyes, “I thought… well you know what I thought. But I was obviously wrong.”

“It’s okay, you didn’t know,” Sylvain whispered gently, as if talking too loud would scare Felix off.

“So I want to listen to what you have to say,” Felix said, finally looking at Sylvain. He looked so vulnerable and scared, as if Sylvain was the one about to break his heart and not the other way around.

“Felix, I didn’t kiss you because I wanted to have sex with you,” Sylvain began, taking a deep breath. There was no going back now, but Sylvain was okay with that, “Well, okay, I would definitely have sex with you if you wanted to,” Felix gave him a warning glare, “But that’s not why I kissed you. I kissed you because you’re the most important person in my life and I have feelings for you. I was going to ask you out.”

Felix looked shocked, “You were going to ask me out? Like on a date?”

Sylvain laughed nervously, “Yeah, that’s generally what asking someone out means. Although I was going to ask you to be my boyfriend too.”

“Well you should have led with that, idiot!” Felix yelled, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you kiss someone you actually cared about! How was I supposed to know what that kiss meant? Of course I was going to draw my own conclusions, I’ve been watching you hook up with everyone but me for years! Why would you do that if you had feelings for me?”

A fair question Sylvain didn’t have a great answer for. “Well I didn’t realize I had feelings for you until fairly recently. I thought I was straight for a long time, which is when I started sleeping around. And then when I realized I had feelings for you, I thought it was never going to happen, so I just kept sleeping around for a week or so until I decided I wanted to clean up my act for you last month. I realized that being with all those people was making everything worse for me, and I wanted you to see I could be serious about something.”

“You stopped flirting with girls for me?” Felix asked cautiously.

“Yeah,” Sylvain admitted, “It wasn’t even that hard once I started doing it. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, so I didn’t even want the girls anyways. But please believe me when I say I’m so sorry for sleeping around like that. I can’t even begin to imagine what I put you through. I’m sorry for ever thinking that anyone else could replace you. You are so much more to me than a hookup, and I feel terrible knowing that something I did made you feel devalued like that.”

There was a silence as Felix examined him closely, as if trying to gauge if he was lying. Sylvain’s heart was beating frantically, still unsure if Felix would accept his confession or not. What he was wrong, and Felix didn’t return his feelings? Or Felix did feel something for him, but not with the same intensity, and now he was making a fool of himself?

Finally, Felix spoke, “You said you were going to ask me out four nights ago.”

“Yeah, I did say that,” Sylvain shifted uncomfortably. He hadn’t even sat down since he walked in so he was just standing awkwardly in the middle of Felix’s room.

“Are you going to ask me out tonight?”

“Do you want me to?” Sylvain asked hopefully.

Felix rolled his eyes, “Just ask me, idiot.”

“Okay,” Sylvain said with uncertainty, pausing to gather himself. Felix wouldn’t tell him to ask him out just to reject him, right? Not even Felix would be that mean. “Felix, I really like you and I’ve had feelings for you for longer than even I’ve realized. Do you want to be my boyfriend?”

Felix smiled. He actually _smiled_. Sylvain’s heart melted. Goddess this man was beautiful.

“Yes,” came Felix’s response.

“Yes to what?” Sylvain couldn't help but tease, even in a moment like this. He wanted to hear Felix say those words himself.

“Yes, I’ll be your boyfriend,” Felix said as he walked over to Sylvain. Sylvain met him halfway, tilting his head down to capture the other boy’s lips in a kiss.

It was even better than the first kiss they shared together. It started softly, as if they both believed the other would slip away if they kissed too hard. But then Sylvain moved his hands down Felix’s sides and let them rest on his hips and Felix looped his arms around Sylvain’s neck and the kiss became desperate.

When they finally pulled back for air, Sylvain pulled Felix closer to him, until their bodies were flush to each other. The other boy stared into his eyes, and the beautiful amber took his breath away. Sylvain took the opportunity to dip his lips next to Felix’s ear and purr, “Oh, Fe, you make me so happy.”

In a flash, Felix was pushing on Sylvain’s shoulders, backing Sylvain towards the bed. Sylvain allowed the back of his legs to hit the bed and didn’t struggle as Felix’s arms forced him to sit down. He chuckled as Felix climbed on top of him, straddling his hips. It was cute when Felix tried to take control.

“I need you to understand. _You_ belong to _me_ now. No more messing around with other people,” Felix growled before biting down on his earlobe. Felix’s words combined with the predatory look in his eyes caused all of Sylvain’s blood to go straight to his dick, and he couldn’t help but gasp at the sensation. Sylvain revised his last statement: it was _extremely fucking sexy_ when Felix took control like that.

“Of course I do, I’m yours. I’ve always been yours,” Sylvain whispered close to Felix’s ear. He then moved his hands to Felix’s hair, pulling out the tie that held it back and throwing it on the ground somewhere. He didn’t care where it went, not when Felix’s hair fell down below his shoulders and shone dully in the light of the room. He ran his hands through the younger boy’s hair while he moved his mouth to his neck. He peppered it with kisses before biting down and sucking, earning a strangled moan from Felix.

Then Felix’s fingers were back in his hair and the other boy pulled _hard_ (which was way hotter than should be legal), forcing Sylvain’s head up. Felix placed kisses from Sylvain’s exposed collarbone up his neck before capturing his lips in another kiss. It was desperate and sloppy and so _hot_. Sylvain was already hard, as if this was his first time making out with someone.

Sylvain put his hands on Felix’s hips and shifted their bodies, turning them over and pressing Felix’s hips down into the mattress. He straddled Felix’s hips with his legs and quickly moved his hands from Felix’s waist to his wrists, pinning them to the bed over his head. Felix let out a delightful moan at the action, staring at Sylvain desperately.

Sylvain took a few moments to take in the view. Felix was sprawled underneath him, his hair undone and fanned across the sheets in beautiful chaos. His lips were swollen from kissing and his neck was sporting a bruise from where Sylvain bit it earlier. He was gorgeous.

“Are you just going to stare at me all day?” Felix cocked his eyebrow. It would have come across as sassy if his voice wasn’t breathless and a little hoarse.

“Sorry,” Sylvain apologized, pecking Felix on the lips in apology, “You’re just so beautiful.”

Felix gasped lightly at the words and Sylvain smirked down at him before kissing him again. He moved his hands from Felix’s wrists down his body to where his shirt was tucked into his pants. He started pulling lightly, untucking his shirt and moving his hands underneath the fabric. Felix moaned into his mouth and arched into his touch.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Sylvain jumped, breaking off their kiss before looking at Felix questioningly. The other boy looked just as surprised and confused as Sylvain did.

“Felix, are you in there?” Mercedes’ voice came from the other side of the door.

Sylvain sat up as Felix propped himself up on his elbows. He cleared his throat before responding, “Yeah, Mercedes. What do you need?”

“Oh good! The professor is looking for you. Something about training? They said you would know what that meant. Apparently you’re late,” Mercedes giggled, presumably at the thought of Felix being late for anything training related.

“Shit,” Felix swore under his breath before raising his voice, “Can you tell them I’ll be there in ten minutes? I was just doing my homework and lost track of time.” Sylvain chuckled at the blatant lie and Felix glared at him.

“Sure, no problem!” There was a brief pause, “Oh, also have you seen Sylvain? I know you’re not really talking to him right now but Ingrid’s been looking for him so I thought I’d ask.”

Sylvain turned to Felix and raised an eyebrow questioningly. Felix’s glare intensified and he didn’t break eye contact as he replied, “Sorry, I haven’t seen him. Have you checked the stables? He’s probably wallowing in horse shit.” _Well he’s certainly still Felix_.

“Um, okay then. Sorry for bringing it up. See you later I guess,” Mercedes called. 

Sylvain waited for her footsteps to fade before leaning down over Felix and saying, “Ten minutes? I know how we could put those to good use.”

Felix shook his head and pushed Sylvain off of him, “They’re for getting ready, idiot. I’m not sure if you noticed, but I don’t exactly look ready to train.”

Sylvain laughed, “You always look ready to train. It’s part of your look.”

“Oh really?” Felix asked sarcastically as he got out of bed, “So if I showed up to the training grounds looking like this, you wouldn’t think anything of it at all?”

“Okay, if you showed up to the training grounds like _that_ I would definitely be jealous because it’s pretty obvious someone showed you a good time,” Sylvain conceded, “But then I’d be proud of you because the other guy was obviously extremely hot.”

“Oh, you can tell that just by looking at me?” Felix rolled his eyes.

“Oh yeah,” Sylvain sat up and leaned in closer to Felix, “Because you’re so attractive you could have anyone you wanted. So whoever you were making out with would obviously be the hottest person in Garreg Mach.”

“You’re saying I could have _anyone_ at Garreg Mach?” 

“Easily.”

“Then I want an upgrade. I’m leaving you for Claude,” Felix smirked before taking a step back and re-tucking his shirt.

“Ouch Felix. And after I confessed my feelings to you and everything,” Sylvain said, with no bite to his words.

“Whatever,” Felix sighed, looking around the room, “Also, where’s my hair tie?”

“Do I look like I know?”

“Well you’re the one who took it off, so you should know where you put it.”

“Well, I was a bit _preoccupied_ so I didn’t happen to notice where it ended up,” Sylvain raised his eyebrows suggestively.

Felix groaned, “Why do I have to be stuck with _you_ of all people? That was my last hair tie, so you’re looking for it while I finish getting ready.”

Sylvain nodded before scanning the floor. It took a few minutes before he found the hair tie in question underneath Felix’s desk. How it got so far away was beyond Sylvain, but he held it up triumphantly for Felix all the same.

Felix grabbed it from his hands hastily before gathering his (unfortunately already) brushed hair together to begin putting it back in its bun. Sylvain silently mourned the fact that he was too busy to brush Felix's hair himself. Maybe next time.

“Hey Felix?” Sylvain asked tentatively. 

“What?”

“Can I do your hair?” Sylvain pleaded.

“No,” Felix glared at him. Sylvain pouted, and Felix’s expression softened a little, “You’ve never done it before and I’m in a hurry so I don’t have time to teach you. Maybe next time.”

 _Holy Serios, did he just say next time?_ “Oooh, there’s going to be a next time?”

“I’m your boyfriend. There had better be a next time,” Felix said matter-of-factly, as if referring to himself as Sylvain’s boyfriend wouldn’t kill the older boy.

“As your boyfriend, I promise there will be many next times,” Sylvain promised. It was taking all of his self control to keep himself from grabbing Felix and begging him to skip training and make “next time” right now.

“Predictable,” Felix scoffed as he walked to the door, “How do I look?”

“Gorgeous. Incredibly sexy. Very fuckable. I want to pin you to your door and shove my tongue down your throat so badly,” Sylvain winked, pleased to see a slight blush forming on Felix’s cheeks. Felix should really be used to Sylvain’s flirting by now, but it was probably different now that he knew Sylvain actually meant every word he said.

“I meant, do I look presentable enough to go to the training grounds?” 

“Oh, yeah. You look pretty normal,” Sylvain nodded as he made his way to the door. Despite how close they were, Sylvain wasn’t about to hang out in Felix’s room while the other boy wasn’t there. Oh, and apparently Ingrid was looking for him.

“You still look like a mess,” Felix offered helpfully as he opened the door.

“Well lucky for me looking like I just had a hot make out session with an incredibly attractive boy is kind of my signature look so no one will bother me about it,” Sylvain flirted, delighted with the embarrassed reaction he got from Felix.

“Goodbye,” Felix said unceremoniously.

“Woah, Felix wait!” Sylvain called as the other boy left, “We’ll talk some more tomorrow, right?”

Felix turned around and smiled lightly, “Yes, we will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, that only took 18 chapters! I hope this was as emotionally fulfilling to read as it was to write.
> 
> I might fuck around and post the next chapter on Tuesday; it really depends on my work schedule, which my boss STILL hasn't posted (yay part-time minimum wage jobs). It'll be up by Wednesday for sure though.
> 
> Stay safe out there guys! Please wear masks and keep your distance and all that good stuff <3


	19. Felix's Hickey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to skip the smut it will be pretty obvious where to stop reading and from there you can skip to "What are you doing?"

Felix woke up the next morning with a multitude of emotions. He was ecstatic (which wasn’t an emotion Felix thought he would be capable of feeling, but it was happening) that his best friend and crush for years had admitted to having feelings for him too. He was also nervous; after listening to Sylvain he knew he could trust the other boy not to break his heart on purpose, but what if it happened accidentally? What if he somehow managed to break _Sylvain’s_ heart?

Felix looked at his reflection in the bathroom mirror to steady himself. He didn’t really look like he had just experienced a life changing event the night before. His hair looked the same tangled mess as ever, his eyes and face were the same and… _what was that_?

Right there on Felix’s neck was a _hickey_. It was large and fairly dark and definitely not going to be covered by Felix’s collar. Oh he was going to get Sylvain for this.

What was he supposed to do? There was no way he was going out in public with a hickey on his neck. Sylvain might not have an issue with hickeys (back before Felix’s injury, Sylvain came to class with visible hickeys seemingly every day) but Felix did not want anyone else knowing about his sex life. Not to mention he hadn’t told anyone about Sylvain yet, so there would be questions. There was nothing Felix hated more than questions.

 _Annette._ She was good with makeup, right? And she had been dating Mercedes for over a year and Felix had yet to see a mark on either of them. Surely she knew how to cover hickeys up.

So Felix went to put on his only turtleneck, which was gaudy and didn’t go with his school uniform at all (ironically, the only reason he had it was because Sylvain had jokingly gifted it to him for his eighteenth birthday because “he was legal now” and “he would need it”). After putting the hideous garment on, he made his way to Annette’s room and started frantically knocking on her door.

“Felix! What are you doing here? And _what_ are you wearing?” Annette opened the door, eyes widening at the sight of Felix in front of her.

“Sorry for bothering you, but I have a situation that I need help with, and you’re the only person I could think of who could be of any help,” Felix sighed.

“A situation? What kind of situation?” Annette raised her eyebrows curiously.

Felix sighed and moved the fabric of his turtleneck down to reveal the mark on his neck. Annette gasped excitedly and pulled Felix into her room.

“Ohmygoddessyouhaveahickey,” She squealed, staring at the mark joyously, “When did you get that? Who gave it to you? Was it you-know-who?”

Felix ignored Annette’s stupid “code name” and nodded, “Yeah, Sylvain gave it to me last night.”

“SYLVAIN?!” Annette exclaimed before wrapping her arms around Felix in a hug, “Felix I’m so happy for you! You finally got together!”

“Ouch get off of me,” Felix complained, “And yeah. We did.”

Annette pulled back before wiggling her eyebrows comically, “Soooo… How was the sex?”

“What? We didn’t have sex! We made out for like ten minutes,” Felix protested. Although he had to admit he kind of wished they did. He had been waiting for this for so long, and Sylvain was most definitely amazing in bed. How else could he get all of those people coming back to him when he was such an asshole to them?

“Wow, he gave you _that_ in ten minutes?” Annette looked impressed, “Sylvain knows how to get right to the point.”

“Are you going to help me or not?” Felix asked, changing the subject.

“Yeah, duh!” Annette smiled, walking over to her vanity and pulling out what Felix could only assume was makeup, “You came to the right person! Have a seat and I’ll get this covered up in no time!”

Felix breathed a sigh of relief and sat down where Annette instructed him to. She rolled down the collar of his shirt and started putting something wet on his skin.

After a few minutes of silence, Annette spoke up again, “Was he a good kisser?”

“Do we have to talk about this?”

“Hey! I’m doing you a service. Consider the gossip your payment.”

“Fine. Yes, he was a really good kisser. Definitely the best that I’ve ever kissed, but that’s not saying very much.”

“Yeah, that’s what I would expect. Sylvain is most certainly experienced,” Annette nodded as she worked, “So are you guys like dating together? Or did you just make out for ten minutes?”

“Well I called myself his boyfriend when I left so I sure hope we’re dating,” Felix admitted, “But we haven’t really talked about it. I was late to training so I had to leave quickly.”

“Oh, that’s the worst!” Annette laughed, “But good job, putting yourself out there and saying you’re his boyfriend! I’m so proud. And I’m sure you’ll have time to talk about it soon. I won’t tell anyone else about it until you tell me it’s okay.”

“Thank you, Annette.”

“No problem! Also, I think this is as covered as it’s going to get. You can still see it a little bit, but only if you really look for it. The only ones who will notice are you, me, and Sylvain.”

Felix looked at his neck in the mirror. Where there was once a large red splotch there was now a faint pinkness, as if Felix had recently scratched his neck in one particular spot very vigorously. Only a little suspicious. 

“Okay, I’m going to go and put my uniform on,” Felix said, getting up, “I’ll see you in class.”

“See ya!” Annette sang after him.

\---

Sylvain beamed at him as he sat down next to him in class. “How are you today, beautiful?”

“You gave me a fucking hickey! I had to go to Annette to cover it up,” Felix hissed, hoping no one else would hear him.

“It’s too bad you covered it up. I bet hickeys look insanely hot on you,” Sylvain said, dead serious. He stared at the spot where the hickey was hungrily. Felix blushed furiously.

“What the fuck?” Ingrid whispered from behind Felix as she sat down, “Did I just hear you say Sylvain gave you a _hickey_?”

Felix said “no” at the same time Sylvain said “yes.” Felix turned to glare at Sylvain, who winked at him.

Ingrid glared at them, “Well which is it?”

Felix sighed, “Fine, Sylvain gave me a hickey.”

“I thought you guys were fighting? Sylvain, last night you told me you and Felix hadn’t talked yet and you were pretty sure he was going to kill you if you so much as looked at him the wrong way!” Ingrid looked at them in shock.

Sylvain chuckled awkwardly, running his hand through his hair, “Well I lied. We worked it out.”

“Evidently,” Ingrid scoffed.

“Don’t tell anyone,” Felix said, “We’re still working it out.”

“It sounds to me like you’ve _worked it out_ well enough already,” Ingrid smiled, “But yeah, whatever. Just don’t take too long, okay? I don’t know how much longer either of you can take not dating each other.”

“Oh, we’re definitely dating,” Sylvain corrected.

Felix nodded, “Just figuring out the details.”

“Good for you guys,” Ingrid said sincerely before turning to face the front of the classroom, “Now shut up, I’m trying to listen to Professor Byleth.”

Professor Byleth was talking about battalions, which Felix didn’t find particularly interesting but he knew it was going to be on the test. For someone who was sitting directly next to his long time crush and new boyfriend, Felix was doing a great job listening to the lecture. He really was. His focus didn’t even waver when Sylvain moved his leg to press against Felix’s and leaned his body in just slightly closer. Felix continued to take notes dutifully even when he could feel Sylvain’s eyes on him. The other boy hadn’t even bothered starting a new sheet of notes. Felix mentally cursed Sylvain’s natural intelligence.

But then Sylvain moved his hand to rest on Felix’s upper thigh, just above his knee and Felix was forced to give up on his whole good student act as his breath hitched. He turned his attention from Byleth to his leg, where Sylvain’s hand was comfortably situated. He moved his eyes upward and made eye contact with Sylvain, who smiled and winked. Felix glared back, which just made Sylvain smile even brighter. _When did his face get so close?_ Felix’s eyes instinctively darted down to his lips, which he prayed Sylvain didn’t notice. Unfortunately for Felix’s grade, Sylvain definitely noticed and he leaned in slightly closer.

Felix had to lean back and tear his eyes away, because Sylvain looked like he would unabashedly make out with Felix in the middle of the lecture. Not that Felix would be too upset with that, but it would probably be rude. And Ingrid would definitely kill them.

So Felix reluctantly directed his attention back to Byleth, which Sylvain obviously took offense to because he started rubbing circles on Felix’s inner thigh with his thumb. It felt really nice, and would almost be soothing if Sylvain’s hand hadn’t moved up ever so slightly from where it was originally. Felix swore under his breath, which earned him a glare from Ingrid and a chuckle from Sylvain. This was going to be a long lecture.

\---

After class, Sylvain grabbed Felix’s hand and practically dragged Felix to his room, earning an eye roll from Ingrid and a wink from Annette. If anyone else found it odd, Felix’s glare kept them from saying anything.

Felix expected Sylvain to jump him the second they made it into his room, so he was pleasantly surprised when Sylvain marched him over to his bed and sat them both down next to each other. He stayed a reasonable distance away, and their only contact remained their joined hands. There was a moment of silence as Felix gaped at Sylvain’s actions--or lack thereof--and Sylvain looked at Felix as if he would bolt at one wrong word. To be fair, Felix had done that before, although he had no plans of doing it again.

“So, we should talk,” Sylvain finally broke the silence with an awkward laugh, looking at Felix intently.

Felix nodded. He would much rather skip to the part where they were dating and didn’t have to talk about their feelings, but he supposed it couldn't be avoided.

“As you’re probably aware, I’m pretty new to this whole ‘dating someone you actually want to spend time with’ thing, so this is going to be a learning experience for both of us,” Sylvain began, “I really want to make sure we don’t fuck this up.”

“I think if you’re trying to avoid fucking things up, calling your boyfriend ‘someone you actually like’ isn’t the move. I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to more than tolerate me,” Felix said sarcastically.

“You know that’s not what I meant,” Sylvain protested, “Anyways, what I was _trying_ to say is: I’ve learned a few things from my somehow both extensive and limited dating experience that I think would be helpful, if you want to hear it.”

“You realize that your extensive dating experience was pretty disastrous so maybe we shouldn’t be taking pointers from that?”

Sylvain laughed, “Oh no, I didn’t learn how to have a good relationship, I just learned how to fuck them up. So I figured, if we just do the opposite of that, we should be good!”

It seemed overly simplified, but Felix figured it was worth a shot, “Sure, whatever.” A ringing endorsement from Felix, really.

“Great!” Sylvain beamed, “So step one: Communication.”

“Wow, step one and we’ve already fucked up pretty horribly,” Felix laughed bitterly.

“All the more reason to talk about it first,” Sylvain pointed out, still smiling, “Let’s start simple. What do you want out of this?”

Felix stared at him blankly. Felix had spent so much of his life actively suppressing thoughts involving him and Sylvain dating, so it was weird to be explicitly asked about those fantasies. And even in those fantasies he occasionally allowed himself to indulge in, he never in a million years expected relationship building to be a team effort; he just assumed Sylvain would take the lead and Felix would follow him along.

“I… don’t know,” Felix finally said.

Sylvain didn’t seem convinced, “You, Felix Fraldarius, don’t have _any_ opinions regarding what you want this relationship to look like? Somehow I find that hard to believe.”

“Well then what do _you_ want?” Felix snapped.

Sylvain shook his head, “Nice try, but I’m not telling you until you tell me. I don’t want you to be influenced by what I want.”

“Fine,” Felix conceded. Now that he thought of it, he did actually have a few things he wanted from Sylvain, “I want people to know we’re dating. I especially want all those brain dead girls who follow you around hopelessly to know we’re dating and we plan to be dating for a long time. I don’t want you to flirt with other people. Like, even that joking thing you do with Ingrid and Annette where we all know you don’t mean it. Just stop. I’m tired of it. I want you to hold my hand when we walk down the halls and kiss me good morning and all that other sappy bullshit you did with your stupid girlfriends. And take me on all of those stupid cliché dates you took them on and then spar with me when we get back. I don’t want to have any doubts that you’re mine and I’m yours.”

Sylvain smiled widely and nodded, “Oh I can most definitely do that for you, Fe. Although, I have to say I’m surprised. You don’t really seem like a romantic to me, but I guess we all have our secrets.”

While Felix hated the implication that he was a romantic, he couldn’t really argue that he wasn’t after demanding Sylvain to take him on cliché dates, so he just shrugged, “Well, what about you, Sylvain?” 

“Well at the risk of sounding sappier than you,” Sylvain winked, “I just want to be with _you_. I want you to talk to me about all those feelings I know you have and I want to be able to talk to you about that stuff too. But I also want you to kick my ass at the training grounds and I still want you to yell at me as I drag you to the dining hall so you don’t starve to death. Just, with sex after.”

“You want to talk to me about my emotions?” Felix asked, shocked. He didn’t know the last time someone had explicitly told him they were interested in how he was feeling. It made him feel warm inside and he was dangerously close to smiling.

“Of course! I know it’s hard for you to accept this, but I care about you so much Felix,” Sylvain said before leaning in and kissing him on the forehead. The intimacy of the gesture made Felix blush.

“There’s something I should tell you,” Felix blurted. He had to tell Sylvain about those four years. It was pretty embarrassing that he had been hung up on his best friend for that long, but the man deserved closure. And knowing Sylvain, he would probably find it charming.

Sylvain cupped Felix’s face with his hand and looked at him softly, “You can tell me anything, Fe.”

Felix took a deep breath, “I didn’t talk to you those four years because I had a horrible crush on you and you were always out chasing girls. I couldn’t be rejected by you right after Glenn, so I decided to ignore you instead. I thought if I just ignored you I would get over it. Evidently, it didn’t work.”

Sylvain looked surprised and almost as if he was out of his element. “Fe… How long have you had a crush on me?” 

“You remember that time you fell off that rock and we promised not to die without each other?” Felix asked, averting his eyes. Sylvain was looking at him very intensely, and he just couldn't take it in the moment.

“Holy shit, you can’t be serious! That was like ten years ago!” Sylvain exclaimed, moving his hand from Felix’s face to his upper arm and shifting slightly closer.

“Eleven,” Felix corrected. He could feel his blush spreading across his face. He knew Sylvain noticed.

“Felix, I am so sorry. It must have been so difficult for you to see me running around with all those women like an idiot. I should have realized sooner,” Sylvain apologized. Felix finally looked back to Sylvain. His eyes were wide and his face was almost sorrowful. He obviously felt guilty, which was a new emotion on Sylvain. Felix didn’t particularly like it.

Felix shook his head, “No, you had no way of knowing.”

He expected Sylvain to argue with him, to press the issue more. But instead, he pulled Felix’s body closer to his and caught his lips in a passionate kiss. Felix responded immediately, eagerly letting Sylvain lick into his mouth.

After what seemed like hours, Sylvain moved his face ever so slightly back so Felix could feel the brush of Sylvain’s lips on his own as he spoke, “I guess we’re just going to have to make up for all that lost time.” 

Felix could think of nothing he would rather do more, so he leaned forward and rejoined their lips, kissing with enthusiasm. One of Sylvain’s hands remained on Felix’s hip while the other one made its way to Felix’s hair. After a few seconds of fidgeting, Felix’s hair was free and Sylvain’s hands were running through it. Felix moaned at the sensation.

“You better keep track of my hair tie,” Felix warned Sylvain, but he was so breathless it didn’t sound threatening at all.

“Don’t worry about it Fe, I put it on my wrist,” Sylvain purred. Felix bit down on his lip to hide the moan that Sylvain’s tone forced out of him. Sylvain smirked at him knowingly before pushing on Felix’s chest, encouraging him to lie down fully on the bed. He then moved on top of Felix, straddling him like he was in their last encounter.

“How far have you gone?” Sylvain leaned down to whisper in his ear before kissing softly down his neck.

“I’ve never done anything past making out,” Felix admitted. He wasn’t ashamed of his lack of experience, but knowing just how experienced Sylvain was (and presumably how experienced most of his past partners were) was intimidating. Sylvain hummed in acknowledgement, still kissing Felix’s neck as one of his hands moved to rest on Felix’s hips.

“How far do you want to go?” Sylvain asked, no longer kissing his neck and looking at him intently.

“We haven’t even gone on an official date yet and you’re already trying to get in my pants,” Felix tried his best to sound annoyed despite his growing arousal, “How typical.”

Sylvain laughed before moving up and capturing Felix’s lips in a kiss. Felix moaned into the kiss, moving his hands from where they were resting on the bed to grab Sylvain’s hair.

Too soon, Sylvain was pulling back again, “It’s so hot when you’re snarky but I need a real answer.”

“No sex until you take me on a real date,” Felix responded, looking deep into Sylvain’s chocolate eyes.

“Oh don’t you worry, Fe, I’m going to take you on the best date of your life,” Sylvain smirked down at him. Felix was angry at how hot it was, so he pulled Sylvain back down to kiss him again. Sylvain let Felix guide him down, but quickly took control of the kiss. Felix whined as Sylvain bit at his lower lip. The noise seemed to flip a switch in Sylvain, who began grinding down on Felix. Felix let out a noise that he would never admit to making at the sudden friction and rolled his hips up to meet Sylvain’s.

Felix was so blissed out by the taste of Sylvain in his mouth and the friction over his erection that he didn’t even care that if they continued to rut against each other, he was most certainly going to come. However, Sylvain seemed to have other plans for them, and after a few minutes he pulled away and pinned Felix’s hips to the bed.

“So if I’m not allowed to fuck you,” Sylvain looked down at Felix hungrily and Felix had never been so turned on in his life, “Can I suck you off instead?”

“Can you _what_?” Felix asked, taken aback by Sylvain’s proposition. Felix suddenly felt very out of his element.

Sylvain leaned back on his heels, effectively pinning Felix’s lower legs to the bed, “Can I give you a blowjob? Just thought I’d ask because it seems to me like you have a little _situation_ here,” Sylvain ghosted his hand across the tent in Felix’s pants and Felix whined, “And seeing as it’s kind of my fault I figured I’d take care of it for you. But it’s fine you don’t want me to.”

“But I don’t know how,” Felix protested. He was suddenly very worried that he wouldn't be able to live up to Sylvain's expectations in bed.

Sylvain looked at him, confused, “You don’t know how to get a blowjob? It’s pretty easy, I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it quickly.”

 _Was Sylvain always this dense? Probably._ “No, I don’t know how to give a blowjob.”

“I fail to see how your ability to give a blowjob has any bearing on me giving you one.” Sylvain continued slowly ghosting his fingers up and down Felix’s clothed erection, and it was the perfect, most infuriating mixture of too much and not enough.

“Because I can’t _reciprocate,_ ” Felix looked at the bulge in Sylvan’s pants pointedly, willing him to get his point. 

“Oh, Fe, you don’t have to reciprocate!” Sylvain said, looking shocked that Felix would even suggest such a thing.

Felix raised an eyebrow and looked back at Sylvain’s erection pointedly.

“Don’t worry about me, I promise I’ll be fine,” Sylvain winked before leaning down to whisper lowly in Felix’s ear, “Just let me make you feel good, Fe.”

At that moment, there was nothing Felix wanted more than for Sylvain to suck him off, so he nodded, “Okay.”

Sylvain beamed down at him as if Felix had just told him crests no longer existed before kissing him briefly on the mouth. Sylvain’s hands wandered down his body to untuck his shirt, before moving back up to the top button. As Sylvain unbuttoned his shirt, he left kisses down his chest and abdomen, pausing occasionally to nip him gently. Felix was mortified by the sounds that escaped his lips, but there was nothing he could do to stop them.

After Felix’s shirt was unbuttoned, Sylvain let his hands hover over Felix’s pants and looked up at him questioningly, as if looking for reassurance again. Felix nodded, not breaking eye contact with Sylvain’s dark eyes. Sylvain smiled at him reassuringly before unbuttoning Felix’s pants and pulling them down past his knees, along with his underwear. Felix gasped at the sudden cold, which caused Sylvain to laugh.

Felix assumed Sylvain would go straight to work, but instead he started kissing Felix’s inner thigh gently. Felix was about to tell Sylvain to get on with it, but Sylvain bit down on his leg and whatever Felix was about to say turned into a needy moan. Mortified, Felix moved his hand to cover his mouth.

Sylvain pouted at him and gently moved Felix’s hand away from his mouth, “I want to hear those beautiful noises you make, Fe. I want to know how good it feels.”

Felix rolled his eyes at him and mumbled “insatiable” under his breath, but he made no move to return his hand to its original position.

Satisfied, Sylvain finally directed his attention to Felix’s erection, letting his tongue dart out to lick the tip playfully. Felix whined in response and his hips bucked up involuntarily. Sylvain smiled up at him innocently before pinning Felix’s hips to the bed with his hands.

Without warning, Sylvain took Felix’s cock in his mouth and sank down. Felix moaned pitifully as the heat of Sylvain’s mouth enveloped him. Sylvain bobbed his head up and down, each time sinking even deeper onto Felix’s cock.

 _Of course Sylvain doesn’t have a fucking gag reflex,_ Felix thought before Sylvain swallowed around Felix and every thought was chased out of his head. Felix laced his fingers in Sylvain’s hair desperately, holding on for dear life. Sylvain hummed, seemingly in approval, before taking his mouth off of Felix with a lewd pop.

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” The bastard asked, looking up at him with a shit-eating grin as he jerked Felix off lazily with a hand.

“Fuck you,” Felix glared at him, annoyed with the lack of sensation.

“Maybe later,” Sylvain winked, before holding Felix’s eye contact and slowly licking the underside of his cock. Despite his mouth being busy, Felix could see the pride in Sylvain’s eyes as he moaned some broken version of Sylvain’s name. Felix tightened the hand in Sylvain’s hair, earning him a surprised gasp; a slight falter in Sylvain’s facade.

But then Sylvain was back to focusing on his task, and Felix couldn’t do anything but whine as Sylvain worked magic with his tongue and enveloped Felix with an unimaginable heat. Felix’s hips bucked up hopelessly against Sylvain’s hands each time Sylvain moved, and his fingers gripped onto Sylvain’s hair for dear life, causing the other boy to moan around him.

“Syl, fuck, I’m close,” Felix warned the redhead through labored breaths. In response, Sylvain moved his hands from Felix’s hips to his inner thighs, ghosting his fingernails over the sensitive skin.

It was all too much for Felix, who now had the freedom to buck up into Sylvain’s mouth uncontrollably. He came hard down Sylvain’s throat as he let out a mangled string of curse words and variations on Sylvain’s name, his brain blanking for a few moments.

Sylvain eased himself off of Felix’s softening dick and gently removed Felix’s hand from his hair. Felix took a few deep breaths and propped himself on his elbows before looking his boyfriend in the eyes, “Did you swallow?” he asked weakly, his voice scratchy from use.

Sylvain nodded at him with an expression that said _duh, what else would I have done?_

“Fuck,” Felix swore, collapsing back on the bed dramatically. This man was really going to be the death of him.

Sylvain sat up and stared at him from his position at the foot of the bed, not bothering to hide the hand stuffed down his pants. Belatedly, Felix realized his boyfriend was still painfully hard.

“Come here,” Felix sat up with his back against the headboard before motioning for Sylvain to follow. Sylvain smiled at him brightly before straddling Felix's hips and kissing his neck.

“Was it good for you, Fe?” Sylvain whispered near Felix’s ear, his voice raspy and deep. Felix’s breath caught ever so slightly.

“Obviously,” Felix rolled his eyes lovingly before reaching to undo Sylvain’s pants, “Let me help you out?”

“Fuck,” Sylvain swore under his breath, “Goddess that would be amazing.”

Felix unbuttoned Sylvain’s pants slowly before pulling Sylvain’s dick out of his underwear. He paused, uncertain exactly how to proceed.

Sylvain kissed Felix’s temple lightly, “Fe, anything you do is gonna feel so good I promise. Just touch me like you touch yourself, okay?”

Felix nodded before wrapping his hand around the base of Sylvain’s cock. Sylvain’s breath hitched slightly, which encouraged Felix to slowly start moving his hand up and down. He brushed his thumb over the tip, gathering some precum before spreading it down, easing his hand’s movements.

“Oh fuck just like that,” Sylvain mumbled encouragingly into Felix’s hair. Felix let out a noise halfway between a gasp and a moan at the praise and picked up the pace, delighting in how Sylvain moved his hips and moaned as if Felix was the only one who had ever made him feel that way.

“Shit Fe I’m so close,” Sylvain whined into Felix's ear as he began rolling his hips faster. Felix got the message and moved his hand faster while tightening his grip. Sylvain was babbling incoherent praises that consisted mainly of “so good” and “fuck yes.” Felix should have known he would be talkative in bed. He really liked it.

Sylvain finally came all over Felix’s hand with a shout of Felix’s name. They sat there for a few seconds as Sylvain bathed in his afterglow with his head buried in the crook of Felix’s neck. Finally, Sylvain lifted his head up to meet Felix’s eyes and smiled joyfully.

“Was that okay?” Felix asked hesitantly. Sure, Sylvain came but that in no way meant that Felix lived up to all of the other, much more experienced people Sylvain had slept with.

“Yeah, that was more than okay,” Sylvain chuckled, kissing Felix gently on the lips before moving Felix’s hair out of his face fondly, “Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I came from just a handjob. You have no idea what you do to me.”

Felix nodded and reached out to touch Sylvain’s face, before realizing his hand was covered in come. He scowled at his hand, scandalized.

“Here, let me get you something for that,” Sylvain offered before getting off the bed and tucking himself back into his underwear. He walked over to his dresser and pulled out a small towel before walking back over to Felix and wiping his hand off. He then unceremoniously threw the towel in his hamper, proclaiming, “That’s a problem for later,” and crawling back into bed with Felix.

“What are you doing?” Felix asked as Sylvain tried to encourage Felix to lie back down on his side.

“You don’t want to cuddle?” Sylvain asked, looking up at Felix with wounded puppy dog eyes. Felix shook his head, internally chastising himself for falling for that stupid pout yet agian, before lying down on his side facing Sylvain.

Sylvain pulled Felix closer to him, so Felix’s head was resting on Sylvain’s chest. Felix nuzzled in closer until he could hear Sylvain’s heartbeat. The noise was surprisingly comforting.

They sat there in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. Sylvain ran his fingers absently though Felix’s hair and Felix rubbed small circles on Sylvain’s shoulder blade with his thumb. Felix closed his eyes and sighed contentedly, allowing the warmth to envelop him.

“Hey, Felix?” Sylvain broke the silence.

“Yeah?”

“I know before we started dating you said not to call you any pet names, but now that we’re dating is it different?”

“What kind of pet name?” Felix asked slowly. He wasn’t sure exactly what Sylvain had in mind, but he definitely didn’t want to give him free reign over pet names. The last thing he wanted was the other boy calling him something embarrassing in front of his classmates.

“I don’t have a specific one in mind, but stuff like ‘babe’ or ‘sweetheart.’’

“You want to call me ‘sweetheart’?”

“Only if you’re okay with it.”

“No, you want to call _me_ sweetheart. _Sweet_ heart. Me.” Felix almost laughed at the idea.

“Okay, well it doesn’t have to be sweetheart,” Felix could tell that Sylvain was rolling his eyes without looking at him, “But what about ‘babe’? Oh, or ‘kitten’? Get it, because you like cats?”

Felix hated to admit it, but the idea of Sylvain whispering a pet name in his ear was actually very arousing. Which is why he relented, “Fine, but only when we’re alone.”

“Whatever makes you comfortable, kitten.”

Yeah, Felix could get used to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *casually slides in the fact that Felix is 18 before anything sexual happens*
> 
> Making your characters get together is all fun and games until you have to write fluff and smut instead of angst and pining.


	20. First Date Awe

Sylvain stood in front of Felix’s door and took a deep breath to steady his nerves. It wasn’t like him to be nervous before a date, but this was different. It was _Felix._ Sylvain couldn’t fuck this one up.

Finally, Sylvain gained the courage to knock. After what felt like an eternity, Felix opened the door and Sylvain’s heart stopped at the sight of him.

Felix looked absolutely _stunning_. His hair was in a high ponytail that highlighted just how thick and glossy it was. He was wearing a navy blue sweater with a v-neck and Sylvain could see a light bruise from one of their earlier trysts on his neck. And Goddess, was he wearing _makeup_? He was clearly wearing subtle eyeliner and his lips were just a bit redder than usual.

“Is something wrong?” Felix’s harsh tone cut Sylvain out of his shock, and he realized that they had spent the better part of a minute just staring at each other.

“No, nothing’s wrong, you just look amazing,” Sylvain smiled, willing Felix to know he wasn’t joking, “You literally rendered me speechless for a second.”

“Thanks, Annette forced me to do this,” Felix motioned to his face, “I swear she was about to poke my eye out with that stuff.”

“Well trust me, it was worth it. I think Annette just became my second favorite person. After you, of course,” Sylvain winked before extending his hand for Felix to take. With no hesitation, Felix laced their fingers together and tilted his head up to kiss Sylvain on the cheek. Sylvain smiled down at him, unable to hide the giddy feeling that was slowly spreading throughout his body. He couldn’t remember the last time he was this happy to be on a date.

“So where are we going?” Felix asked, motioning towards the picnic basket in Sylvain’s other hand.

“You’ll see,” Sylvain said dramatically, earning him an eye roll from Felix, “You up for a hike?”

Felix nodded before asking, “What is it with you and wandering through the woods?”

“It’s _romantic_ , Fe. I suppose I wouldn’t expect you to understand,” Sylvain teased before guiding them to the woods at the edge of the monastery. 

It took him a few moments to find the path he wanted to follow. As far as he knew, he was the only one who knew about that particular trail, so it was unbeaten and overrun with plants. You really had to know where it was to find it.

Felix raised an eyebrow when he saw the state of the path. “Don’t worry, I promise it’s worth it,” Sylvain reassured him before leading him into the woods.

Because of the state of the trail, they had to spend most of their focus on where they were stepping and making sure they didn’t walk into tree branches. There wasn’t much conversation between them other than the occasional “watch your step” or “watch your head,” and that was okay. The two of them had never required a conversation to enjoy their time together.

Finally, they reached their goal. Sylvain triumphantly led Felix into the clearing, reveling in Felix’s awed face as he took in the view.

The spot was honestly like something from a storybook. There was a small clearing (large enough for a picnic blanket) surrounded by flowers that gradually gave way to the forest behind them. Right in front of them was a brook, its clear water bubbling happily over small rocks before dropping down in a miniature waterfall.

“What do you think?” Sylvain asked, obviously proud of himself.

“Definitely worth it,” Felix turned to look at Sylvain, his eyes still wide. He looked adorable.

“I hoped you would like it,” Sylvain admitted as he put the picnic basket down and began unpacking, “I was a little worried you would kill me for being too cliché.”

“I can’t kill you for doing something I asked you to do,” Felix reminded him as he helped spread the blanket on the ground before sitting down.

“Okay then, I’m going to push my luck,” Sylvain announced before clearing his throat, “Felix, this view is beautiful but it’s nowhere near as beautiful as you.”

Felix rolled his eyes and elbowed Sylvain’s leg, “Nice try, but I’ve heard you use that one before.”

Sylvain sat down next to Felix and pulled the other boy in for a hug. He held Felix in his arms for a few moments before letting go and kissing his forehead. “Yeah, but I actually mean it with you. It’s not just a line, it’s the truth.”

When Felix met his eyes, he looked skeptical. Sylvain allowed the raven haired boy’s eyes to scan over him, willing the other boy to pick up on his sincerity. He couldn’t blame Felix for being untrusting; they both had histories that made this difficult. He knew that convincing Felix of his absolute adoration was going to be a long process. Sylvain was most certainly willing to wait.

Finally Felix nodded slightly, before changing the subject, “So what food did you bring us? It better not be that sweet bun bullshit they keep on serving.”

“Fe, I’m offended that you think I would try to feed you that,” Sylvain said with mock horror, “Do you have no faith in me?”

Felix smiled lightly, “The fact that you’re refusing to tell me what you brought is making me suspicious, _Syl_.”

Was it possible to fall in love twice? Because the combination of Felix’s smile and his use of Sylvain’s childhood nickname (with his signature mocking tone, which somehow made it better) was certainly sending Sylvain spinning.

“Well, there’s no need to be suspicious. I had the chef make your favorite!” Sylvain announced before opening the basket to reveal Felix’s favorite meat pies. Felix looked at the food excitedly, and Sylvain knew the week of dish duty he bribed the chef with was worth it. The look on Felix’s face reminded of when they were kids and Felix wasn’t afraid to show emotions.

“Wow, that actually _is_ my favorite,” Felix said, obviously caught off guard. Sylvain wasn’t sure why Felix was so impressed. It’s not like Sylvain had just handmade him a sword or anything, he just remembered his best friend’s favorite food. It seemed pretty standard to give your date food they liked.

“Yeah, of course it is,” Sylvain laughed as he passed Felix his meat pie, “Why are you so surprised?”

“I don’t know, I guess I just wasn’t expecting you to put that much thought into this,” Felix admitted before taking a large bite.

 _Oh so that’s what he’s worried about,_ Sylvain realized. Of course Felix would expect him to be a distant and relatively uncaring lover. Of course Felix would expect Sylvain to treat him how he treated all of his past lovers. Of course Felix was afraid he would just become another one of Sylvain’s women. The other boy had said it himself, after all.

“Oh you have no idea just how much thought I put into this,” Sylvain reassured him, “Do you know how long it took just for me to settle on a location?”

“I don’t know, like five minutes?” Felix guessed before taking another bite. Sylvain didn’t know how Felix managed to eat something so spicy so fast, but that just added to the enigma that was Felix.

Sylvain shook his head, “Try five hours.”

“You can’t be serious,” Felix said, eyes widening in surprise.

“I’m dead serious. You know how you complimented me for taking notes on Friday?” Felix nodded. “Well, I wasn’t taking notes. I was making pros and cons lists for my different date ideas.”

“You’re fucking kidding.”

“I promise I’m not lying! I’ll show you my notebook when we get back!”

“Okay I believe you,” Felix laughed at how animated Sylvain had become during their brief exchange, “So what made you decide on this? Did it have a high success rate with your women?”

Sylvain shook his head, “I’ve never taken anyone else here. Based on the state of the path, I’m pretty sure I’m one of the only people who even knows this place exists.”

“How did you find it then?”

“Sometimes when I’m stressed I like to wander in the woods. There’s just something about being alone in nature that really helps calm me down,” Sylvain admitted, “So one day I was _really_ stressed. I think it was after we fought for the first time? Anyways, I was wandering off the beaten path and I stumbled on this place. And it was so gorgeous so I just sat down and closed my eyes and listened to the waterfall for a while and it really helped distract me from the mess that was my life.”

“So this is like your happy place?” Felix asked.

Sylvain nodded, “Yeah. After I found this place I kept coming back whenever I needed to be alone. I briefly considered bringing people on dates here, but I never found someone I thought I could trust enough to see this part of me. I knew that whoever I brought back here would have to be special.”

“So I’m… special?” Felix asked slowly. He looked so unsure of himself, almost as if he had walked in on something he shouldn’t have.

“Goddess, Felix, special doesn’t even begin to describe what you mean to me,” Sylvain vowed as he scooted closer to Felix and cupped his jaw gently with a hand, forcing the other boy to make eye contact. He was going to force Felix to receive this compliment if it was the last thing he did.

“You’re very special to me too,” Felix said after a long silence, “But please don’t say things like that.”

“Why not? It’s the truth, and I want you to know.”

“Because if you keep saying things like that I’ll cry and mess up Annette’s makeup!”

Sylvain burst out laughing, moving his hands from Felix’s face to cover his own. How could Felix be concerned about _makeup_ at a time like this? It was such a Felix concern that Sylvain couldn’t help but find it endearing.

Felix was not pleased with Sylvain’s outburst, “Don’t laugh at me! She spent all this time doing it. Think of how annoyed she would be if she found out I messed it all up.”

“Felix,” Sylvain put one hand on the other boy’s shoulder as he pouted at him, “Did you ever consider that Annette _intended_ for her makeup to get messed up by the end of the date?”

Felix’s eyes widened and a violent blush spread across his face. As if realizing how intensely he was blushing, Felix looked away and moved his hands to cover his face. Sylvain had always loved how easily Felix got flustered, and in this situation it was especially endearing. 

However, Sylvain didn’t allow himself to bask in the cuteness of his boyfriend because he didn’t want to make Felix pressured about anything. Just because Felix had implied that they would have sex after their first date doesn’t mean he meant it that way, or that he still wanted to. Sylvain was willing to wait to have sex with Felix for as long as it took for the other boy to be ready.

“Not that Annette’s expectations for this date should have any bearing on what we actually do,” Sylvain amended quickly. He didn’t want Felix thinking he was only there for sex, after all.

“No, of course not,” Felix agreed, still refusing to look Sylvain in the eyes. Sylvain made a mental note to dial back his innuendos around Felix. Which was too bad, because he had some pretty good ones.

“Hey, remember when I thought you had a crush on Annette?” Sylvain asked, trying to change the subject and lighten the atmosphere.

“Unfortunately. You were such an oblivious idiot,” Felix said, predictably jumping at the chance to mock Sylvain.

“Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t scream at me for being so oblivious back then. You must have been at your wit's end,” Sylvain continued.

Felix shrugged, “I’m always at my wit’s end when it comes to you. It comes with the territory.”

“Yeah, but you love it,” Sylvain said as he winked at Felix.

“Yeah, I do,” Felix admitted, smiling shyly at Sylvain before breaking eye contact and going back to eating his meat pie.

They chatted casually as they finished their meals. Sylvain told Felix about how he overheard Tomas saying the library was getting a new shipment of books about foreign sword techniques, which made the other boy light up. In turn, Felix asked him for advice on how to best begin studying Reason. Turns out Felix was more interested in magic than he had previously let on.

They lost track of time as they sat there, enjoying each other’s company and the relaxing atmosphere. At some point, Felix had migrated from his spot across Sylvain to next to him, and now the younger boy’s head was resting on his shoulder. Sylvain was lazily entwining his hand with Felix’s as he joked about something Professor Byleth had said during their last mission.

Felix laughed with him honestly and openly, and Sylvain realized just how far they had come. Just under six months ago, Felix would barely even look at Sylvain, let alone laugh in front of him. Overcome with emotion, Sylvain leaned down and kissed Felix.

If Felix was caught off guard by the action, he didn’t show it as he opened his mouth and leaned into Sylvain’s kiss. The kiss was lazy and unhurried, as if they had all the time in the world. When they finally broke away, Felix slung his legs across Sylvain’s legs, wrapped his arms around Sylvain’s neck, and rested his forehead on Sylvain’s shoulder. Sylvain wrapped his arms around Felix’s midsection, pulling him into a tight embrace.

“I love the sound of your laugh,” Sylvain said, breaking the comfortable silence.

Felix tilted his head to look Sylvain in the eyes, “You know you don’t have to seduce me. You already have me.”

“Okay, first off, that wasn’t seductive, that was just a genuine observation,” Sylvain argued, “If I was actively trying to seduce you I would tell you how the way you move when you fight takes my breath away and how the way you look at me makes me melt every time, without fail. Which I will tell you, just not right now.”

“But you don’t need to tell me you’re attracted to me. I know that already.”

“Fe, I _want_ to seduce you. You deserve to be seduced. Just like you deserve to be told how beautiful and inspiring and perfect you are every day until you get tired of hearing it.”

“I think that is the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard you say,” Felix noted, smiling up at Sylvain fondly.

“But it’s true,” Sylvain insisted, “And you deserve to hear it. Don’t you ever want reassurance that the people around you truly like you?” Sylvain needed outside reassurance much more than he cared to admit, but it was just now occurring to him that maybe he was weird. Did other people not live off of compliments?

Felix shrugged, “Well I’m such an asshole that I pretty much know that the people who spend time with me actually like me. Why else would any of you stick around? It’s not like you’re keeping me around to inflate your ego.”

“We could be keeping you around because you’re nice to look at,” Sylvain suggested.

“I’d have to be really fucking hot for that to be the case.”

“I suppose that’s true,” Sylvain mused, “Although you are really fucking hot. But that’s a mere footnote on your list of good traits.”

“Oh, there’s a list now?”

“Not a physical list. I would run out of paper if I tried to write it down.”

“Obviously,” Felix said sarcastically.

“Ah, sarcasm. That’s high on the list,” Sylvain winked.

Felix just sighed in response before tightening his arms around Sylvain. They fell into another comfortable silence. Sylvain watched as the shadows around them grew longer and the sun gradually began to set. That night’s sunset was underwhelming and left much to be desired, but Sylvain didn’t mind. It’s not like he would have been looking at it anyway with Felix practically sitting in his lap.

“I need reassurance,” Felix said as the moon appeared in the sky.

“What?”

“You know, that thing you said earlier about needing to hear good things about yourself so you know people actually like you. I didn’t really answer your question, but sometimes I do. It’s nice to be complimented,” Felix elaborated.

“Yeah, I know. I’m glad you like it,” Sylvain responded, holding back a laugh. _Yeah, you_ really _like to be complimented,_ the voice in Sylvain’s head wanted to say, _Don’t think I don’t notice how you react when I compliment you in bed. You’re not subtle._

“And I like spending time with you,” Felix continued, oblivious to Sylvain’s internal monologue, “I’m not keeping you around for your looks or whatever. You make me feel happy.”

“Really?” Sylvain asked, taken aback by Felix’s sudden openness. Felix almost never gave compliments; he was the kind of person who insulted you when you did things he didn’t like and made no comment when you did something he liked. The sooner you learned Felix wasn’t going to compliment you, the better your relationship with him became. It’s not that Sylvain didn’t know Felix thought these things, it was just that Felix himself rarely said it.

“Yes, so feel reassured.”

“Thank you, Felix. That means a lot,” Sylvain admitted as he leaned down to kiss Felix’s temple.

They sat there for a while longer, as the sky darkened and the stars came out. Sylvain used to spend long nights in this clearing, looking up at the stars as his mind raced with thoughts about his life, about how things could have gone differently if he had just been born without a crest. But now that Felix was here, Sylvain’s mind could be quiet.

“Do you still know the constellations?” Felix asked.

“Do I still know the constellations?” Sylvain echoed, caught off guard. It was true that Sylvain had always been in love with the stars, but he hadn’t talked about that particular passion for years. It wasn’t in his parents vision for a perfect heir, after all.

“When we were kids, you used to point out the constellations and tell me their meanings,” Felix elaborated, nostalgia evident in his voice, “Do you still remember them? I can’t anymore.”

Now that Felix had mentioned it, Sylvain did remember the nights they would spend stargazing as kids. Sylvain remembered when he found his first astrology book in his parent’s library and he brought it with them, excitedly reading the stories to Felix as they searched for the stars in the sky. After that first night, he had made it his goal to memorize as many constellations as possible.

“Yeah, I think I remember most of them,” Sylvain looked to the sky. It was a clear night, and the stars were bright above them.

“Help me remember?” Felix asked.

“I thought you didn’t like the constellations? You always complained how the stars didn’t look like their names,” Sylvain remembered. He had many memories of consoling a younger Felix because that cluster of stars didn’t look like the mighty king or mythical creature they were named after.

Felix detached himself from Sylvain and scooted slightly farther away so he could look the other boy in the eyes, “Make no mistake, constellations are stupid. But when I was little, I would look at them when you were gone. When I could find a constellation, it was like you were there with me. When I tried to get over you, I forgot them. I want to remember them.”

Sylvain smiled brightly. That was so incredibly sweet. He could imagine a young Felix, desperately trying to identify the constellations without him.

“Well then, allow me to remind you,” Sylvain offered, before lying down and beckoning Felix to lie next to him. The younger boy lied down on his side so he could rest his head on Sylvain’s chest and entwine their legs. Sylvain did his best to point out the constellations they looked at as kids and explain their stories. Felix listened intently, as if he really did plan on re-memorizing all of the constellations. Sylvain could feel his heart swelling.

They stayed in the clearing for much longer than Sylvain had intended, looking up at the stars and sharing old childhood memories. And as Felix took the time to actually listen to Sylvain’s interests and try to share them, Sylvain fell deeply and irrevocably in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk why writing fluff is such a struggle for me but it is. It took me like two days to write/edit "Sylvain Sucks at Sparring" but this chapter literally took me a month. But I'm really happy with how it turned out so I guess it was worth it!
> 
> As always thank you guys for the kudos and comments! The support for this fic has been amazing :)


	21. ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure you guys know what's coming... 
> 
> This is just smut. Please enjoy Annette's makeup being ruined.

They finally made their way back to the monastery with Sylvain’s arm draped over Felix’s shoulder. Sylvain rambled on about some new lance technique he was planning on learning. Felix appreciated his choice in subject, but he was more focused on the way their bodies slotted together and the smell of warm honey coming from Sylvain’s hair.

When they reached the dorms, Sylvain stopped awkwardly. For a few moments, they just stood there, silently, as Sylvain absently allowed his fingers to stroke Felix’s arm.

“What’s wrong?” Felix asked. It was unlike Sylvain to be quiet about anything. Did he somehow fuck up the date without realizing it? Was Sylvain expecting some kind of bold proclamation of love? Or worse, was he preparing to _give_ a bold proclamation of love?

“Oh, nothing’s wrong, it’s just...” Sylvain hesitated, giving him a small smile, “...do you want to come back to my room?”

_He’s trying to be considerate,_ Felix realized. It was kind of cute, how Sylvain was looking at him as if one wrong move would scare him off. As if he hadn’t sucked Felix’s dick earlier that week. As if Felix hadn’t been thinking about “coming back” to Sylvain’s room for years.

Felix nodded, “Of course, idiot.”

“Nice,” Sylvain visibly relaxed as he beamed at Felix. Felix elbowed him gently for the sheer stupidity of his response, and Sylvain bent down to kiss his cheek lightly before ushering them over to his room.

They separated so Sylvain could unlock the door, Felix leaning against the wall lazily and gazed at Sylvain as he jiggled his key in the lock. The door was old and sometimes the key needed convincing to fit. Felix could feel the anticipation in the air, threatening to suffocate him. He wondered if Sylvain felt the same. Judging by the way Sylvain’s eyes weren’t on the lock but instead on Felix’s body, he did.

Finally the door was opened and they made their way inside. Sylvain closed the door behind him, and Felix heard the click of the lock. The sound was deafening in the awkward silence they had created.

Felix stood in the middle of Sylvain’s room, staring at the older boy who remained in the doorway. Sylvain, for once, seemed unsure how to proceed. It was very strange; Felix was expecting to be dramatically swept off his feet and swiftly fucked into the mattress the instant they made it inside.

Finally Felix decided he was done waiting for Sylvain to make a move and he marched back into the doorway before pulling Sylvain down into a kiss. It was relatively short and chaste--less of an act of desire and more of a reminder to Sylvain that he wanted this too. The kiss seemed to do the trick, and Sylvain smiled down at Felix when they seperated and cupped his cheek with his hand.

“Hey, Fe, can I braid your hair?” Sylvain murmured quietly. If Felix wasn’t focused entirely on Sylvain, he might have missed it.

“You want to braid my hair?” Felix asked, confused. He was expecting a much lewder request.

Sylvain looked at him fondly as he began stroking Felix’s cheek with his thumb, “If you’re okay with it then yeah. I love braiding your hair.”

“You don’t like the way I have it now?” Felix quipped.

“No! Goddess, it looks amazing right now,” Sylvain’s eyes widened at the accusation, “I just really want to run my fingers through your hair. Please let me?”

How could Felix say no to a request like that? He nodded before grabbing the hand that was on his cheek and intertwining their fingers. He guided Sylvain over to the bed and kicked his shoes off. Sylvain seemed to get the hint and crawled up on the bed, kneeling with a space in between his thighs for Felix. Just like all those massages.

And just like all those massages, Felix settled in between Sylvain’s legs comfortably and with not nearly enough protest to uphold his reputation.

Felix felt a light tugging and then his hair was down, falling past his shoulders. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in relief. The ponytail was getting a little uncomfortable and it felt nice to have it down.

Sylvain began tugging on his hair lightly, smoothing his hair out and working out the knots. Felix allowed his head to be pulled with his hair until he was almost resting on Sylvain’s shoulder. This had to be an awkward angle for Sylvain, but that didn’t seem to stop him from lazily running his fingers through Felix’s hair.

“You’re so gorgeous,” Sylvain whispered as he leaned down to kiss the top of Felix’s head. Felix melted at both the compliment and the action and leaned back until his head was completely resting on Sylvain’s shoulder.

“Shut up,” Felix said, with absolutely no bite to it. In fact, the way he said it could almost be described as loving.

“It’s true,” Sylvain paused to press his lips on Felix’s temple and moved a hand to cradle Felix’s jaw, “I can never stop looking at you. No matter where we are. I just can’t help myself, you’re too damn beautiful.”

It was a lot for Felix to take in. He wasn’t really used to receiving compliments, and Sylvain was speaking with such sincerity it was making Felix’s head spin.

“Maybe that’s why you’re shit at sparring,” Felix suggested, “You need to actually pay attention instead of staring at me.”

Sylvain chuckled lowly, “I don’t mind losing a few matches if it means I can look at you.”

Felix tilted his head back slightly to make eye contact with Sylvain. He was still smiling casually but his expression was darker, more intense. _Full of desire,_ Felix realized with a jolt as heat began pooling beneath his stomach. Felix wanted it too. He moved his hand from its position on Sylvain’s thigh and rested it on the back of Sylvain’s neck, applying light pressure to get him to lean closer.

Sylvain understood what Felix wanted immediately and leaned in the rest of the way, capturing his lips in a heated kiss. It wasn't as consuming as the last time they had done something like this, but there was an urgency that left Felix’s mind spinning. Sylvain expertly ran his tongue across the roof of his mouth, causing him to gasp and lean back into Sylvain’s body.

They separated and Sylvain began kissing his way down Felix’s neck, occasionally nipping lightly. Felix tangled his hand in Sylvain’s hair, not hard enough to pull but firm enough to ground him.

Sylvain allowed his hands to fall from Felix’s face in favor of running down his body lightly and resting over his thighs. As he gave the juncture of Felix’s neck and shoulder a particularly hard bite, he moved his hands down slightly, encouraging Felix to spread his legs. Felix whined at the sensation.

“You sound so hot,” Sylvain’s voice came near Felix’s ear. He bit the shell of his ear lightly. Felix could only moan in response.

Sylvain’s hands had moved from their spot on his thighs to his sweater, pulling it up slightly. Felix understood and lifted his hands as Sylvain removed his sweater completely before flinging it somewhere on the floor. Felix didn’t care where it went, not when Sylvain’s warm hands were trailing lightly across his exposed skin.

“You know, I was right,” Sylvain said as he traced a pattern across Felix’s back.

Felix leaned into his touch. “Right about what?”

“Your scar is _insanely_ sexy,” Sylvain said playfully, “And your boyfriend is extremely lucky.”

“Yeah, he is,” Felix sighed contentedly as Sylvain began running his hands up his sides. Then the older boy leaned in and they were kissing again, even more aggressively than the last kiss. Felix could feel the heat pooling beneath his abdomen as Sylvain bit his lower lip lightly.

Then Sylvain was pulling away and shifting back onto the bed. Felix glared at the other boy as he tugged on Felix’s waist lightly, encouraging Felix to follow him. How dare he interrupt the moment.

Sylvain smiled again and rolled his eyes fondly, “Hey, don’t be like that. It’ll be better like this, I promise.”

“It better be,” Felix responded as he crawled over to Sylvain’s spot on the bed. Sylvain put his hands on Felix’s hips and guided him to straddle his legs. Now they were staring at each other head on, and Felix didn’t have to twist his neck awkwardly as he leaned in for another kiss.

His angle was much better now and he was actually able to slip his tongue into Sylvain’s mouth. The redhead made a surprised noise at Felix’s forwardness, but that soon gave way to a moan as Felix kissed him deeper.

When they broke apart for air, Sylvain was smirking at him, “See? Isn’t that better?”

“Shut up, bastard,” Felix responded. He leaned down and sucked a mark high on Sylvain's neck. _He definitely won’t be able to cover that up with his uniform,_ Felix thought smugly. Something about the thought of Sylvain walking around with the hickeys Felix gave him was really turning Felix on.

“That’s going to be hard to cover, kitten,” Sylvain gasped, his smug composure shattered.

Felix kissed the bruise lightly before kissing Sylvain on the lips. “That’s the point.”

“Fuck,” Sylvain swore before deepening the kiss. Felix tugged eagerly at the hem of Sylvain’s shirt. Getting the message, Sylvain pulled back as he removed his shirt, flinging it unceremoniously somewhere off the bed. Felix took a moment to really look at Sylvain. He’d seen Sylvain shirtless a few times since they’d come to the monastery, but not in this context. Felix could finally really look at him and the broad expanse of his shoulders and his strong chest and his toned abdomen. He ran his hands thoughtfully across Sylvain’s shoulders, feeling his muscles shift under his touch.

“Like what you see?” Sylvain was smirking again. And after Felix had tried so hard to break his composure too. Bastard.

“It’s okay I guess,” Felix tried to keep his voice noncommittal, but everything about his tone said _fuck yes you’re so hot._ Sylvain took mercy on him and decided not to mention his obvious lie, instead pulling him back down for another kiss.

Felix kissed back eagerly until the hands on his waist urged his hips down. They both gasped as their cocks rubbed against each other. Even through their clothing the friction was addicting. Felix rolled his hips down as Sylvain rolled his hips up. Felix buried his head in Sylvain’s neck as he moaned. As comfortable as he was around Sylvain, he still felt a little exposed when it came to expressing his pleasure.

They quickly found a rhythm that left them both gasping. Sylvain’s hands wandered from their place on Felix’s hips down his thighs before stroking up again and grabbing his ass. He kneaded lightly at the flesh, and Felix pushed his hips back into the touch. Then his hands were moving forward, hovering at the lacings of Felix’s pants.

“Is this okay?” Sylvain asked, his voice low and deep.

“I’ll tell you if you do anything I don’t like,” Felix confirmed in his own way.

Sylvain hummed in understanding as he began to work on Felix’s laces. They then tried to pull his pants off, but their position and general desperation was making it near impossible. Finally, Felix gave up and rolled off of Sylvain before taking off his pants and underwear the rest of the way. By the time his attention was focused back on Sylvain, the other boy was naked. Felix let his eyes wander down Sylvain’s toned abdomen and to his hard cock, already leaking with precum. He bit his lip as he realized that Sylvain was hard because of _him_.

Sylvain cocked an eyebrow, “I’m glad you find me so visually appealing, but we can’t do anything if you stay over there.”

“You’re such an arrogant bastard,” Felix rolled his eyes as he moved to straddle Sylvain’s hips once again. This time, he could feel every point of searing skin-on-skin contact. The feeling of Sylvain’s skin on his own was addicting, and he wanted more.

Once back in their original position, Felix leaned down for another kiss. This kiss was fast and frantic as both of them became more and more desperate. Sylvain’s hands returned to their exploration of Felix’s ass, kneading at the exposed skin more intensely now. Then one of his hands trailed inward, toward the space in between his cheeks.

“Have you ever touched yourself down here?” Sylvain asked, his voice still calm and level despite his obvious arousal which was now sliding against Felix’s, aided by their precum.

“No,” Felix admitted, feeling a flash of embarrassment mix with the feeling of arousal as he realized the implications of the statement.

“Mmm,” Sylvain hummed in acknowledgement, “Can I finger you?”

“Well one of us is going to have to do it if we want to do this,” Felix pointed out, trying to hide his nerves. He trusted Sylvain not to hurt him, but this was still a very new and overwhelming experience.

“We don’t have to tonight if you don’t want to,” Sylvain reminded him gently as he moved one of his hands up to stroke Felix’s side soothingly, “There’s other things we can do. Or you could fuck me.”

“No, I want it like this,” Felix said firmly, pulling his head back to look Sylvain square in the eyes. Although the idea of fucking Sylvain was extremely arousing, most of his fantasies centered around the other boy fucking him.

“Okay,” Sylvain smiled at him before reaching for his dresser and pulling out a vial and a condom. He put the condom next to them on the bed and then uncapped the vial. Felix watched as Sylvain poured oil onto his fingers and rubbed them together to warm it. The sight sent a shiver of anticipation down Felix’s spine.

“So it’s going to be uncomfortable at first, but I’ll make it up to you later,” Sylvain winked at Felix, and it was so ridiculously Sylvain that it helped dissolve some of Felix’s nerves, “Let me know if I’m hurting you.”

“Don’t worry, if you hurt me you’ll know,” Felix assured him.

Sylvain slowly dropped his hand down to Felix’s hole. Felix gasped slightly as he felt a finger rub against his entrance gently.

“Just relax baby,” Sylvain said lowly in his ear, “I’m going to make you feel so good.”

Then Sylvain’s finger was pressing inside him, gently but firmly. Sylvain was right; the intrusion felt strange and foreign but it didn’t hurt. He fought to suppress a whine as Sylvain’s finger began moving slowly inside of him. It didn’t feel good or bad; it just felt strange.

“Shhh, I got you,” Sylvain soothed, his mouth pressed against Felix’s hair, “You’re doing so good for me.”

Felix moaned quietly at the praise as he felt his body relax more. He looped his arms around Sylvain’s shoulders and leaned his body weight on his broad chest. Sylvain’s finger was meeting less resistance now, and the sensation could almost be described as pleasant.

“I’m going to add another one,” Sylvain informed him, his voice calm and reassuring. Felix felt a second finger prodding at his entrance as Sylvain began to kiss down his neck. Sylvain bit down on Felix’s collarbone as he pushed his finger entirely into Felix. The pleasure from the feeling of Sylvain’s mouth on him helped distract from the stretch of the second finger.

Sylvain paused for a few seconds, allowing Felix to adjust to the sensation, before slowly scissoring his fingers. Felix tensed up at the new motion, before relaxing as Sylvain ran his other hand down the expanse of his back and shushed him comfortingly. Sylvain varied the pattern of his fingers, sometimes thrusting in and out slowly and sometimes pushing out on Felix’s walls gently.

Then Sylvain’s fingers hit just the right spot and Felix was moaning into the crook of Sylvain’s neck, unable to hold back as a wave of pleasure pulsed through him.

“Oh? Does that feel good?” Sylvain teased as he pushed his fingers in again, hitting that same spot.

“Shut up,” Felix whined, his voice embarrassingly breathy against Sylvain’s skin. When Sylvain laughed at him he could feel it in his chest. Sylvain’s fingers were moving faster now and hitting that spot with more force, and Felix was finally understanding the appeal of sex.

“Do you think you can take a third, kitten?” Sylvain asked, slowing his fingers.

“Yes,” Felix breathed. He hated the blatant need in his voice, so he moved his head back to stare Sylvain down, as if to prove his wasn’t some blushing maiden. His breath hitched as he met eyes with Sylvain, and Sylvain looked at him as if Felix himself hung the stars. Felix loved it; he loved how _wanted_ it made him feel, as if he was truly desirable. _How did I miss how much he wanted me when he looks at me like that?_ Felix wondered, in awe at his own stupidity.

But that train of thought was pushed out of his head when Sylvain dripped more oil on his hand and pushed his fingers back into Felix. There were three this time and the intrusion was larger, but Felix was much more relaxed by this point, so it was only mildly uncomfortable. Sylvain took a few shallow thrusts to find that spot inside of Felix, but he soon turned Felix into a moaning mess with his fingers.

“Fuck you’re so hot,” Sylvain moaned from above him before kissing him briefly, “Do you think you’re ready?”

Felix pulled back from their kiss to nod at Sylvain. Sylvain smiled at him again before taking his fingers out of Felix. Felix wined at the loss, glaring (not pouting, _glaring_ ) at Sylvain.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get something much better soon,” Sylvain winked and eased Felix onto his back.

“Even now you’re insufferable,” Felix complained, his eyes tracing Sylvain’s figure hungrily as he rolled the condom down his shaft.

“Yeah, but you’re into it,” Sylvain said confidently as he coated his dick in oil, moaning quietly as he pumped himself. Felix followed the path of Sylvain’s hand with his eyes.

Then Sylvain was crawling in between Felix’s legs and guiding Felix’s thighs around his midsection. He leaned down to pull Felix into a heated kiss, all tongue and teeth and desperation. Felix could feel something large pressing against his entrance and mentally urged himself to relax as Sylvain pushed into him slowly.

They broke their kiss to breathe as Sylvain bottomed out in Felix. Felix thought he heard Sylvain swear quietly under his breath, but he wasn’t sure. Felix, for his part, was focusing on adjusting to the new girth inside of him. He took a few deep breaths before looking at Sylvain.

“You can move,” he said, although it came out more as a demand and less as a suggestion.

Sylvain didn’t need to be told twice and he began thrusting into Felix shallowly. The first few thrusts burned slightly as Felix accustomed himself to the stretch, but then Sylvain changed the angle of his hips and he was hitting that spot again.

It felt so much better than the fingers, and Felix couldn’t help but allow his head to fall back and moan Sylvain’s name. Sylvain got the message and hit that spot again, this time harder. Felix felt another moan leave him as pleasure crowded out his thoughts.

“Goddess you look so good,” Sylvain praised as he picked up his pace, “Look at you, taking me so well. Fuck.”

Felix could only arch his back and moan as the pride blooming in his chest from the praise combined with the sensation of Sylvain hitting his prostate caused his mind to bank. The only thing he could focus on was Sylvain. The feeling of Sylvain inside of him, the dark look in Sylvain’s eyes, the low noises he was making as he moved.

Seeming to catch on to how much Felix was enjoying the praise, Sylvain continued, “You feel so good around me. _Shit_ , Felix.”

“Sylvain,” Felix whined in response, tightening his legs around Sylvain’s midsection.

Sylvain kept the rhythm, panting slightly as Felix spurred him on with his legs, encouraging him to go deeper and harder. Felix was overwhelmed by the heat building in his stomach and the feeling of Sylvain’s hand ghosting over the skin of his abdomen. Then Sylvain’s hand wasn’t on his stomach anymore and all Felix could do was moan pitifully as the hand, still slick with oil from earlier, wrapped around his cock.

“Sylvain, I’m close,” Felix managed to moan out between thrusts. He sounded absolutely wrecked, and he could see a flash of pride in Sylvain’s eyes as the older boy noticed what a mess Felix had become.

“Yes, Felix, come for me,” Sylvain encouraged. He increased the speed of his hand as his thrusts became more erratic.

Who was Felix to deny his lover? Felix came all over Sylvain’s hand and his stomach with a final moan of Sylvain’s name. Everything went out of focus as Sylvain fucked him through his orgasm. He vaguely heard Sylvain moan his name one final time before slowing his thrusts.

When everything came back into focus, Sylvain was still on top of him. And he was smiling down at him as if Felix was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. Felix smiled back at him like an idiot. And he didn’t really care if he looked stupid, because he was happy.

Felix grunted as Sylvain pulled himself out of Felix and rolled next to him. He heard Sylvain take a deep breath before getting up and walking around the room. Felix’s eyes traced his steps from the trashcan to the dresser to the clumps of clothes on the floor. When he returned, he wiped Felix gently before handing him his underwear. Felix put it on and Sylvain walked out of his line of sight.

By the time Felix was done putting his underwear on Sylvain was back in the bed, clad in his briefs as well. It was cold in the room, so he lifted the comforter up and motioned for Felix to get under. Felix crawled under and rolled onto his side, facing Sylvain. Sylvain leaned in and kissed him, lazy and unhurried. After they pulled apart, they just stared at each other contentedly for a few moments.

“That felt really good,” Felix finally broke the silence. Sylvain stared at him in utter shock. Felix was pretty sure he looked more shocked now then when Felix accepted his confession.

“Did you just give me a compliment?” Sylvain asked excitedly.

Felix rolled his eyes and shifted to lie on his other side, “Take it or leave it, Gautier.”

“I’ll take it,” Sylvain shifted until he was flush behind Felix and wrapped his arm around Felix’s waist, “It must have been pretty damn mind blowing for you to give me a compliment, huh?”

“Don’t let it get to your head. I said _good,_ ” Felix argued as he melted into Sylvain. Yes, the sex was “pretty damn mind blowing” as Sylvain put it, but he didn’t need Sylvain to get all cocky on him.

“You said _really_ good,” Sylvain insisted.

“I take it back. I hated it.” Felix was grateful he was now facing away from Sylvain because he definitely looked flustered.

“Oh really? You didn’t seem to hate it when I was inside you.”

Now Felix was definitely blushing. “Shut up, you shameless idiot. I’m trying to sleep.”

From behind him, Sylvain laughed, “Goodnight, sleeping beauty.”

“Goodnight, annoying bastard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fact that they're both awkward at the beginning is a subtle nod to the fact that I have no idea how to write smut.
> 
> Please stay as safe as possible out there! I know tensions are high and lots of horrible things are happening, but remember to take care of yourselves too.
> 
> Also, I'm publishing the final chapter (!!!) on Friday.


	22. I Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is... the last chapter! I'm going to be honest, this fic got away from me a little bit (my original plan was closer to 40k words and 14 chapters whoops) but I'm super happy with the stuff I ended up adding and how it turned out.
> 
> Thank you all so much for being such an amazing audience! All of the support has been super encouraging and has really made this experience much more enjoyable than I thought it was going to be. I seriously couldn't have asked for a better group of readers <3
> 
> So here's some fluff to thank you for sticking with the pining for EIGHTEEN whole chapters and then continuing reading for four more.

Felix is the first one to say it, which takes both of them by surprise.

It’s about a month into their relationship, the morning after Sylvain bottoms for the first time. Which was an all-around enjoyable experience for Sylvain and one that he hoped would happen again soon, but he hadn’t really been prepared for how sore he would be the next day. Sure, he knew he would be sore (Felix had blamed many a lost spar on their bedroom activities) but he hadn’t really understood that Felix meant _sore_ sore. Felix wasn’t much of a complainer so he had only mentioned it a few times.

So needless to say the next morning was particularly difficult for Sylvain, who was desperately trying to convince an unsympathetic Felix to tell Professor Byleth he was sick so he could skip class.

“I’m not going to let you skip class because you’re a little sore,” Felix was saying from his position standing next to the bed, his arms crossed. He was glaring at Sylvain, who was still sitting on the bed, his legs dangling over the side, inches from touching the ground. 

“Please? I barely even pay attention in class anyways, so it’s not like I’ll miss much. Just this once?” Sylvain pouted. It was probably a lost cause, but Sylvain had recently learned the power of pouting in front of Felix. It was worth a shot.

“Syl, I love you but I sparred the day after my first time and I was fine. Quit being a baby.”

_Holy shit, did Felix really just say that?_ Sylvain broke out in a huge smile, and from the look of shock plastered on Felix’s face Sylvain could tell that Felix did in fact say that.

“Sorry, but could you say that first bit again? I didn’t quite catch it,” Sylvain winked.

“I said if I could spar the day after, you can sit in a classroom for a few hours. Stop whining and get up,” Felix said as a blush formed across his face.

“Really? I could’ve sworn you said something before that. Something about _love_ if I remember correctly.”

Felix sighed, “Sylvain, I love you. Now can you _please_ get up and get ready for class? You’re going to make us late.”

“Felix! You can’t just say that and expect me to ignore it! Come here, let me hug you,” Sylvain exclaimed, spreading his legs and motioning for Felix to stand in the space he had created. Felix begrudgingly agreed and allowed Sylvain to wrap his body around the other boy.

“I think I’m the happiest man in the world right now,” Sylvain said before kissing Felix on the cheek.

“You’re ridiculous. It’s not like you didn’t already know,” Felix pointed out before pulling Sylvain into a proper kiss. They kissed for a few minutes, comfortably wrapped in each other’s embraces. Sylvain realized how right that moment felt, as if he was coming home after a long journey. To be loved was an amazing thing.

When they pulled back, Sylvain brought their foreheads together, “Of course I knew, but thank you for saying it anyways.”

And yes, Sylvain did know that Felix loved him. It was in the way he smiled whenever Sylvain held his hand, the way he told Sylvain about his interests and let Sylvain talk about his own, the way he opened up about his insecurities when they cuddled after particularly stressful days. Sylvain had known Felix loved him from the first time Felix told him spending time with Sylvain made him happy.

“Yeah,” Felix nodded, before pulling himself from Sylvain’s grasp, “Now get the fuck out of bed, I don’t want to have to explain to Byleth that we’re late because I fucked you too hard.”

“No, we’re late because you _love_ me,” Sylvain laughed, pulling Felix into another kiss.

They did end up being late to class, and Professor Byleth mercifully didn’t ask them for an explanation. They did, however, raise their eyebrows as the couple sat down, making it fairly clear Byleth had their own theory about why they were late. A theory that the rest of the class shared, leading to the origin of the defense “at least I didn’t skip class to get laid” whenever Felix or Sylvain (mainly Felix) got in an argument.

\---

Sylvain didn’t say it until a few months later. It’s not that he didn't love Felix or was opposed to saying it--in fact, he had technically said it before they started dating--but it was different now that they were dating. It was more real, as if saying it would seal his fate.

Not that he would mind having his fate sealed with Felix. He was so happy with Felix, from the time they spent sparring to the glares Felix sent any ex that tried to approach him. But Sylvain wanted to be sure before he said it. He wanted to know for sure that he was happy because he loved Felix, not the attention and stability Felix brought to his life. 

It wasn't until war was on the horizon that Sylvain knew. He knew because the thought of losing Felix in battle filled him with dread. He knew because when Felix mentioned having to return to Fraldarius and Sylvain knew he would have to return to Gautier he felt a sense of loss. He never wanted to leave Felix’s side. Felix made him a better, more complete person. Felix was the love of his life.

Sylvain wanted the moment he told Felix to be special. He wanted to make up for all those times the other boy had to watch Sylvain parade around with other people, all those times he had ignored Felix in favor for a night of cheap fun. But he also wanted Felix to be comfortable when he said it, which meant he couldn’t be _too_ dramatic. The other boy still hated emotions, and while he was getting better at accepting compliments it was still difficult for him.

So he decided to do it on one of the dates that Felix planned for them, because then the other boy would feel less put on the spot. Unfortunately for Sylvain, Felix didn’t have a romantic bone in his body and his idea of a date was a sparring session followed by dinner in the dining hall. Which Sylvain supposed he couldn’t really complain about when he mentioned wanting to do that very activity together when they first started dating. But it did mean Sylvain was going to confess in the dining hall, which was less than ideal. 

They looked ridiculous, sitting a few tables away from the rest of their class--who were eating together as usual--but neither of them really minded. In fact, Sylvain liked it when people saw them out on dates because he was proud of dating Felix. He didn’t parade Felix around like a trophy wife or anything, but he did try to coax as much PDA as possible out of Felix when he knew people were watching, as if to say _yeah, I managed to get the hottest boy in Garreg Mach._

Felix was continuing their discussion from the training grounds. Sylvain was (understandably) a bit distracted today, so Felix had defeated him pretty dramatically. As punishment for his loss, Sylvain had to listen to Felix’s critique of Sylvain’s form and fighting style. On any other day, Sylvain would be happy to listen, but today he was too nervous to properly pay attention. 

Sylvain tried his best to pretend like he was listening. Felix didn’t take being ignored lightly, and an angry Felix was the last thing Sylvain wanted for such an important (and hopefully tender) moment.

“Sylvain,” Felix paused his explanation to recapture Sylvain’s attention. Sylvain mentally kicked himself for thinking he could pretend he was paying attention in front of Felix. The other man knew him better than anyone else, after all.

“Yes, babe?” Sylvain feigned innocence. Maybe the pet name would throw Felix off.

“You’re distracted. What’s wrong?” The pet name evidently did not throw Felix off.

Sylvain laughed nervously and smiled, “I don’t know what you’re talking about? I’ve been listening to your beautiful voice this entire time. Very enlightening.”

“Name one thing I talked about in the last minute,” Felix challenged.

“Easy! You’ve been talking about training.”

Felix shook his head, “Care to be more specific?”

“Um… You were talking about blocking?” Sylvain guessed.

“Nice try. I was talking about footwork. Or lack thereof, in your case,” Felix smirked, “So now that we’ve established that you haven’t been listening to me, spill. What’s gotten you so distracted?”

“I’m sorry Felix! I really didn’t mean to zone out, I promise!” Sylvain pleaded. Felix looked unimpressed. “Okay, the truth is, I’ve just been distracted by how in love with you I am that it’s been hard to pay attention.”

Felix’s eyes widened as he dropped his fork. “Did you just… confess your love for me with a fucking _pickup line_?”

Shit. Sylvain definitely did just do that. “Hey, I’m as surprised as you are. I had this whole speech ready, and I was going to end with the whole ‘I love you’ thing. The pickup line really did just slip out. Old habits and all that I guess.”

“I can’t believe this,” Felix shook his head, “Well, alright. Give me the speech then.”

“You still want the speech? It kind of defeats the purpose if you know where it’s going.”

“When we started dating I said I wanted sappy bullshit and I stand by that. Lay it on me, Gautier,” Felix crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair expectantly.

“Okay, here it goes,” Sylvain took a deep breath, “So things have been really tense lately and it’s got me thinking. Mainly about you. Well, us I guess. Anyways, I’ve been thinking about what happens if Edelgard attacks and an actual war breaks out. Like, I’ll be in Gautier and you’ll be in Fraldarius, right? And I realized that I don’t _want_ that.”

Felix snorted, “Your big sappy moment is realizing you don’t want to do long distance?”

“Don’t interrupt me, I’m getting to my point!” Sylvain protested, “So I don’t want to be separate. And yeah, a lot of it is because long distance sucks. Felix, do you realize how long we’re going to have to go without having sex?”

“I’ll manage. In case you forgot, I’ve only been sexually active for three months of my life,” Felix pointed out.

“Ouch, that’s harsh. Not even an ‘I’ll miss it.’ Is the sex really that bad?” Felix rolled his eyes and didn’t dignify Sylvain’s question with an answer. They both knew Felix’s answer anyways.

“Well _I_ for one enjoy having sex with you and will miss it immensely,” Sylvain insisted, “But now you’ve got me off topic! My point is, I realized that while I’m going to be bummed about not being able to have sex with you regularly, that’s not what I’m going to be most upset about. So I did some more introspection and realized that I was going to miss spending time with you. Which sounds really obvious when I say it aloud, but it was a big breakthrough for me!”

“If you say so,” Felix smiled, clearly finding Sylvain’s monologue entertaining.

“It was! Because I’ve never dated anyone I actually _wanted_ to spend time with. But I want to spend time with you, because you make me so much happier. Like, genuinely happier, not happy because you inflate my ego. You make me want to be a better person because I want to make you as happy as you make me. And after I realized that, I decided that I was in love with you. Because you make me a better person and I would feel lost without you. And if that isn’t love, then what is?”

Felix smiled at him gently, “Yeah, I feel the same. If this isn’t love then I don’t think it exists.”

\---

Felix proposes, which pisses Sylvain off to no end because he had a _plan_ damn it. 

It’s after the war, and Sylvain’s staying at Fraldarius for a few days. He was getting ready to go back to Gautier and demand his parents hand over the family’s engagement ring so he could propose properly. He knew his parents wouldn’t be thrilled, but Dimitri was planning on doing away with the crest system so who even needed blood descendants anyways. Honestly, they should just be happy he was getting married at all.

After he got the ring, he was going to come back and take Felix on a picnic and feed him all his favorite foods and they would watch the sunset together. Then, when it grew dark he was going to propose underneath the stars that had comforted both of them during their years at war. It was going to be romantic and there would be tears and they would have a beautiful story to tell their children one day.

But none of that happened because Felix beat him to the punch.

They’re walking around Felix’s estate and Sylvain is talking about his trip back to Gautier. He’s complaining about how his parents were still bombarding him with marriage proposals because in their eyes he was single until he was married. They don’t have anything against Felix, per se, they just still think he’s a long fling. Last time Sylvain talked to his mother about it she had told him he should “get serious” soon.

“I can’t stand it! It’s like they don’t think I’m capable of having a mature relationship. It’s been five years and they still think I’m going to get bored and leave. The only thing they recognize is marriage,” Sylvain whined as they passed the room Sylvain used to sleep in whenever he visited. He hadn’t seen it yet as he had spent his current stay in Felix’s room, but it looked in as good of condition as ever.

“If it’s such a big problem then why don’t we just get married?” Felix suggested, his voice much too casual for the question.

“What?” Sylvain asked, stopping in his tracks. Did Felix seriously just propose? Here, in the middle of this nondescript hallway? On a whim?

“Well if your parents don’t think you’re serious, you should prove it to them. And if the only way to do that is to get married, we should do that. I don’t particularly like the idea of you receiving marriage proposals,” Felix reasoned.

Sylvain’s mouth dropped open in shock. “I’m sorry, your solution to the minor problem I’m anticipating having for a few weeks is _proposing_?”

“Yes?” Felix shrugged, as if confused as to why Sylvain was surprised, “I mean, I just assumed we’d get married soon anyways. So why not get engaged now to shut your stupid parents up? Unless you’re not as serious about this as you say you are.”

“No! I’m dead serious about us. It’s just that I had this plan and now you’ve messed it all up by proposing first,” Sylvain ran his fingers through his hair nervously. He still couldn’t believe that this was happening. All of his planning, gone.

“You had a plan?” Felix asked, his mouth curling into an amused smile.

“Yes! I was going to spend the next month convincing my parents to let me marry you and then I was going to come back and we were going to have a picnic and I was going to propose and it was going to be romantic,” Sylvain said sadly.

“Whoops,” Felix deadpanned, clearly not sorry at all, “Well at least now you don’t need to convince your parents to let us get married.”

“What do you mean? Just because you’re the one who proposed doesn’t mean they can’t still say no.”

Felix smirked, “Well last I checked I outrank them, so I can just tell them to shut the fuck up. If they actually wanted to make a big deal about it they would have to go to Dimitri, but he would take our side. But I doubt they’d want to make a big deal out of it. After all, you’re technically marrying up.”

“I suppose I am, aren’t I?” Sylvain joked, “Look at me, marrying the Duke. Do I have to start calling you Your Grace?”

“Please don’t,” Felix sighed, looking like he was already regretting bringing up ranks with Sylvain, “Also, you haven’t said you would marry me yet. In fact, you insulted my proposal method and then talked about why we _couldn’t_ get married, so I’m inclined to assume you’re rejecting me.”

“That doesn’t seem very smart of me. I imagine a lowly Margrave like me could get in a lot of trouble for rejecting a Duke like yourself,” Sylvain teased.

“If you don’t shut up about the rank thing, I’m rescinding my proposal.”

“Sorry, Your Grace,” Sylvain apologized, earning him a strong elbow in the side from Felix, “Ouch! Is that any way to treat your future husband?”

“You can’t call yourself my future husband if you haven’t even accepted my marriage proposal,” Felix pointed out, glaring at Sylvain.

“Felix, of course my answer is yes! I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life by your side as your husband. I love you so much,” Sylvain vowed. Now that the shock of being proposed to had worn off, Sylvain was feeling extremely giddy. He was actually going to marry for love and not for status, just like he had dreamed of in his youth. Sure, he got the gender of his betrothed wrong, but in the grand scheme of things that’s a pretty insignificant detail.

“I love you too,” Felix smiled up at Sylvain before pulling him into a hug.

As Sylvain and Felix stood in the hallway, locked in a tight embrace, Sylvain couldn’t help but smile. He was so filled with hope for his future, for _their_ future. Whatever life threw at him, Sylvain knew that he would be able to overcome it with Felix at his side.

And in that moment of bliss, with Felix in his arms and a future full of potential in front of them, Sylvain realized how lucky he was that he was not 100% straight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I really finished it! I hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> As for future stuff, I have a few ships I want to write for because now I don't really know what to do when I don't have chapters to write/edit. Right now I'm working on some stuff for She-ra. Idk how big the Fire Emblem She-ra fandom overlap is, but if that's you keep your eyes open! I also have some ideas for more Sylvix and maybe some Annette and Mercedes or Hilda and Marianne. So don't worry, I'm definitely planning on writing these idiots again sometime in the future.
> 
> My tumblr is auspiciousships if you want to say hi! I don't post original content or anything (and honestly I don't post much Fire Emblem) but I'm always down to talk (especially if you have ideas for scenes/relationships for me to write).
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading!!


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